


Something New & Potentially Awesome

by chaosgroupie



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-16 20:35:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 48,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18698698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosgroupie/pseuds/chaosgroupie
Summary: Alexandra Clark is tired of her old life, going to work every day before going home to an empty apartment. Until she sees an ad in the paper for an open casting call. She's never acted before, but it sounds fun so she goes for it and ends up a part-timer on the show Supernatural.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting a story. This is a work in progress that I'm not editing as I go, so hopefully, it's not too bad. I don't actually expect anyone to read this, so if you do, and you enjoy it, please let me know. I always welcome constructive criticism. And I would love to know what you like and what you don't.
> 
> Also, this is not going to be a short fiction. It starts in season 4 and will go to pretty much today. I will be altering things that happen a little on the show to fit with my story. Any errors made are most likely going to be due to this.

The announcement in the paper was a bit different for my town. A small box that took up only a fraction of a page said ‘Open Casting Call for Female Recurring Character.’ No mentions of what it was for, what kind of character it was. Just a phone number to call and that one line. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for someone like me, someone who works a normal nine to five job but has always wanted to be more creative.

I took a chance and dialed the number. A friendly female voice answered, “Melody speaking, how can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m calling about the casting call?” I knew I sounded confused, but I couldn’t help it. The paper hadn’t given me much information to go on.

She made a noise of surprise and I heard paper rustling about. “Sorry about that, I wasn’t expecting anyone else to call. The auditions are today.” She rattled off an address for me, “Could you be there in an hour? I’m sure they can squeeze you in.”

I looked at my watch and saw it was almost two. I could ditch work and make it if I busted my ass. “Definitely, I will be there.”

“Great, if you don’t have any other questions…”

“Wait, no I have questions,” I spoke quickly. “What is this for? Do I need to dress up for it? Is there anything specific they are looking for? The paper just said open casting call, nothing else.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know much about it. And I’m not supposed to say for what show. I can tell you that it is for the fourth season of a very popular show. If you get picked, you would be a series regular for at least the entire season. Not every episode, but quite a few.”

“Alright, thanks for your time.”

“Good luck,” her perky voice made me cringe as I hung up.

Fuck. I looked down at what I was wearing - a black pencil skirt, black flats, and a flowy top with small pink flowers. Well, there was no way I would have time to change because it was going to take me most of the hour to get there. Whatever, if I didn’t get the part because of how I was dressed, then it wasn’t meant to be.

I said a quick goodbye to my boss, explained that I had an appointment, and hurried quickly to my car. There was an accident on the freeway so I was running late. When I got to the mostly empty parking lot, my heart sank. I quickly parked and ran to the entrance, pushing the door open.

The guys inside were starting to pack and my heart sank. The most gorgeous guy I had ever seen saw me standing there, looking like I was about to cry. He walked over to me and I about passed out. He was several inches taller than my five foot eight inches, muscular, with eyes the color of freshly mown grass. “You here for the audition?”

I just nodded, unable to say anything. He ran fingers through his dark blonde hair, “Well, we were just packing up.”

A taller guy with shaggy hair came to stand next to him, wrapping his arm around the shorter man, “Jensen, we didn’t find someone for the part. No one had the right chemistry with us and Misha.” He looked over at the other guy still packing, “Hey, Jack, can we swing one more audition?”

“Sure,” Jack sounded exasperated. “But we have to make it quick. Our plane leaves for Vancouver in about four hours.”

“I’ll run and get Misha,” the tall man said before he ambled off.

Jensen stuck out his hand and I took it, “Jensen Ackles. The big galoot is Jared Padalecki. The irritated guy is Jack Smith, our casting director. So, do you know what you’re here for?”

“First, I’m I’m Alexandra Clark. But please, call me Alex.” I shook my head, “And no. I just saw the ad in the paper and called someone named Melody. She didn’t tell me much other than it was for a television show in its fourth season.”

Jensen threw back his head and laughed, “And you don’t recognize me or Jared?” I shook my head again, “This is going to be great.”

We walked over to the table and Jack handed me a script, “So, what have you done?”

“I’m sorry?”

Jack sighed, “Acting gigs. What have you been in?”

“The last time I did any acting I played Hans Christian Andersen because I was the oldest kid in the theatre group I was in. That was eleven years ago, I was thirteen.”

“Goddammit, remind me to fire Melody for putting that ad in the paper.”

I tried to hand him back the script as my voice wavered, “It’s fine. I’ll just leave. Sorry to have wasted your time.”

Jensen grabbed my arm, “Come on, you’re here. What’s the worst that could happen? Besides, it’s like Jared said, we don’t have anyone for the part yet.”

Taking a deep breath, I opened the script, “So, what’s my character like?”

Jared came back with another tall guy who happened to be just a little bit shorter than Jensen. This one was also beautiful. They were all so gorgeous, I knew that my face was flushed. He held out his hand as he smiled at me, “Misha Collins. And your character is… well, without giving away too much just in case you don’t get the role, she is going to be a badass. But think more along the lines of Spock, but with boobs.”

“Wait, so you want me to play this logical and cool. Basically, you want me to be a Vulcan.” I threw my hand up in the Vulcan salute, “Live long and prosper?”

“I like her already,” Misha had a huge grin on his face.

“Yeah, yeah. Just read the damn script.” Jack look so tired. “I’ve been here all fucking day, I just want to get on the plane, pass the fuck out, and get some sleep before we start filming in a couple of weeks.”

“Alright, where do we start?”

Jensen took a deep breath and his face morphed into a stern look. “Who are you?” He looked angrily at Misha.

“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition,” Misha’s voice dropped an octave when he spoke his lines.

“Yeah, thanks for that.” He reared back and pretended to thrust something into Misha’s chest, which Misha just looked at with a stoic expression.

“We need to talk, Dean. Alone.”

It was my turn. I channeled my inner Spock and took a deep breath. Standing up as straight as I could, I stared into Jensen’s eyes, “You do not get to do this alone, Castiel. We were sent here to set things right, not to make them worse.”

Jensen smiled slightly and then quickly his expression changed back to that of his character, angry, “What did you do to Bobby?” He crouched down on the floor.

“Your friends alive,” Misha said.

“We are not here to hurt you, Dean.” I followed the directions on the script and walked over to him, crouching down near him. My skirt rode up and I felt my face flush. But, I’ve always prided myself on my logic and reasoning, and have been told a number of times that I remind people of a Vulcan, so I kept a cool look on my face. Moving my hand over to the empty space, I put out two fingers pretending to touch someone's head, “Bobby will be fine.”

I stood back up, not pulling down my skirt because that would have been out of character. Jensen looked between me and Misha, crossing his arms. “What are you?”

Misha spoke, “I’m an angel of the Lord.”

“Get the hell out of here, there’s no such thing.”

“This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.” I read that a pair of shadowy wings would show behind Castiel and I nearly broke character. This was just too cool.

There was a break that just said Dean and Castiel talk, and then the last line on the page was mine and it was long. Everyone was looking at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and tried my best to say it with conviction. “You may not believe us, Dean. You do not need to. That is not why we are here. We are not here to get you to believe or to change your mind. We are here because God commanded it. We have work for you to do, there is no other that can.”

Once I finished, I looked up from the script and saw all three of the actors staring at me before they smiled. When I looked over at Jack, he was smiling too, “I was going to say that we would need a few days to make a decision, but Jared and Jensen are back there nodding their heads so vigorously I’m pretty sure they will have a headache.” He held out his hand, “We start shooting in two weeks, think you can be there?”

“How often will I be filming?”

“Well, both you and Castiel are new characters. We’re going to try you out for a few episodes and see what happens.”

I thought for a second. This was my dream, to work with three guys who were so hot they had my panties soaked just by standing there. To be able to be creative on a daily basis. Even if I was only in a few episodes, maybe it would lead to something else.

“I can do whatever you need from me, whenever you need me to do it.”

Jensen smacked me on the back lightly, “That’s the can-do attitude we like. I look forward to working with you.” His eyes looked me up and down before I remembered my skirt was hiked up near my crotch. I pulled it down trying not to flush. He chuckled, “It was good meeting you.”

Jensen and Jared moved away to help Jack pack up the stuff. Misha sidled over to me, “So, I’m guessing you live around here since you showed up in business clothes?”

“Yeah, I live in Redmond.”

His eyes got wide, “No way. My wife and I live not far from there. Would you like to come over for dinner and celebrate getting the part? I just found out last week that I got the part of Castiel, and it would be nice to have someone else who is new on the show.”

“Sure,” I gestured to my clothes. “Is this okay?”

“Definitely, Vicki won’t care what you’re wearing.” His eyes got dark as he licked his lips, “Unless you want to come in nothing, pretty sure we’d like that too.”

My face grew warm and I knew I was bright red. Instead of making an excuse like I normally would, I moved closer and stood on my toes so I could whisper, “Pretty sure when I come, it will be in nothing.”

Misha threw back his head and laughed loudly. “Cheeky, I like that,” he took out his phone. “What’s your number?” I gave it to him and he texted me, “There’s our address. In the afternoon traffic, we’ll probably get separated, so it’s easier this way.”

Before we left, Jensen came over to me and handed me a business card with something written on it. “My cell number is on there if you have any questions, or just want to talk.” He winked at me, “Or you know, whatever.”

I blushed again, “Thanks, Jensen.”


	2. Chapter 2

Misha and I climbed into our respective cars and headed towards Seattle. As the traffic grew thicker, I was really glad that he had given me his address. At one point when traffic was stopped, I put it into my GPS and sent Jensen a text message.

**ME: Hey Jensen, this is Alex. Just wanted to send you my number so you wouldn’t freak out if some random number started texting you asking a bunch of questions about filming a television show.**

**_JENSEN: Hi Alex ;) Are you driving? You shouldn’t be texting and driving :(_ **

**ME: The traffic is stop and go, mostly stop right now. I don’t think sending you a text or two is going to affect my ability to navigate traffic.**

**_JENSEN: Damn, you’re feisty. I like it._ **

**_JENSEN: So, you excited to come to Vancouver to shoot?_ **

**ME: Terrified actually. This is something life-changing. I never actually thought I would get the part, I just wanted to see what would happen.**

**_JENSEN: You’ll do fine. Jar and I will help you out. Don’t worry. And we don’t know Misha well, but he’s been acting for a while too, so I’m sure he’ll mentor you if you ask._ **

**_JENSEN: I would be happy to mentor you as much as you need ;)_ **

**ME: Are you flirting with me?**

**_JENSEN: Moi? Would I do that?_ **

**ME: LOL! I just read that in Urkel's voice. I have to say, your own is much sexier.**

**ME: So, should I look you up on IMDB and find out about the show, or…**

**_JENSEN: Well, if you are going to be in it, you should probably know what it’s about. It’s called Supernatural, and the first three seasons are on Netflix if you want to catch up._ **

The traffic was starting to move, so I just sent him one more quick text.

**ME: Thanks, I’ll do that. Traffic is moving, I’ll TTYL.**

**_JENSEN: See you in a couple of weeks._ **

When I got to Misha’s house, he was already there and sitting on the porch waiting for me. I walked up to the front steps and smiled at him, “So, you know anything about the show we’re going to be on? Or maybe about our new co-stars? Like, is Jensen single?”

Something flashed across his eyes, but then he smiled, standing up, “Come on inside and meet Vicki. I’ll answer all your questions at dinner.”

When I got inside, I was immediately greeted by a tall slender woman with wild brown curly hair. She had on those thick-rimmed glasses that look bad on most people, but on her they just made her look sexy. 

Greeting her husband, she gave him a deep kiss and then as she leaned against him, she gave me a quick glance up and down, “She’s pretty. Did you bring us home someone to play with?”

I flushed as he laughed, “Alex is going to be working with us on Supernatural. She just auditioned and did so well she got the job on the spot. Even I didn’t get the job that quickly.”

“Well, congratulations!” She walked over and gave me a hug. When she did, her body was pressed all the way against mine and I could feel her perfect breasts pressing against my chest. Her hands drifted from my back down to my ass and she squeezed.

I jumped a little and she backed off, a cocky smile on her face, “Dinner’s on the table.”

We sat down and began to eat. I was so excited, I had a hard time eating, “Misha, what do you know about Supernatural?”

“You’ve never seen it?” he seemed confused.

“No, never even heard of it.”

“It’s a show about two brothers who hunt the supernatural. Last season ended with Dean being sent to hell. Castiel raises Dean from hell and then you and I are going to be there to guide him. At least that’s what I’ve been told.”

I took a bite of my food and looked down at the plate when I asked the next question, “So, is Jensen single?”

“I’m not sure.” He pulled out his phone and typed in something before making a face, “No. He’s dating Danneel Harris.” 

He showed me a picture of her and I gulped, “She’s so pretty, and skinny.” On my best day, I was a size ten. The girl in the photo couldn’t have been bigger than a size four.

He typed something else into his phone, “Jared’s single though.”

I shrugged, “Jared was cute, but there was no spark. But with Jensen, I just thought… Well, he seemed kind of flirty, so I thought maybe he was single.” I gave Vicki and Misha both a stern look, “But then again, you guys are flirting with me too, so I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

Standing, Misha laughed as he left the room. He came back with a book in his hand. Giving it to me, he chuckled again. I looked at the cover.  _ The Threesome Handbook _ , and it was by Vicki Vantoch. I looked up at Vicki and she nodded, “Oh.”

“Don’t worry, we’re not going to jump you,” she laughed. “You are really fucking beautiful though. I would enjoy being with you.”

“I don’t get it. You are so pretty, and Misha is… well, Misha is beautiful. I’m nowhere near that pretty. I know I’m not hideous, but I’m certainly not beautiful.”

Vicki stood and grabbed my hand, pulling me behind her to a room in the back of their house. When we entered their bedroom, she stopped in front of a mirror and forced me to face it, standing behind me and a little to the side. She put her hands on my shoulders, “Now, tell me what you see.”

I noticed Misha come into the room and sit on the bed, his eyes watching us. When I looked in the mirror, I felt sad, “I see someone who needs to lose weight. My eyes and lips are nice, but I have a stomach and an ass that jiggles when I walk.”

“Misha, come here,” Vicki said as she moved out of the way. She pushed him behind me so his front was touching my back and I could feel his erection pressing against my ass. “Tell her what you see.”

He put his hands on my hips, “These hips are curvy and fucking sexy as hell. I can picture them wrapped around my hips as I pound into you.” Slowly, he moved them around front to my stomach, “This little tiny bit of extra fat shows me that you don’t starve yourself. I like that in a woman. Vicki is naturally slim, which is the only reason she isn’t bigger. But I’ve always like my women with a little bit of padding.”

Vicki laughed, “Yeah, and you ended up with skinny little me.”

He bent and gave her a quick peck, “Can’t help who you fall in love with.” He turned back to me and moved his hands to my breasts, cupping them as he rubbed his thumbs over my nipples. When I moaned, I saw an evil glint in his eyes, “Another perk of not being too skinny. I can just imagine this bouncing up and down as you ride me. God, that would be so hot.” He groaned and ground himself against my ass. 

Vicki moved in front of me and grabbed my face in her hands. She was only an inch shorter than me, so we were pretty much eye to eye, “You are beautiful, Alex. A few extra pounds doesn’t make someone unattractive. Although Misha is right, you are perfect with every pound.”

Tears started rolling down my cheeks and Vicki pulled me into her arms. I think she must have shooed Misha away because his presence disappeared from my back. We stood like that for a few minutes until I calmed down. When I pulled away, I wiped at my face, “Thanks, Vicki.”

She placed a gentle kiss on my lips, “You’re welcome, Alex. Now, let me give you my phone number. I expect that we will be best friends after this. Especially if you are working with my husband.”

We exchanged numbers and all headed back out to the living room. They looked like they wanted to say something else, but I spoke first, “I would really like to… you know, with you guys. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. I have to work with Misha, and if this went bad, that would suck.”

Misha came over and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips just like his wife had, “We totally understand. Well, if you change your mind, you have our numbers. I’m excited to work with you.”

“Me too.”


	3. Chapter 3

When I got home that night, I stripped off my clothes and crawled onto the bed naked. I was about to set my alarm when I saw a text message.

**_JENSEN: Hope you are having a good night. I sent you an email with the information for when you need to be in Vancouver for shooting. It will be in about two weeks. Looking forward to working with you. Excited to have a new cast member who's so gorgeous ;)_ **

I didn’t know what to say back to him. He had a girlfriend, whom according to the gossip online, was pretty serious. In my email was the itinerary he promised. If I went into work and gave my two weeks notice, it would basically be perfect timing. They wanted me there in two weeks exactly. I’m pretty sure my boss would let me leave early too if I asked.

**ME: Thanks, Jensen. I got it. I look forward to working with you too. I’m planning on watching Supernatural starting tomorrow night. Just got back from Misha’s house, so I’m going to hit the hay.**

**_JENSEN: Misha’s house? Really?_ **

**ME: Yeah, he’s a nice guy. I got to meet his wife. She was really nice and pretty. Kind of like Danneel.**

Jensen texted me the red face emoji.

**_JENSEN: Yeah, Danni is great. Haven’t spent much time with Misha yet. He only got the part last week._ **

**ME: Well, I’m going to sleep. I’ll see you in two weeks.**

The next two weeks went by very quickly. When my boss found out that I was going to be on Supernatural, she squealed so loudly the entire off hurt. She only made me finish out the week and then made me promise that I would get the boys autographs for her. Even gave me a picture of Jared and Jensen to do it with.

My lease was a little harder to get out of. I was unsure of how long I was going to be in Vancouver, but I didn’t have much stuff and I also didn’t want to pay for something I wasn’t using. In the end, I transferred my lease to someone new to the office and gave them the furniture too. With two bags of clothes and a couple of boxes of books, I put them into my car and headed to Vancouver.

It only took a few hours and I was there. They had me staying at a hotel near the filming studio. When I got out of the car, I saw Misha standing by the entrance. He saw me and waved, jogging over to me. 

Pulling me into a hug, he twirled me around, “You made it.”

“Yeah, I’m here.” When he put me down, I knew I was red in the face, “Did they say when they wanted us there.”

“Actually, that’s why I’m out here. So I could tell you to go straight to the sound stage. They want to get us outfitted up and do the first run through of our scene.” He shrugged, “Plus, they said something about needing to see the chemistry between your character and Dean. Said something about it being a part of the quote unquote, larger story.”

“Great.” I looked at my car, “Can I ride with you. All my shit is in there. I moved out of my apartment because I wasn’t sure how long I would be here.”

“Come on.”

We arrived and we directed into a room off the main sound stage. They put me in an outfit that I would never have normally worn. It was a bright red, almost bodycon dress that went down to my knees. There wasn’t that much cleavage showing, but my entire body was on display. I argued with the lady that it made me look fat, but then she just shook her head and told me to suck it up.

The next stop was hair and makeup. They didn’t put a lot of makeup on me, just enough to make it so I wasn’t shiny. The called it my ‘natural’ look. I was just glad they didn’t make me look like a whore. With my hair, since it was over halfway down my back, they put it up in a chignon. For a final touch, they gave me a pearl necklace. But to keep me shorter, they only gave me flats.

I saw Jensen and Misha standing talking to someone I assumed was the director. I walked over and the director turned to me, “Well Jay, you were right, she is gorgeous.” He held out his hand, “Eric Kripke. You must be Alexandra Clark.”

“Alex, please.” I looked over at the boys and saw them both checking me out, not so subtly. “So, you want to run lines?”

“First, I want to see if you and Jay have any chemistry. We’re thinking about making you a love interest of Dean’s, but only if the chemistry is right.” He waved me closer to Jensen, “Do your thing, Jay.”

Jensen stalked over to me and I felt myself grow damp just from looking at the lust in his eyes. My face heated up when his hands went to my waist and he pulled me against him. I could feel him starting to get hard as I stared into his eyes. When he lowered his face down to mine, he didn’t kiss me but moved his face to my ear and whispered, “Eric was right, you are fucking ridiculously gorgeous in that dress.”

My hands moved up to his shoulders, and I couldn’t help but move them around his back, enjoying the feeling of his muscles. I was about to make him kiss me when I remembered that he had a serious girlfriend and that Misha and Eric were watching. I pulled away slowly and turned to Eric, “So?”

We had drawn a crowd. They were all standing there with similar expressions of awe and surprise. Eric laughed, “Well, that is definitely chemistry. I think the fandom will either hate you for stealing their fantasy of being with Dean or will love you because hot damn, that looked hot. It almost looked real.”

It was, I almost said. But when I opened my mouth to say it, I decided it was better to say instead, “We’re actors. We can make anything look real.”

“Yes, but not everyone has the sizzle that you two do. This is going to be great.” He rubbed his hands together, “I can’t wait to do the rewrites to up the sex appeal. Now, as for running those lines…”

Before he said anything else, I held up a hand, “Can I ask something?” He nodded, “So, from what I understand, my character is supposed to be stoic. Very calm, cool, logical. Somewhat like Spock was on Star Trek. How is falling into a passionate affair with Dean keeping my character stoic? I just don’t want the fandom to hate me because I do something that is out of character.”

He stroked his chin, “Good point. I guess we’ll just have to break your character down a bit before we do that. We can have sexual tension though, sometimes that’s even better. I can’t wait.”

We did a run through of the lines I had auditioned with, reading them off the script since I hadn’t had the chance to memorize them. There was no moving around, hitting spots, just the three of us standing there reading the script. I had to fight with everything I had to not look at Jensen the way I wanted. After his little ‘demonstration,’ I was so turned on that he could have crooked his finger at me and I would have pulled up the skirt and bent over the back of a chair for him. Didn’t even matter that we had an audience.

When I finished with that last line, the crowd that had gathered clapped. Eric walked over with a huge grin on his face, “Are you sure you’ve never acted before?”

“Many years ago. If you count what I did when I was eleven..” I shrugged and gestured at the boys, “They’re the good ones. I’m just following their lead.”

He narrowed his eyes a little and then nodded, “Alright, well we’re going to film this scene in a couple of days. If you want to see how things work, we’re filming the first scene with Jay tomorrow. Be here at nine.” He started to walk away, then turned back. “Two quick questions. Do you have any self-defense training, and can you sing?”

“Um, well I did Shotokan karate a couple of years ago. Made it to purple belt before hurting my knee. But I haven’t done anything since. I’m willing to learn though.” I thought about how I should respond to the second question, not really sure why he was asking. “As for singing, I think I have a decent voice. But other than singing with the woman’s chorus for a semester in college, I haven’t done anything other than sing in the shower.” My eyes narrowed, “Why? This doesn’t seem like the type of show to have singing.”

“No, no,” Eric held up his hands. “We just go out and do karaoke as a bonding exercise every once in a while. That’s all, promise. Now, we would like both you and Misha to take lessons in case we decide to put you in fight scenes. We don’t have any plans to do so yet, but we would rather be overprepared.”

Misha piped up, “I’m in.”

Sighing, I nodded, “Me too. And I haven’t done karaoke since I was eighteen, but I would love to join you guys.”

“Awesome. We’re going tonight at seven. If you and Misha show up at eight tomorrow, we’ll see how much you need to learn for fight training.” He nodded and turned away, dismissing us.

I started heading back to my dressing room and Jared ran to walk with me. “You were really good, Alex. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. I had goosebumps when you said that last line.”

“Thanks, Jared.”

He looked around to see if anyone was near, then said quietly, “What’s going on with you and Jensen?”

“What do you mean?” I tried to keep my voice even.

He stopped me and crossed his arms over his chest. “You may be able to fool Eric by saying that was acting, but Jay is my best friend. I know him better than anyone.” He glared at me, “Jensen has a girlfriend whom I’m fairly certain he’s planning on marrying. He loves her. You need to not…”

I held up a hand, stopping him as I started to get mad. Stepping closer, my hands bunched into fists and I growled, “This is not my fucking fault. Your best friend,” I poked him in the chest, “is the one who has been coming on to me. I can’t help that I react, he’s fucking hot. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at him. I may not have gotten laid in a while, but I will not help anyone cheat.”

My voice rose at the end, loud enough that a couple of people turned to look. I flushed and backed away slightly, “Look, Jared, I like him and I find him very attractive. But you don’t have to worry about me fucking things up for him and Danneel. First, she is way prettier than I could ever hope to be. Second, I’m not that girl who tries to steal a man from someone.”

“Alright,” he held up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry I jumped on you about it. It’s just that you are exactly Jen’s type, beautiful and curvy.”

I laughed, knowing that what he was saying couldn’t possibly be true, “Look, I’m tired. I drove three hours today after loading my car all morning. I still have to put everything away in my hotel room, then I have to get ready for karaoke. I don’t have the energy to debate this anymore with you.”

Jared just nodded, looking at me with a guilty expression. After he left, it didn’t make me long to get out of the dress and grab my stuff. I found Misha and we headed back to the hotel.

We climbed out of the car and he looked at me as I stared blankly at the stuff in my trunk, “What some help taking your stuff to your room?”

“That would be awesome. Let me go check in first and I’ll be right back.” I ran in, got my key, and came back with a rolling luggage rack. “Thought this would help.”

We loaded my three boxes on the cart, as well as the two pieces of luggage. Misha refused to let me help push it, so I went ahead and held the doors for him. When we got to the room, he gave me a knowing grin, “I’m right next door. Pretty sure we have an inner door connecting our rooms.”

My face flushed as we moved into the hotel room. It wasn’t very big. There was the queen sized bed, a small television on top of a dresser, and a small desk. We took the stuff off the cart and stacked it against a wall. Misha disappeared to take the cart back downstairs. I began unpacking my clothes, putting them in the dresser and closet when my phone dinged.

**_MISHA: Open the connecting door._ **

I did as he asked and saw him standing there with a cheesy grin on his face, “Looks like we have easy access to each other. You know, if you’re ever feeling lonely.” He winked.

“You’re married, Misha,” I sounded exasperated as I felt.

“Vicki already said it was fine. She likes you.” He stalked over to me and pulled me against his body so I could feel his erection straining against his pants. I felt myself starting to grow aroused as he leaned down to kiss me.

I let him kiss me for a couple of minutes, moaning against his mouth. Gently, I pushed him away, “I need time, Misha. It’s like I told Jared, I won’t help someone cheat. Even if you have permission.”

“Wait, what?”

“Before we left, Jared pulled me aside.” I proceeded to tell him what happened. How Jared accused me of trying to get between Jensen and Danneel. After several minutes of explanation, I sank down onto the bed, “Do you see why I’m so hesitant to start something with you? It’s not that I’m not attracted to you.”

“You should talk to Vicki,” he said softly. Crouching in front of me, he said, “However, I have no inclination of making you uncomfortable, so I’ll let you decide if you want this.” He stood and grinned, “Now, if you’re going to change, you should do it soon. It’s karaoke time.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not write the alternate lyrics to Jolene. This was a thing on Tumblr and I found the song (with the lyrics put together this way) online. The link to Elli Jelly singing it is....  
> https://www.facebook.com/elliandjelly/posts/10104730838124286

We rode together since we were both going and it seemed silly to take two cars. When we got there, Eric was on stage singing ‘Baby Got Back.’ I laughed as we walked up to Jensen and Jared.

“Hey guys,” I smiled. When I looked at Jensen, he seemed distracted but I just shrugged it off. “So, how does this work? Is there an order or a song list we are supposed to choose from?”

Jared ran his hand through his shaggy hair, “No. But tonight is also open mic night, so it won’t just be karaoke.”

“Cool. I think I’ll just watch for a little while.”

Suddenly, Jensen had a huge smile on his face, “Danni!” He raced over to a gorgeous redhead, twirling her around before kissing her deeply. He dragged her over to the group and introduced her to everyone. She was genuinely nice, which made me feel worse for wanting her man.

They stood off to the side of the group, cuddling and kissing. I tried not to look, but I couldn’t help myself. Misha put his arm around my shoulders, “Don’t be said, she’s leaving tomorrow from what I hear.”

“Doesn’t matter. I can’t have him anyways.” I shrugged Misha’s arm off, “I’m going to go and sing.” I hurried over to the DJ booth and chose a song. Now, I’m not the worlds best singer, but there are certain songs that are perfect for my voice. This is one of them.

_ Right now, he's probably slow dancing _ __   
_ With a bleached-blond tramp _ __   
_ And she's probably getting frisky _ __   
_ Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink _ __   
_ 'Cause she can't shoot whiskey _ __   
_ Right now, he's probably up behind her with a poolstick _ __   
_ Showing her how to shoot a combo _ _   
_ __ And he don't know

By the time I got to the first chorus, the entire cast and crew were watching me. Jensen had a wide-eyed look of fright, Jared was just shaking his head, and Misha looked at me with awe. Danneel was unaware of what was going on, just bopping along to the music.

_ I dug my key into the side _ __   
_ Of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive _ __   
_ Carved my name into his leather seats _ __   
_ I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights _ __   
_ Slashed a hole in all four tires _ _   
_ __ Maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats

_ Right now, she's probably up singing some _ __   
_ White-trash version of Shania karaoke _ __   
_ Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk" _ __   
_ And he's a-thinking that he's gonna get lucky _ __   
_ Right now, he's probably dabbing on _ __   
_ Three dollars worth of that bathroom cologne _ _   
_ __ Oh, and he don't know

_ Oh, that I dug my key into the side _ __   
_ Of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive _ __   
_ Carved my name into his leather seats _ __   
_ I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights _ __   
_ Slashed a hole in all four tires _ _   
_ __ Maybe next time, he'll think bef ore he cheats

Jensen was no longer looking at me, but I didn’t care. I was sending him a message, and I wanted him to know it. You want to force me to help you become a cheater, you better be prepared for the hell that will rain down on you.

_ I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl _ __   
_ 'Cause the next time that he cheats _ __   
_ Oh, you know it won't be on me _ _   
_ __ No, not on me

_ 'Cause I dug my key into the side _ __   
_ Of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive _ __   
_ Carved my name into his leather seats _ __   
_ I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights _ __   
_ Slashed a hole in all four tires _ _   
_ __ Maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats

_ Oh, maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats _ __   
_ Oh, before he cheats _ _   
_ __ Oh

When I was done, I walked back to the group. Danneel came over to me, “Oh my god, you have such an amazing voice. I’m so jealous, I can’t carry a tune to save my life. Wasn’t she great, honey?” she asked, turning to Jensen.

“Um, yeah, she was great.” He didn’t look me in the eyes, for which I was grateful.

The next couple of hours went by pretty quickly. Eric came over, “They’re switching to open mic soon, so if you want to get one more song in…”

I looked around and saw a cute guy with a guitar. Excusing myself, I went over to him, “Hi.” He looked up at me, “I was wondering if you would be willing to do me a favor. Do you know the song, Jolene?”

“Yes, but they have it on karaoke,” his voice was smooth and husky, like honey whiskey.

“Well, that’s the problem. You see those guys I’m with,” I pointed. “Well, I just got a job with them on the show Supernatural and I have alternate lyrics to Jolene that I think they would get a kick out of. But it’s twice as many verses as the original, so the karaoke version won’t work.”

“Show me.” I pulled out my phone and showed him. He read for a couple of minutes and then laughed, “Lucky for you, I’m feeling generous tonight. I’ll do it on one condition.”

“Name it.”

“You let me buy you a drink after.”

My gaze wandered back to the two guys I could never truly have before I turned back, “Deal. I’m Alex Clark by the way.”

“Sam Hunt, a pleasure to meet you.”

We took the stage and as he set up, I spoke to the crowd, “This is going to be a little different. Sam here has graciously offered to be my backup for a song I… well, I didn’t write it, just manipulated it.” The crowd laughed, “I hope you enjoy hearing it as much as I did writing it.”

_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ __   
_ I’m begging of you please don’t take my man _ __   
_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ _   
_ __ Please don’t take him just because you can

_ Your beauty is beyond compare _ __   
_ With flaming locks of auburn hair _ _   
_ __ With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

At the words auburn hair, Danneel started glaring at me, assuming ti was about her. Misha was looking back and forth between me and Jensen, mouth agape. I just kept singing.

_ For years our town’s been terrorized _ __   
_ By the beast who takes disguise _ _   
_ __ In the shell that calls itself Jolene

_ Our sleep disturbed by quaking breath _ __   
_ Eyes closed against the threat of death _ _   
_ __ That lies behind the teeth of that Jolene

_ The closer that you get to her _ __   
_ The more those edges seem to blur _ _   
_ __ To something that cannot be called Jolene

_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ __   
_ I’m begging of you please don’t take my man _ __   
_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ _   
_ __ Please don’t take him just because you can

By then, everyone was sitting forward on their seats in rapt attention. Even Danneel no longer looked mad, although she did look bored.

_ He screams about you in his sleep _ __   
_ And when he wakes does naught but weep _ _   
_ __ In terror of the one they call Jolene

_ We cower here beneath your gaze _ __   
_ That sets the Earth and sky ablaze _ _   
_ __ Have mercy at the end of days, Jolene

_ Before her wrath, no folk could stand _ __   
_ Their corpses piled upon the sand _ _   
_ __ The blood of gods are on her hands, Jolene

_ Her hunger barely satisfied _ __   
_ She feasted on the ones who died _ _   
_ __ She slumbers now in starless skies, Jolene

_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ __   
_ I’m begging of you please don’t disturb her sleep _ __   
_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ _   
_ __ We’re safe while she still slumbers in the deep

Eric was talking with someone excitedly. He kept gesturing to me with a huge smile on his face. I didn’t really care about his though. I was more interested in what the guys though. My eyes drifted their way and I saw Danneel pulling an angry Jensen out of the bar.

_ Your teeth are sharp, your mouth agape _ __   
_ Your claws rend flesh, there’s no escape _ _   
_ __ From the judgment of the Eldritch one, Jolene

_ Blackening the summer skies _ __   
_ With burning wings and countless eyes _ _   
_ __ We tremble at the thought of you, Jolene

_ Bliss withered from this awful truth _ __   
_ Gone is the ignorance of youth _ _   
_ __ The unrelenting mark of that Jolene

_ The foolish who came to defend _ __   
_ Their broken minds will never mend _ _   
_ __ They fell at the mere sight of you, Jolene

_ But I’ve seen beyond that auburn hair _ __   
_ My eyes have met your vacant stare _ _   
_ __ And I’ve been told I’m hard to scare, Jolene

_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ __   
_ I’ll end this story just how it began _ __   
_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ _   
_ __ I’ll take your teeth if you try to take my man

I finished to a standing ovation. Even though I was smiling, inside my heart hurt because Jensen hadn’t stayed to hear the rest of my song. Sam and I took a bow and walked off the stage.

Misha came over and gave me a hug, “Holy shit, that was awesome.” He whispered in my ear, “Jensen wanted to stay, but Danni was mad he was too focused on you.”

I introduced him to Sam and they talked about music while I listened with half an ear. After a few minutes, I yawned so hard my jaw cracked. I turned to Sam, “Hey, would you mind taking a raincheck on the drink?” He nodded and I gave him my phone, “Sorry, it’s just that it’s been a long day and I have to be at work early tomorrow.” I took back my phone and sent a text.

**ME: Thanks for the musical assist.**

He looked down at his phone, and then at me, giving me a warm smile, “You’re welcome, Alex.”

At the door, Jared ran up to us, “Hey, you didn’t give me a chance to tell you how awesome that was. I overheard Eric talking, and he was saying you should sing it at the next convention.”

“Huh?” I raised an eyebrow at him, “There’s singing at conventions?”

“We do a karaoke bit where all the actors sing. It’s fun, I think you’ll like it.” Jared seemed really happy. His face grew somber, “Sorry about Jensen running off. Danneel didn’t like that he wasn’t paying attention to her. I’m going to have to beat some sense into that boy. He should know better.”

I flushed, embarrassed, “Don’t worry about it Jared, I’m sure he’s already getting an earful. I just want to go back to the hotel and get some sleep so I can be there on time.”

“Alright. I’ll see you guys at eight.”

He started to walk away and I called to him, “You’ll be there?”

“Yeah, we all train together. Besides, if Jensen and I are there, it will be easier for you to learn.”

After he was gone I leaned up against Misha, resting my head on his chest, “Fuck.”

He rubbed my back, “I know. It’ll be okay though.” He tilted my head so I was looking at him and winked, “Maybe you could take out your sexual frustration on me, then it wouldn’t be so bad around Jensen.”

I laughed, “I still have to talk to Vicki first. And I’m too tired tonight.”

“Fine,” he pretended to pout. “Just remember what I said, this is up to you. I might joke with you about it, but I will never force you into something you don’t want.”

“Thanks, Misha.”


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up when something fell onto my bed, bouncing me into the air. I shrieked and fell off onto the floor. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t sleep naked. When I peered over the bed, I saw Misha laying on the bed completely dressed.

“Fuck, I forgot to lock the door.” I felt myself flush, “Can you maybe go back to your room, or at least close your eyes?”

He looked at me, gaze full of lust, “You are beautiful, Alex. Can’t I just admire your beauty for what it is?” I just glared at him until he closed his eyes.

When I stood and walked over to the dresser, I could feel his eyes on me but I didn’t turn around. If he wanted a show, I wasn’t going to stop him. It’s not like no one had never seen me naked before. I got out some leggings and a sports bra, as well as a t-shirt. I was still naked when I turned around and saw Misha laying there on the bed, staring at me with an appreciative look.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the bed, putting the clothes down so I could put them on one at a time. As I put on each article of clothing, I watched Misha squirm uncomfortably, shifting his pants trying to relieve some of the pressure. I chuckled as I finished getting dressed, “I told you not to look.”

Misha climbed off the bed and shrugged, “Can’t help it. When a beautiful woman is naked around me, I’m going to look.”

I blushed, “Well, let’s get to the studio. Don’t want to keep the crew waiting.”

At the studio, there were a lot of people running around. It was the first day of filming season four, so the bustle was to be expected. A young guy with a headset came running up to us as we stepped out of the car, “You guys must be Misha and Alexandra. My name’s Johnny, I’m one of the PAs. If you’ll follow me Jared, Jensen, and Ryan are waiting for you.”

We walked fast through the crowds of people, through the building, to a large open room that had various exercise equipment on one side, a few punching bags, and a floor covered in thick mats. Jared and Jensen were standing there in sweatpants and tank tops, talking to a large muscular guy who must be Ryan. 

When we got there, Ryan looked at what Misha was wearing and made a face, “Jeans, dude?” He shook his head and looked at my choice of clothes, “That’s much better.” He gestured to both of us, “So, I’m guessing you are Misha and Alexandra?”

“Alex, please for all that is holy. Only my mother calls me Alexandra, and that’s when she’s angry and uses my middle name too.” I shook my head as the boys laughed. Glaring at them, I pretended to be angry, “Really? You want me to call you Jenny? Would that make it better?”

“Okay, I get it,” Jensen was still laughing, but he was trying to stop.

Ryan sighed and rolled his eyes, “We’re going to start by warming up. There are two treadmills and two bikes, so you guys can fight for who gets what.”

It turns out, there wasn’t much fighting to be done. Apparently, Misha and Jared were both runners, so Jensen and I took the bikes. I got on and started peddling lightly. It had been years since I had done real exercise, so I wasn’t really sure what I should be doing.

Ryan came over and crouched down by me. The machines were spaced far enough apart, that when he spoke softly, no one would hear him, “You going to be alright?”

I nodded, “I just have never been in a gym before. The last exercise I did, other than karate, was in high school gym my freshman year. And I got out of running because I have bad knees.”

“Good thing you chose the bike then, it will be less hard on your knees. But you need to pedal a little faster. The point of this is to warm up the muscles and get your heart rate up. If your muscles aren’t warm and we start doing the fighting techniques, you could really hurt yourself.” He gave me a warm smile, “And I really don’t want to get fired for hurting the pretty girl on her first day.”

I blushed, “Got it.”

I picked up the pace and while the boys were having no trouble, I was struggling to remember to breath regularly. The warm-up lasted only a few minutes when Ryan called for us to join him on the mat. He brought Jensen away from the group to stand with him. “The important thing to remember about the fight scenes is that they aren’t real. No one is really going to be hitting you, but you need to be able to move as if you are. Also, no one is going to buy that your punch hurts someone if you’re doing it incorrectly.”

Using Jensen as a living prop, he showed us the proper way to hold a fist, “Never put your thumb on the inside of your fingers. While we don’t hit anyone here on purpose, sometimes it happens. If you punch something or someone, and your thumb is tucked in, you will break it.” Moving out of the way, he said, “Jensen, show the newbies how to punch.”

He got into a fighting stance, brought his hands up, and threw out his hand while twisting his body. Ryan had him slow down and stand in a wide-legged stance. Without moving his body, he showed us how to punch with each arm, keeping the forearm to wrist straight.

A lot of this I remembered from doing karate. Slowly, as the hour passed, a lot of the things he was showing us were very similar to the stuff I had already learned, so I picked it up quickly. In contrast, Misha was pretty hopeless. He just didn’t have the coordination to do the fighting. He was flexible and strong, but it just didn’t work.

Jensen and Jared got called to go to hair and makeup, leaving me with Ryan and Misha. Ryan sighed, “This is going to take forever to teach you this, Misha. I’m going to need to spend some one on one time with you. So for right now, you can either go use the machines or walk around the set. I’m going to show Alex a few more things.”

Misha nodded and left, leaving me by myself with Ryan. Before he came over to me, he said, “Just so you know, I’m gay. So you don’t have to worry about me hitting on you.”

“Okay,” I shrugged. “Wasn’t really thinking about that, but I guess it’s good to know.”

We spent another hour with him showing me basic self-defense moves. When we were finished, he seemed pretty impressed with me. “Good job. I think that Eric will be happy to hear that you will be useful in fight scenes. I have to spend an hour every day with the boys because they do most of the fighting, but if you want to get here an hour earlier, I can work with just you to get you caught up.”

“So, I get here at seven?”

“Yeah.” He smiled, “There’s a locker room with showers too, so you won’t have to be all stinky and sweaty for when you film. I know you don’t have a trailer, being a part-timer, but the locker room isn’t too bad.”

“Sweet, thanks.”

Since I didn’t have any extra clothes, I just headed off to see what was happening on set. The crew was gathered around, talking. When I came over, I heard Eric say, “Alright, everyone to the bus.” He saw me and smiled, “So, how did the fight session go?”

“Ryan is having me come in before he works with the boys. But otherwise, he thinks I’ll be able to be in fight scenes if you decide to have me do that.”

“Awesome, that makes me so happy.” He started to head off, stopping when I didn’t follow, “Come on. We’re filming the first scene for the first episode. It will be good for you to see how it works. We’ve already gotten the part that needed the sound stage, but most of it is location shooting.”

We all piled into a huge luxury bus, followed by a large van that I assumed had the filming equipment. Jensen sat down next to me and made a face, “Man, you should have taken a shower.”

Glaring, I elbowed him and he groaned, “Fuck off, Jensen. I don’t have any extra clothes. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Damn girl, I was just kidding,” he gave me an appreciative look. “Besides, you don’t smell that bad. Just a little ripe.”

I leaned my head against the window and shut my eyes. As much as I wanted to sit there and talk with Jensen, all I could think about was him taking off with Danneel the night before. I know that she was his girlfriend and I had no right to expect anything of him, it just hurt.

We arrived on location and I saw that there were already people there setting it up. Jensen looked a little green when we got to the area. Eric was telling him how he was going to come out of the hole in the ground. While they talked, I walked over to the guys that were setting it up. They glanced at me, but when they saw I wasn’t going to fuck anything up, they ignored me.

The hole wasn’t very deep and there was a box inside that Jensen would have to lay in. One of the crew explained that he wasn’t actually going to be buried. They explained how it worked and what it would look like when he came out of the ground.

“Alright guys, we’re gonna start the first take soon. Places,” Eric yelled.

I hurried over behind the camera and watched as Jensen was put in the ground and covered in dirt. It took them five takes to get it right. Mainly because two of the takes, Jensen decided it would be funny to pretend to be a zombie. Another take got ruined by him coughing up dirt.

The rest of the day was spent following the crew around to another location to an abandoned gas station that they had installed sugar windows in. Someone explained to me this was because sugar shatters nicely but won’t hurt anyone. I watched Jensen walk through the gas station and into a bathroom. Only the cameraman could fit in the bathroom, so I watched from the monitor. When he lifted his shirt to look at his chest, I felt my stomach flutter. It was the first time I had seen him even partially naked, and fuck he was hotter than I had expected.

I’m pretty sure I moaned a little because Eric just gave me a knowing grin. After several hours, we headed back to the studio for the scene with Jared. They wanted to run the scene because the new girl, Genevieve, had shown up a day early and they wanted to see how well she did, just in case they had to replace her later on. She was also going to have a regular role on the show, although I wasn’t sure what it was going to be.

Everyone set up and I took a seat to watch.

Dean and Bobby walk down a hallway and knock on a hotel door. A gorgeous girl opens the door, wearing only a skimpy tank top and a pair of underwear. Immediately, I was thankful that my dress covered more than that.

She looked at them, “So, where is it?”

Dean, “Where’s what?”

“The pizza...that takes two guys to deliver?”

Dean, “I think we got the wrong room.”

Sam steps into their view, “Hey, is…”

Dean said softly, “Heya, Sammy.”

This went on a for a few minutes and I found tears rolling down my cheeks. I had binge-watched the first three seasons before coming out to Vancouver, and I knew how much the brothers cared for one another. Seeing them find each other after so long apart when they hugged, it was full of emotion. I guess the rumors I read online were true. Because there was no way that much emotion could be displayed if the guys didn’t care for each other like they were brothers.

When Eric called cut, I went off and saw the new girl standing around, playing on her phone. She looked up as I approached. “Hey, I’m Alex. I’m new to the show too.”

She held out her hand, “Gen. Not sure if they’re going to want to keep me or not. I didn’t have to do much right then.”

“Are you kidding?” I did a deliberate glance at her perfect body, “They would be a fool not to keep you. I’m still not sure why they hired me. Someone like you would probably be a lot better suited.”

She shrugged, “That’s Hollywood I guess.”

“Besides, I think you did a great job. “

“Thanks,” she gave me a small smile as Jared ambled over.

When I saw the look on his face, I knew instantly that he was smitten with her. I’m not sure that she realized it, but he was definitely a goner. I just murmured something about going home to get a shower and left them. Misha was talking with Jensen when I walked up.

“Hey guys,” I said. “Misha, you ready to head back to the hotel. I need to shower, desperately.”

“Sure thing.” He looked between me and Jensen, giving him a pointed look, “I’ll wait out in the car for you.”

When he left, Jensen cleared his throat, “So, I uh… need to apologize to you for last night. You were fucking awesome up there on stage. I’ve never been that comfortable singing onstage myself, but you just fucking killed it. I think Danni noticed I was staring at you, that’s why we had to leave. She gets jealous pretty easily.”

“No worries, I get it. She is your girlfriend after all,” I put heavy emphasis on girlfriend.

He took a step closer to me, so we were only inches apart, “Yeah, but she isn’t you.”

“You don’t get to do that, Jensen. You love Danni.” I stood still as his hand came up and fingers grazed down my cheek, “I want you, but I can’t be the other woman. I won’t be the other woman.”

He brought his forehead down so it was resting on mine. My heart started beating faster. One of his hands came to rest on my waist while the other stayed on my face. We stood like that for a minute before I came to my senses and pulled away. I didn’t even bother to say anything else to him, just ran outside to Misha’s car.

I think that Misha could see the emotions warring across my face because when Jensen came running out of the studio, he took off. The car ride back was silent, as was the walk to our hotel room. When I got in my room, I turned to Misha, “I’m going early tomorrow to work out with Ryan. Should we take separate cars?”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” he said. But the look in his eyes was sad.

I hated the fact that I had put it there. Taking a step towards him, I reached up to cup his cheek, “I just don’t want to inconvenience you.” His eyes stayed sad and I realized why. Stepping even closer, I stood on my toes and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, “I like you Misha, a lot. You’re fucking gorgeous, have a beautiful wife, and can turn me on easily. Let me talk with Vicki, okay?”

“But you like Jensen,” his voice came out soft and defeated.

“Yes, I do.” I pulled him into my room and shut the door. With a push, I forced him to sit on the bed and sat down next to him, “There’s something about Jensen that makes me get all gooey inside. I don’t know what it is. I like him, more than I should. But he’s got Danneel, and I’m not going to get between them, no matter what my heart wants.” I turned and faced him, “But with you, it seems that Vicki is okay sharing you. If that is truly the case, we can have fun together. That doesn’t mean we’ll be in a relationship though. I want to find someone that I can be their one and only.”

His face perked up and he leaned forward, catching my lips for a sensual kiss. “I can deal with that.”

I smacked him on the ass as he stood up, “Now, go to your room so I can take a shower and talk with your gorgeous wife.”

After he left, I shut the door between the rooms leaving it unlocked. If things played out like I assumed they would, we wouldn’t need it locked. I took a quick shower and then climbed into bed. It had been a long day, so I was going to text Vicki and figure out what she wanted from me.

**ME: So, your husband has insinuated that you are okay with him sleeping with me.**

**_VICKI: I hear a question there._ **

**ME: I just don’t understand why you would be okay with him sleeping with another woman.**

**_VICKI: Misha and I love each other very much. We have been together for years, ever since college. I realize that to you it may seem like cheating, but over time we developed a relationship where as long as we have permission, it’s okay._ **

**_VICKI: It’s hard to explain to someone that doesn’t live the lifestyle._ **

**ME: How often do you guys do this?**

**_VICKI: To be honest, not very. Misha is more than enough man for me, but sometimes I want something softer. As for Misha, well he has never done it on his own. It’s usually only when we bring a third into our bedroom. But with you, we decided that it was okay. We both like you, Alex. You are beautiful, funny, and I want you just as much as he does._ **

**ME: Really?**

**_VICKI: Yes!!!! Remember the mirror? I wasn’t kidding when I said that you are beautiful. I want you in my bed so I can get between your legs and lick you until you come. I want you to eat me out while Misha fucks you hard from behind._ **

**ME: Fuck, Vicki. You’re doing an excellent job turning me on right now.**

**_VICKI: Good! ;) Now, I know that sleeping with a married man is a taboo thing in today’s culture. But I want you to know that I won’t be upset. In fact, I want you to sleep with him. Fuck his brains out. Then, when he comes home to visit, I expect you to come too. In more ways than one. I want you in my bed, and I’m not ashamed to admit it._ **

**ME: Thanks, Vicki.**

**_VICKI: And Misha tells me everything, so have fun ;)_ **

I didn’t say anything else, just set my alarm an rolled over, trying to go to sleep. I could hear a phone ring through the closed connecting door and Misha laugh. But then it got quiet again. It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how long chapters are supposed to be, or where they should separate. Hopefully, I'm not making the story too choppy. I hope you guys are enjoying it. Putting it on AO3 is actually making me more inspired to write. Also, this part of the story is taking place in 2008, just in case anyone was curious and Alex is 23.

I woke to a text message from my old boss.

**_AMANDA: Oh my god, you lucky bitch._ **

**ME: What?**

**_AMANDA: You didn’t tell me you could sing. And fuck, you work with hotties._ **

**ME: I’m not following.**

**_AMANDA: Check out this link._ **

I clicked on the link she sent me in a text. It was to a video. Eric was holding the phone and you could hear singing in the background.

Eric said happily, “Hey guys, we’re back in Vancouver again. I’m here with Jared and Jensen,” the camera panned over to them. “And our newest member, Misha.” Misha waved. Eric brought the camera back to his face, “But, I’ve got a surprise for you. She’s new as well, and let’s just say, she has a great voice.”

The camera turned and was pointing at me on the stage, singing my rendition of Jolene. He didn’t get the whole thing, but when I heard myself sing, I was actually shocked at how good it sounded.

_ Your teeth are sharp, your mouth agape _ __   
_ Your claws rend flesh, there’s no escape _ _   
_ __ From the judgment of the Eldritch one, Jolene

_ Blackening the summer skies _ __   
_ With burning wings and countless eyes _ _   
_ __ We tremble at the thought of you, Jolene

_ Bliss withered from this awful truth _ __   
_ Gone is the ignorance of youth _ _   
_ __ The unrelenting mark of that Jolene

_ The foolish who came to defend _ __   
_ Their broken minds will never mend _ _   
_ __ They fell at the mere sight of you, Jolene

_ But I’ve seen beyond that auburn hair _ __   
_ My eyes have met your vacant stare _ _   
_ __ And I’ve been told I’m hard to scare, Jolene

_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ __   
_ I’ll end this story just how it began _ __   
_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ _   
_ __ I’ll take your teeth if you try to take my man

The camera panned back to Eric once more, “Hope you all enjoyed that. Don’t worry, there will be more posts about the shenanigans that we get up to on set.” And the video stopped.

**ME: Oh…**

**_AMANDA: Damn girl, I didn’t know you could sing like that. And what was that song? All the comments below are going nuts for the pretty girl who was singing about monsters._ **

**ME: It’s just something I wrote one night for fun. I never expected it to go on the internet.**

I looked at the comments and she was right. Most of them were fairly positive. There were a few that were disparaging, talking about how I was too fat to be on the show. Hating on me because they didn’t want new girls to join the cast. But pretty much everyone was just talking about how awesome the song was, how they should turn it into a Supernatural episode.

**_AMANDA: Well, you’re going viral is what you’re doing._ **

**ME: Fuck**

I sent her the facepalm emoji.

**_AMANDA: LOL! Just roll with it girl, you’re going to get press anyway being on Supernatural. But I expect you to invite me to a convention so I can meet your hot co-stars in person._ **

**ME: I’m not making any promises. My contract only goes for a few episodes. Ask me again if I get booked for more.**

**_AMANDA: I’ll hold you to that._ **

Looking at the clock, I saw that it was already 6:30. If I didn’t leave soon, I was going to be late. I quickly got dressed, making sure to grab extra clothes to change into afterward. I was about to head out the door when the center door opened and a sleepy Misha came into my room.

His sweatpants rode low on his hips, showing the flat muscular planes of his stomach. I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped open as he walked towards me. My hand was on the door handle, but my eyes stayed trained on the v of his hips.

Chuckling, Misha stood before me and pulled me against his body, using his fingers to lift my gaze to his face. “Morning, beautiful.” He placed a soft kiss on my lips, “Vicki called after she talked to you.”

I felt my face flush and I let my hands reach up to rest against his chest, “Yeah, we talked.” My hands moved to his hair and I pulled his face down to mine, “So, are you going to kiss me goodbye, or do I have to wait until tonight?”

Misha pulled me fully into his arms, his hands gripping my ass. I kept my hands on the back of his head and we kissed deeply, tongues dancing against one another. I moaned against him and he moved, pushing me backward. When I felt the bed against my legs, I slowed down our kissing session even as he pushed me so I was lying on the bed. He spread my legs and moved between them, one of his hands creeping under my shirt.

“Misha,” I moaned. Fingers encircled my breast, squeezing lightly. I could feel his erection pressing against my core and I lifted my hips to press closer to him. “Misha, I have to go.”

He pulled away, panting. His hand was still under my shirt, but he fell further against me, pressing his face into the crook of my neck, “Goddammit. I knew I should have come over last night.”

There wasn’t a lot of time left for me to spend with him, but I decided that being a few minutes late wasn’t the end of the world. I ran my fingers through his messy hair, “Well, at least you can rest easy in the knowledge that I feel okay being with you now.”

He pushed up so he was over me again. Eyes sparkling, he placed a soft kiss on my nose before giving me another deep kiss. He rolled over and stood so I saw his erection tenting his sweatpants. “Alright, well you better get out of here before I decide that you missing training is a good idea. I’ll take care of this,” he gestured to his hardon, “before coming to work.”

Standing, I walked over to him and gave him another soft kiss before leaving, “See you later, Misha.”

When I got to the studio, I had to run because I was already late for meeting Ryan. The crew that was around looked at me weird as I raced through the studio. When I got to the workout room, Ryan took a look at the clock and then at me. I stopped breathless, “Sorry. I have no excuses.”

The look on his face was surprisingly not as mad as I thought it would be, “Thank you for being honest and not trying to make up some reason for running late. When the J’s are late, they try to make up excuses. I would rather you just not lie to me. If you don’t want to tell me why you are late, that’s fine. But please try to be on time in the future.” He looked at me as I tossed down my purse, “Actually, if you want to get here a little early, you can get the warmup in before seven, that would probably be best”

“Sorry again, Ryan.” My face flushed, “I just got sidetracked. But I’m ready to get started.”

We spent the next hour with Ryan going over what I learned the day prior. After that, he had me do some strength training exercises. I couldn’t do real pushups, so he let me do the knee ones. We had started doing some actual fight training when Jensen and Jared came in. They stood a bit to the side and watched as Ryan and I threw punches at each other, using our arms to push the punches to the side.

After several minutes of that, we stopped and I fell to the mat, exhausted. Ryan looked down at me, “You did good, kid. We’re going to have you kicking butt in no time.”

Jensen crouched down by me, “Sweetheart, having fun down there?”

“Yeah, just relaxing here on the super comfortable floor.” He stood and helped me up. We were really close to one another and it was a little bit awkward, but not because I didn’t want it. His eyes smoldered at me, but he didn’t move closer.

Jared cleared his throat, and Jensen and I jumped apart. I’m pretty sure I had a super guilty look on my face. He moved to talk to Ryan, leaving Jensen and I standing four feet apart from one another. “Well, I’m going to go take a shower. Do you know if we’re doing the scene today?”

“I think Eric wants to do a run through of it. But find him and ask, just to be sure. Don’t want to get all dressed up for nothing.” He gave me a quick up and down appreciative look, “Better get going.”

I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the gym to the showers. There was no one else in there, so I didn’t have to hide the fact that I was flustered and confused. Both Misha and Jensen had a way of making me feel weak at the knees. With Misha, I knew that he had the approval of his wife and I was fairly certain this thing we had wouldn’t go much beyond having some fun and becoming better friends.

Jensen on the other hand, I didn’t know what to expect from him. Every time he looked into my eyes I got this fluttering in my stomach. There was something about him, it was hard to explain, but I could sense that there was more to him than the heartthrob that the fandom loved. I sat there for a few minutes on one of the benches, trying to calm my arousal down enough that I could focus.

Once I felt calmer, I took a shower and put on my clean clothes. Eric was talking to Misha when I got there, who was dressed in a suit and trench coat. Even though the trench coat was a good two sizes too big for him, it looked awesome. Kind of like a lawyer or something. The semi-loose tie also gave me visuals of what it would be like for him to use that to tie my hands to the bedpost. 

And just like that, my arousal was peaked again. It took me a minute to compose myself enough that it wouldn’t be obvious to Eric that I was dripping. I walked over and flicked the lapel of the trench coat, “Nice jacket.”

“Yeah, well at least this covers everything. You get to be all delicious in that red number they call a dress,” Misha laughed.

“And with that, I need you to go get changed,” Eric said. “We’re going to head out to the barn to do a run through. Misha has experience with acting in front of the camera, but I’m assuming that it will take a few times to get it right.”

“Copy that, sir. I’ll go get dressed.” I headed towards the dressing room.

Misha followed behind me and when we got to an area with no people, he pushed me up against a wall. Lifting one of my legs, he put it around his waist and kissed me. I moaned, grinding against him. He groaned into my mouth, “Fucking hell, Alex. I had two orgasms this morning after that kiss and I’m still fucking hard.”

“Yeah well, between you and…” I didn’t say who, but he knew. “I’ve been fucking wet all morning. The only time I wasn’t was when Ryan was training me. I mean, normally wrestling around on the ground with a hot, sweaty man would get me all hot and bothered. But Ryan is gay, so that isn’t a problem. But this trench coat, and that tie...fuck.”

He kissed me again before putting me down, “Just don’t call Eric sir again. I had just managed to get my erection calmed down when you said that. The only person I want you calling sir is me. Do it again and I’ll have to take you over my knee.”

“I might like that.” I chuckled as he groaned again, “I gotta get dressed now. Hopefully, I don’t smell like arousal.”


	7. Chapter 7

I left Misha to calm himself down and went into the group dressing room. The boys had their own personal dressing rooms, as did the other main cast members. Since I was still so new, they had me in the large area that all the extras and temporary help dressed in.

The lady that helped me slip into the dress didn’t say anything, only tutted when they saw a bruise on my arm that was new from this morning. Luckily, the makeup lady didn’t have any trouble covering it. Now, when the hairdresser saw that my hair was soaking wet, he was definitely not happy. It took him twice as long because he had to dry my long hair first. But he didn’t complain too much, because with it wet he had a somewhat easier time getting it to do what he wanted.

The bus ride to the barn was a lot better than the first one with Jensen. Misha sat down next to me before Jensen could. I honestly wasn’t sure if I was happy about it or not. It was easier staying away from temptation if he was away from me, but I didn’t know if I truly wanted to be away from him. But with him being in a relationship with Danneel, I was unsure of how to proceed with him.

When we got to the barn, Jim and Jensen started off with their lines. I had a bit before my entrance, so I sat back and enjoyed watching them.

Dean and Bobby are sitting on a couple of tables, swinging their legs, looking bored. Dean gives Bobby a look, “You sure you did the ritual right?” He glared at him, “Sorry. Touchy, touchy, huh?”

The crew up on the roof started shaking it, making a lot of noise. Dean and Bobby armed themselves with guns and took positions at the far end of the building.

Dean sighed a little, “Wishful thinking, maybe it’s just the wind.”

The doors burst open on cue and Castiel stalked in. The way that Misha walked was like sex on a stick. I felt myself growing more aroused watching him.

Then, Cas and Dean were standing near each other, the tension in the air thick. Dean’s voice was angry, “Who are you?”

“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition,” Castiel’s voice was an octave lower than Misha’s real voice. While it was hot, I like his real voice better. The gravelly voice worked better on Jensen.

“Yeah, thanks for that.” Dean’s arm with the fake knife reared back and plunged down on Castiel’s chest.

Eric called cut, and a few crew members came and did something to make it so the knife would stick on Misha’s chest for another minute until he pulled it out. He winked at me as I watched. Eric came over to me, “You’re going to be on soon. Ready?” I nodded. “Good. After Misha says that they need to talk alone, we’re going to pause and you’ll move over. With editing later, we’ll make it look like you just appear. Trust me, it will be cooler than it sounds.”

“Copy that, boss man.”

After the crew left, Eric called action.

Castiel looked down at the knife with a bored expression and pulled it out, dropping it to the floor. Bobby attacked, and honestly when Misha grabbed the weapon without looking my insides clenched with need. He may not have been good with the fight training, but when his cue said to be badass he did it well.

He swung Bobby around before touching his forehead. Bobby crumpled to the ground and Castiel turned back to Dean, “We need to talk, Dean. Alone.”

Eric called cut and told the boys to freeze, “Your turn, Alex. Knock ‘em dead.”

I hurried out to my mark and stood straight. From what Eric had said at my audition, I was trying to add a bit of tension when I stared into Jensen’s eyes. I spoke with authority, channeling my inner Vulcan, “You do not get to do this alone, Castiel. We were sent here to set things right, not to make them worse.”

Dean glared at me, his eyes full of anger and anguish. He turned to Castiel, “What did you do to Bobby?” He crouched down on the floor next to Bobby, putting two fingers on his pulse.

“Your friends alive,” Misha said.

“We are not here to hurt you, Dean.” I walked over to him and crouched down near Dean. A little practice in my dress made it a lot better than my audition. My crouch was pretty ladylike, even if I was the only one who thought so. I put two fingers on Bobby’s head, “Bobby will be fine.”

I stood back up. Dean looked between me and Castiel, crossing his arms. “What are you?”

Misha spoke, “I’m an angel of the Lord.”

“Get the hell out of here, there’s no such thing.”

“This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.” A light flashed to simulate the lightning that would illuminate Castiel’s wings. I was supposed to be an angel as well, even if my name in the script so far was just ‘female angel.’ I didn’t get the cool wing shot, at least not yet.

Dean gave Castiel another angry look, “Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman’s eyes.”

“I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be… overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that.”

“You mean the gas station and the motel.” A look of comprehension came over Dean’s face, “That was you talking?” Castiel nodded, “Buddy, next time, lower the volume.”

“That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong.”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest, eyeing Castiel up and down. “And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?” He turned to me, “And her, she a high-class hooker or something?”

“These? These are our vessels.”

“You're possessing some poor bastard?”

“He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this. As they both did.”

“Well, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?” Dean’s voice grew angrier.

Castiel frowned at him, “I told you.”

Dean gave an angry laugh, “Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?”

“Good things do happen, Dean.”

He scoffed, “Not in my experience.”

“What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?”

I took a second to try something out since this was just a run through. Eric was filming it, just in case we got something good. However, I wasn’t sure how he felt about improvising, so I just kept a calm demeanor and played it like I knew what I was doing. I walked closer to Dean and put a hand on his shoulder which he looked at in surprise, “You may not believe us, Dean. You do not need to. That is not why we are here. We are not here to get you to believe or to change your mind. We are here because God commanded it. We have work for you to do, there is no other that can.”

When Eric called cut, he came over and had an interesting look on his face. It was a cross between confusion and happiness. “So, what was that?”

I couldn’t decide if he was happy with me or not. My face flushed, “Sorry, Eric. I just had a thought. You said something about wanting to increase the sexual tension between my character and Dean. Even though my character, whose name I still don’t know, by the way, is supposed to be all calm and collected, I figure that with her being an angel she will try to bring comfort to those who need it. Plus, physical touch is a gateway to more.”

“No, you misunderstand me. I totally loved it. Now Jensen reacted, so we can’t use that take, but you improving like that, I have nothing against creative liberty. Some of the best lines come from an actor making them up.” He gave me a huge smile, “Now if we can just get Jensen to react correctly, it will be better.”

“Sorry boss, I wasn’t expecting her to touch me. Kind of surprised me.” Jensen gave me a sensual look, “How is it that you want me to react. Angry, confused, horny?”

We all laughed except Misha. He looked a little irritated, but his face relaxed when I smiled at him. Eric sobered up, “Let’s start with angry. Dean wouldn’t want to sleep with her that quick…”

“Yes he would,” Jensen and I said at the same time. This time, even Misha laughed.

“Okay, okay.” Eric chuckled, “But let’s stick with anger. I want you to look down at her hand and then back at her. Try to make it sexual anger.”

“Can do, boss.”

We spent the rest of the day running the scene. It wasn’t even due to the pranks that the boys were infamous for. Probably because they didn’t know Misha and me very well. After the first take, I flubbed my lines on a couple of the takes. Misha kept bursting out laughing when Jensen would look to my hand and then to me because his eyes would be trained on my boobs instead of my face. We could tell Eric was getting frustrated, so the three of us banded together and decided that we were going to try and get it in one take.

Dean looked between me and Castiel, an angry look overtaking his face, “Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?”

“Good things do happen, Dean.” Castiel’s voice tried to sound soothing, but the look on Dean’s face said he wasn’t buying it.

He scoffed, “Not in my experience.”

“What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?”

I walked closer to Dean and put a hand on his shoulder. The angry look was back as he narrowed his eyes, looking from my hand to my face. The heat in his gaze surprised me, but I tried to remain collected. Taking a breath, I softened my face and voice, “You may not believe us, Dean. You do not need to. That is not why we are here. We are not here to get you to believe or to change your mind. We are here because God commanded it. We have work for you to do, there is no other that can.”

When we finished the final take, the crew clapped and so did Eric. He came bounding over to us, “Perfection. That was exactly what I wanted. Anger with a little bit of sexual tension. It looks even more so on the screen. The fans are going to love this!” He ran off to talk to someone else.

“Yeah, or they’re going to hate me,” I said quietly.

“Sweetheart,” I looked up and saw Jensen standing only a few inches from me. “There will always be fans that hate you because you are beautiful, or because you are new.” His fingers reached up and tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear. “But, most of them will love you. Just wait and see. We do a screening party of the first episode, where the entire cast watches together. After, we do a live stream and talk to the fans, answering any questions.”

I couldn’t help but lean against Jensen’s hand that was still touching the side of my face. When I closed my eyes for a second, I felt him close the last couple inches so he was almost touching me. I didn’t want to look into his deep green eyes, so I just enjoyed the moment. A pair of lips grazed against my cheek and moved to my ear, “You are fucking gorgeous, Alex. Beautiful inside and out. If everyone doesn’t love you, I will make it my mission to see that they change their mind. I want you to stay on the show with me.”

My eyes flew open and I saw him, eyes dilated with an intense expression on his face. He was close enough that I could lean forward and kiss him if I wanted. I licked my lips, drawing his eyes down to my mouth. He started to lean forward slowly when a voice called, “Everyone to the bus, we’re heading back now.”

That snapped me out of it. I pulled back, flushing at the knowledge of what I was about to do. I didn’t say anything to Jensen, just turned and rushed back to the bus, sitting next to a random crew member. There was no way I was going to chance Jensen sitting next to me, and I didn’t want Misha to ruin my high of being near Jensen.

When Jensen climbed onto the bus, his eyes narrowed when he saw where I was sitting. Still, he took a seat near the front like normal. Misha looked sad when he got on. Although he cheered up slightly when he saw I wasn’t sitting with Jensen. I couldn’t understand why he was acting like a jealous boyfriend.


	8. Chapter 8

Back at the hotel, I sat on the bed and waited for Misha. I didn’t dress up, just stayed in the stretchy pants and plain white shirt I had been wearing earlier. I heard his door shut and couldn’t help but get a little breathless thinking about what was to come. I sat there for several minutes, waiting for the center door to open and him to walk through it, but he never came.

My heart sunk, unsure of what was going on with him. I stood and walked over to the door, opening it. But his side was shut and locked. There was silence on the other side when I knocked, even though I knew he was there. 

Placing a hand on the door, I said softly, “Misha?” Still nothing, “I don’t know what you want from me, Misha. I can’t help how I feel, and it’s not like I can have him.” I gave a miserable laugh, “It’s not like I get to have you either if we’re being honest.”

I heard footsteps and the door unlocked, a sad looking Misha on the other side. He seemed so upset that I reached out and put my arms around his waist. It took a few seconds before he did the same. He rested his head on my shoulder, “I’m sorry, Alex.”

“Why? You haven’t done anything.”

He pulled back a little bit, “This isn’t fair to you. Expecting you to be with just me when I have Vicki. I can never be with you the way someone else could. All I can give you is…”

I reached up and put my hand over his mouth, “I know exactly what I can get from you and that is enough for me. You are an awesome human being Misha Collins. And your wife is great too. Maybe we should put this, whatever this is, on hold until we can be with Vicki.”

Leaning down, he gave me a soft kiss. “We don’t have to wait for that, but let’s not do this tonight. I’m tired, and I’m sure you are too.”

Pulling him into my room, I deepened the kiss, letting my fingers trail until his shirt to his muscular back, “Please, Misha. I want you, I want this.” I took a step away and lifted my shirt over my head, pushed down my pants and stepped out of them so I was standing there naked. One step closer to him and I grabbed his hand, “Come to bed with me.”

Misha took a step closer and his lips captured mine, tongue thrusting into my mouth. I moaned against him as I felt him swell. He ripped off his own shirt as I pushed his sweatpants down. We were still kissing when my hand reached to grip his cock. I gasped and looked down at it, mouth-watering, “Jesus, you’re hung.”

I fell to my knees and pushed his cock up, licking it from the base to the tip. Wrapping my lips around the head, I swirled my tongue around it, then pushed down, taking as much as I could before gagging. As I pulled back off, I sucked and heard him groan. Up and down, I used my mouth to fuck him.

“Fuck, Alex, you’ve got to stop.” He pulled me off him and up until I was standing. His tongue entered my mouth again and I was pushed back onto the bed. 

Spreading my legs, one of my hands moved down to my wet pussy. A finger slid in between my labia, pushing into my core. I moaned, “I wish this was your cock, Misha. Your big, hard cock.”

He growled and shoved my legs apart, lining his cock up with my entrance. “Is this what you want?” He slid just the tip in as a finger rubbed against my clit, “You want this, baby girl?” All I could do was moan and he pulled out. His voice growled even deeper than it was when he was playing Castiel, “Only good girls get fucked, baby girl. Now, do you want this cock?” He pushed the tip back in.

I opened my eyes and the sight of him kneeling on the bed, hard cock at my entrance almost had me coming right then. “Fuck me, sir. Fuck me so hard I can’t walk tomorrow.”

He pushed his cock into me slowly and I gasped at the pain. He was thicker than anyone I had ever been with before and seeing as how it had been a while, I wasn’t used to his girth. When he was fully seated in me, he stopped to let me get used to his size. All the while, his thumb was rubbing on my clit.

Once the pain had stopped, I raised my hips up and looked into his eyes, “Fuck me, Misha.”

He bent and captured my mouth with his, “As you wish.” He drew almost all the way out and thrust back in, hard. I gasped and moaned. He kept a slow pace, pulling almost all the way out before thrusting back in, one hand holding my hips down so I couldn’t increase the pace, the other rubbing my clit just hard enough that I was on the edge of coming.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him as deep into me as he could go, holding him there as I looked into his eyes. My hands reached up and I pulled his face down to mine so I could kiss him, “Fuck me hard. I want to feel you for a week.”

He looked conflicted, “Are you sure?”

“Make me so I forget everyone but you, Misha.”

He smiled as I released my legs. He grabbed them and pulled them up so I was folded in half. Holding them in place, he started moving again slowly and I whimpered, “Don’t worry, baby girl. It’s coming.”

He started moving faster, slowly increasing his pace until he was pounding in and out of me so I hard that I started coming, screaming his name. As my insides clenched on his hard cock he pushed into me once, then again, and finally one more time before coming with a loud groan.

He released my legs and fell on top of me, his slowly softening cock still inside me. I chuckled, I couldn’t help it, “Holy fuck, who would have thought you had that in your pants. Shit, how does Vicki walk straight?”

He laughed as he pulled out and got up. Coming back with a damp washcloth, he softly cleaned us up, “When I fuck her that hard, she doesn’t.” There was no cockiness when he said that. “We try to only do that on the weekends so she can go to work, you’re going to be feeling that at work tomorrow, especially with how tight you were.”

After he put the washcloth away, he turned to the center door. I reached out my hand, “Come sleep with me, Misha. I want to wake up in your arms.”

He smiled, “Let me just grab the phone. I need to call Vicki before we sleep.”

I climbed under the covers and set my alarm. When he came back, I was already starting to fall asleep. I heard him saying, “God Vicki, you should have seen her. She was so fucking responsive.”

He climbed into bed and I sighed, wrapping my arms around his waist. “You want to talk to her?” He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, “Love, Vicki wants to say hi.”

He held the phone against my ear since both of mine were wrapped around him, “Hey, Vicki.”

“Well, hello there,” her voice sounded thick with longing. “I hear you had a good night with my husband.”

“Holy shit, Vicki. I’m pretty sure the only way it would have been better is if you were with us.” I snuggled closer to Misha and yawned, “You’re a pretty awesome wife, I just want you to know.”

“Alright beautiful girl, you go to sleep now. I hope you’ll come out when there is a break from shooting, I want you in my bed too.”

“Definitely,” I said as my eyes closed. “Can’t wait.”


	9. Chapter 9

The weeks passed by pretty quickly. Every morning I would get to the gym and warm up for fifteen to thirty minutes as I waited for Ryan. For the hour after that, Ryan would teach me things like how to fall without hurting myself, how to make it look like I took a punch and other things that would be used in real fight scenes.

The part that I really loved was when we would just spar. It was one of the few things that I truly missed about doing karate, moving with another person as if dancing. Our arms and legs, punching and kicking, both of us trying to hit the other while blocking. We never hurt one another, if I’m being honest it’s more like, he never hurt me. I was getting stronger and better every day, but he was still the teacher, I was merely his student.

Almost every night, Misha and I would spend it in each other's arms. We didn’t always have sex, but when we did, it was explosive. There were times when we would Skype with Vicki so she could watch and direct our actions. Those were some of my favorite times. Being with Misha had made me realize that I liked a little bit of dom/sub play in the bedroom, so hearing her sexy voice telling me to choke on his cock drove me absolutely crazy.

Because I was sleeping with him, Misha had gotten over the jealousy of seeing me pine after Jensen. He was the one that got to take me home every night and make me scream his name. There is something about knowing that no matter how much the girl you are fucking wants someone else, that you are the one who gets to see that side of her, not the other guy. 

For Jensen, he was as flirty as ever. A lot of takes had to be redone because he was too flirty. My character, who I eventually found out was named Evangeline, was still coping with trying to figure her way on the human plane. Castiel and Evangeline were together in almost every scene, and while we tried to keep it professional, Jensen’s eyes would keep moving down my body, checking me out. Eric actually got mad once, yelling at Jensen. Telling him that Dean didn’t need to undress her with his eyes every single time he saw her.

I actually took off after that, claiming that I was sick. Even though I had Misha in my bed, I still wanted Jensen. Every time he flirted with me or gave me that sexy stare, I wanted to fall into his arms and kiss him senseless. He tried a few times to get me alone, but I was careful to avoid that. Making sure that whenever he was around me, someone else was there, even if it was just a PA.

The touches were what made it the hardest. I would be sitting in a chair, waiting for my next scene and he would come up behind me, hands caressing the back of my neck. His strong fingers would dig into my shoulders, massaging the knots where I carried all of my tension. When I would lean forward for him to get my shoulders, his fingers would stray from my back to my sides, lightly touching the sides of my boobs.

Usually, when that happened no one was watching us. I did catch Jared watching us a couple of times though. He always had this look of anger on his face, but it seemed to be directed more towards me than Jensen. Almost as if he was blaming me for Jensen’s flirting.

When I caught Jared would give me that look, I would avoid Jensen, except when we were doing a scene. The nice thing about not having my own trailer, he couldn’t catch me alone that way. I would spend time with Misha or with Gen, just to avoid being alone with Jensen.

The best part about being on the show though was watching Jared and Gen fall in love. I wasn’t needed on set every day, but I would often come down to watch. I wanted to see what was happening on the show. It was so sweet to watch them. To watch Jared trailing after her with a sappy look on his face. Even Jensen had a wistful look when he watched them. I couldn’t tell why probably missing his girlfriend.

On September 18th, we had a big party to watch the first episode in Jensen’s trailer. I found myself on the couch between Jensen and Misha. Jensen turned to me, “Excited to see your first episode?”

“Yeah,” I curled against Misha, trying to avoid touching him. “I just hope the fans like me.”

He reached out and patted my leg before pulling away, “Don’t worry, I’m sure they will love you.”

We watched the episode and I was blown away by how well done it was. When the lightning flashed and Cas’s wings were illuminated, I gasped. Misha whispered in my ear, “Too bad we didn’t get to see your wings too. That would have been even better.”

When my character came on, I leaned forward to watch. I wasn’t happy with how big I looked in the dress, but it wasn’t as bad as I had originally thought. Since shooting that first scene, I had actually lost about ten pounds from all the working out Ryan had me doing. The wardrobe people weren’t happy that they had to keep taking in the dress, but I felt a lot more confident.

After the show was over, Jared joined us on the couch, sitting next to Jensen. They started the live chat with just the two of them on screen. Jensen started, “Hey guys! Thanks for watching the first episode of the new season. What did you guys think?”

Misha and I were looking at the chat on my phone. I saw mostly positive things from the fans.

_ We love you guys! _ __   
_ Holy shit, I never thought it would be an angel. _ __   
_ Did you see that angel, he’s hot. _ _   
_ __ Marry me, Jensen.

The rest of the chat was like that. Talking about how much they love the show, how much the love Sam and Dean, what the characters mean to them. No one had said anything about Evangeline yet.

Jared seemed choked up, “We are so glad to be back, doing this for you guys. But we have a couple of others here with us that want to say hi.” He moved the phone they were using and we all crowded closer together, “This is Alex and Misha, our newest cast members.”

The chats came in faster and I couldn’t keep up with what people were saying. Although, I did see a lot talking about how Misha was hotter out of the trenchcoat. Jensen spoke this time, “What did you guys think of our angels?”

The messages were mostly positive. Most of them were directed to Misha, talking about how gorgeous he was. Only a couple talked about me at all. I was okay with that. If they weren’t saying anything good, at least they weren’t saying anything bad. Then a chat came through that broke my heart and I had a hard time hiding it.

_ Why’d you guys have to get a fat cow to play the girl angel? Couldn’t you have gotten someone better, someone prettier? She doesn’t even have any acting experience. _

When Misha saw that, he put his arm around me trying to offer comfort. I just drew on my character to try and not cry. Jared saw it first and was mad, “Hey, we don’t care if you don’t like a character. But bullying will not be tolerated in this fandom. We are accepting of everyone, no matter what they look like and I thought you guys were better than that. Alex is our friend, I would hope that you could be as accepting of her as you are of us.”

A lot of other chats came through then, flooding the screen so the assholes comment was far away. Everyone else offered their voices of encouragement, telling me that they thought I did a great job. Someone even commented that I was nowhere near fat, but that they were happy I wasn’t a twig. That there was some representation on the screen for someone that wasn’t the normal size 0 of Hollywood standards. With all the love and support coming through, I started to cry softly. Jensen put his hand on my leg, trying to offer support. I think he would have pulled me against him if I hadn’t of been in Misha’s arms.

My voice came out a little garbled because I was crying, “Thanks guys, that means a lot to me.”

The boys pulled the camera back on them and answered questions for the fans for another thirty minutes. The entire time, I was curled against Misha’s side and Jensen’s hand was on my thigh, rhythmically stroking up and down. I found myself drifting to sleep between the two boys who starred in my dreams at night.

I heard voices in my sleep, “Look, she can just stay here. She’s sleeping, man.”

Jared sounded irritated, “Jay, you know that’s a bad idea.”

“I’m not going to fuck her, Jared, give me a little credit.”

I felt Misha pull out of my embrace and gently place me against the couch. He stood and said softly, “We shouldn’t make that decision for her.”

“No, we shouldn’t,” I could hear how exasperated Jared was getting.

They were starting to get loud so I woke fully. Opening my eyes, I pushed myself into a sitting position. Misha and Jared gave me a look before Jensen shooed them out of the trailer. I looked over at Jensen, “Sorry for passing out halfway through the live stream.”

“No worries,” he helped me stand up. We were standing inches apart again, this time there was no one there to stop us. His hand came up and his fingers threaded through my hair. He pulled me closer to him until he was looking down at me, “You are so fucking beautiful.”

When he kissed me, it was the like time stood still. I know that sounds corny, but it’s the best way to describe it. Our lips met and there was nothing else, just me and him, everything else just faded away. The kiss was gentle but thorough. My body was pressed fully against his, letting me feel every inch of him. It was too much.

My mind was blank, the only thought I had was of Jensen. When he pulled away, I opened my eyes and stared into his. He had this expression on his face like I was everything. Standing there like that, I started to come back to my senses and remembered Danneel. I pushed him slightly so he backed away, “Jensen, we can’t do this.”

“I know,” he pulled me closer again and captured my mouth with his.

“Seriously, we can’t do this. You have Danneel.”

“Danni isn’t here right now. You are.” He tried to kiss me again, but I pushed him away.

My eyes glistened with unshed tears, “Why? Why are you doing this?”

Jensen moved several feet away from me and roughly ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.”

“You love Danneel, right?” He nodded and I felt a tear roll down my cheek, “You can’t do this, Jensen. I care for you too much to get in between your guy's relationship. We have to stop.”

“I don’t know if I can, Alex,” his voice was soft and anguished. He looked like he wanted to cry, “There’s just something about you, every time I see you I just want to pull you in my arms. You make me feel more than I have in a long time.”

“But you love Danni.”

“But I love Danni.” He shook his head, “I care about you too.”

I tried to come up with a solution, but there wasn’t any way I could see this ending well, “Maybe I should quit the show. They haven’t signed me up past those few episodes, and we are almost done with filming those episodes. Maybe I should tell Eric to just kill me off.”

“No,” his voice came out loud enough that Jared came back into the trailer.

Jared looked between us and knew that something had happened. Instead of getting angry like he normally did, he actually looked upset, “What’s going on guys?”

“Alex is talking about leaving the show.”

Jared looked at me, surprised, “Why? They love you, Alex. We love working with you.”

“I haven’t decided anything.” I could feel tears streaming down my face as I looked at Jensen’s miserable face. “Look, I’m tired and need to sleep. I promise not to make a decision without talking to you guys first, okay?” They nodded and moved out of my way as I walked towards the entrance of the trailer. I gave Jared a hug first and then gave one to Jensen. While I hugged Jensen, I whispered, “I care about you too much to let you lose the best thing in your life.”

When I got outside, Misha was waiting for me by the car. He saw the tears and didn’t say anything, just drove us back to the hotel. Inside, he walked me to the door but stopped before coming in. I was still crying, but the tears had slowed. I pulled him inside, “Will you stay with me tonight?”

He nodded and pulled me onto the bed, wrapping his long arms around my body. When he kissed the top of my head, I started sobbing again, “Do you want to tell me what happened?” I shook my head, “Okay. Well, I’m here for you if you need me.”


	10. Chapter 10

At work the next day, Jared came up to me while I was getting my hair and makeup done. “You got a second?”

I nodded and asked the people working on us to give us some space. When they left the room, I turned to Jared, “What’s up?”

“Jensen won’t tell me what happened last night,” he had this look of pain on his face. “I stayed with him after you left, watching as he drowned himself in a bottle of whiskey. He drank almost half of the bottle before he passed out.”

I had to look away from him. I didn’t want Jared to see how guilty I felt at his words, “What do you want me to say, Jared?”

“Please look at me.” The anguish for his friend was plain, so I turned back. I’m sure he could see my red-rimmed eyes, but I was doing my best to not break down and cry. “I don’t know how to help him. Jay is my best friend, I love him like a brother. He’s hurting right now, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

A tear rolled down my cheek, “I don’t know either.”

He crouched down in front of me, “I know you’re hurting too. I can see it when you look at him.” He placed a gentle hand on my cheek, “You love him, don’t you?”

This was more kindness than he had shown me since I started the show. Jared was always a nice guy to me, treating me like a friend, but he had always sided with Jensen. It had felt like he blamed me for making Jensen like me. More tears rolled down my face, “I don’t know, Jared. I know that I feel more for him than I’ve ever felt for anyone else. Is that love? Is it love that I can’t stop thinking about him? That when I fall asleep at night it’s him who I want holding me. I can’t have him, Jared. It doesn’t matter what I want, he has Danneel. And like you said, he’s going to marry her.”

“Fuck,” his head fell down and he rested his forehead on my knee. I put a hand on top of his head, trying to comfort him. When Jared looked back up at me, he had tears in his eyes too, “I just want him to have what Gen and I have.”

“Me too,” I wiped the tear off Jared’s cheek as it fell. “I’m going to keep my distance from him. As much as it hurts me, he loves her. I won’t be the person that wrecks that. I can’t be the person that wrecks that. Just promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

“Be there for him. Help him realize that this is for the best. Maybe if we are never alone, he can get over this stupid crush he has for me and realizes that he is better off with her.” My voice broke at the end, even though I tried to hide how depressed this was making me.

“Alex, it’s more than a crush.”

I shook my head, “It can’t be. He loves Danneel. There is no way he feels for me even a tenth of what he feels for her. She is his endgame, not me.”

“Shouldn’t you let Jensen decide that?”

“He hasn’t spent time with her in weeks. I’m sure once he sees her again, he’ll forget all about me.”

“Alex,” Jared’s voice was soft.

“No,” I wiped at my face, trying to get rid of the tears that fell. “This is my choice, Jared. I’m choosing to not be the person the world hates for breaking up the perfect couple. I’m choosing to not be the reason that Jensen loses out on the love of his life. We haven’t known each other long enough to be anything real. He’s known Danneel for years, they have history.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“Just leave it, Jared.” I turned away from him, “Go find your friend, make sure he’s okay. Just try and help him see that he needs to be there for Danni.”

“I’ll try.”

When the door shut, I knew that Jared was gone. The tears started in earnest then, turning into sobs. When the crew came back in to finish getting me ready, they took one look at me and left again. They were gone for a few minutes when the door opened again and strong arms pulled me into an embrace.

“Shh, baby girl, it’s okay,” Misha spoke to me in a soothing voice, his hands rubbing my back in concentric circles. “It’s going to be alright.”

“No, it’s not,” I sobbed. He continued rubbing my back, trying to calm me down, “Why do I lose everything I care about?”

“Fuck, I shouldn’t have left you alone with Jensen last night,” his voice cracked.

His pain brought me out my own, and I hiccuped as I tried to stop crying, “This isn’t your fault, Misha.”

“If I hadn’t left you alone with him, you wouldn’t be in here crying right now.”

I pulled away and wiped at the tears, taking a deep breath in and out. Once I was fully calm, I looked at Misha and tried to smile, “This has been coming for a while now. It just came to a head after last night, that’s all. I didn’t expect Jensen to kiss me.”

“Wait, he kissed you?” Misha looked incredulous.

“Yeah, he did. But I’m not planning on chasing after him like some lovesick teenager. He has Danneel and I have…”

“You have me.”

I choked out a laugh, “I have you in my bed, but I don’t really have you. I share you with Vicki. As much as I love our arrangement, I eventually want to fall in love and get married. Have a guy that’s all mine and no one else’s.”

“I know,” he gave me a soft kiss. “You okay now? Should I go get the crew back in here to get you ready? Eric is going to be wondering what’s going on.”

“Yes, please.”

Misha left and the crew came back in, being extra gentle with me. They laid moist pads over my eyes to take down the swelling, and one of them massaged my neck a little while the other did my makeup. They didn’t say a word to me, just tried to keep me from breaking down again.

After I was ready, I gave them a grateful look and headed out to the stage where we were going to be filming the next scene. Jensen and Rob were standing around talking. I hadn’t actually met Rob yet, so I walked over and gave them both a huge smile, “Hi, I’m Alex.”

Rob stuck out his hand and I shook it, “Rob. Jensen’s been telling me all about you. Apparently, you’re the prodigy actress who came out of nowhere.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m a prodigy.” 

Jensen came over and wrapped an arm around me, stepping away when I tensed, “You’re too hard on yourself, Alex. You’re better than you realize.”

Eric came over, “Are we ready to go?” We all nodded, “Good. Places everyone.”

The set was Chuck’s house. Dean is sitting on the couch as Chuck walks in the front door. Chuck gave him a look that said he had expected him, “Dean.”

“I take it you knew I’d be here.”

“You look terrible,” Chuck said, taking in the bandages on his face.

“That’s cause I just got hit by a minivan, Chuck.”

“Oh.”

Dean stood, gesturing wildly, “That it? Every damn thing you write about me comes true; that’s all you have to say is ‘oh’?”

“Please don’t yell at me.”

“Why do I get the feeling there’s something that you’re not telling us?”

“What wouldn’t I be telling you?” Chuck sounded confused.

“How do you know what you know, for starters!” Dean was starting to sound angry.

“I don’t know how I know, I just do!”

“That’s not good enough,” Dean shoves Chuck into the wall, his arm at his neck, “How the hell are you doing this?”

Eric called cut, having the guys stay where they were while Misha and I took our places.

“Dean, let him go!” Castiel said authoritatively. “This man is to be protected.”

“Why?”

I walked over, putting my hand on Dean’s shoulder, “He’s a prophet of the lord.”

Chuck sputter, “You...you’re Castiel and Evangeline, aren’t you?”

“It’s an honor to meet you, Chuck. I...admire your work,” Castiel said as he picked up a book and started flipping through the pages.

“Whoa, whoa, what? This guy, a prophet? Come on, he’s - he’s...he’s practically a Penthouse Forum writer.” He looked at Chuck, “Did you know about this?”

The scene continued, with Dean, Chuck, and Castiel talking about what Chuck did or did not know. My character faded into the background, which I didn’t really mind. When the camera panned over to me for my next line, I froze as Jensen looked at me expectantly.

Eric called cut and came over. He pulled me off to the side, “What’s going on, Alex? We need you on your A-game. Are you sick?”

I shook my head, “I’m just...having a bad day.”

He looked over at Jensen who was watching me with a pained look on his face, “Maybe we should call it a day on your scene. We can get the others done, come back to this after the weekend.”

I felt tears well in my eyes again. Trying to stop them, I rubbed at my eyes only succeeding in smearing my makeup. Eric sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder, “Go home. We’ll pick your part up next week. And if you decide to come, we’re having another karaoke night tonight.”

“I’ll think about it.” 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter makes me cry. If you want a good cry, go watch it on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPG1n1B0Ydw

I went and got out of my red dress, putting back on my normal clothes and drove myself back to the hotel. It wasn’t that late, only four in the afternoon. I took an hour to take a shower and get ready, wanting to get to the bar early to start drinking. My plan was to get drunk, so I took a cab there.

When I arrived, I saw Sam sitting by himself at the bar. I felt bad after he helped me I hadn’t ignored him on purpose, but with Misha and Jensen, I just didn’t want to add a third complication. I walked over and sat down next to him, “Hey Sam.”

He looked over at me, surprised, “Alex, didn’t expect to see you.”

“I’m sorry, I should have called or texted you, it’s just…”

“Complicated?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Pretty much.”

“Does this have anything to do with the green-eyed guy that ran out during your song with the red-head, or maybe the other guy who was undressing you with his eyes?”

“Both?” I couldn’t help but sound unsure.

He laughed, “Well, you’re here now. So, how about that drink?”

“Well, I’m planning on getting drunk enough to serenade the green-eyed guy. I’m pretty sure he won’t be happy with it. Maybe you can help me out again.”

Sam ordered us each a shot of whiskey. When he gave it to me, I downed it, ordering myself another. Once that came, I downed it as well. Sam gave me a look, “Starting off fast, are we?”

“The song I want to serenade him with, it’s not the kind he’s expecting. He hurt me. Not intentionally, but still, I was crying at work, which is not something I can have happening.”

“So, what’s the song?”

“Stay, by Sugarland.” I avoided looking him in the eyes.

“I know that one, I can play it with you if you don’t want to do it with the machine.” He ordered another two drinks, passing me one, “It sounds better acoustic anyways.”

“You would do that for me? Why?” I couldn’t understand why he would be so nice to me.

“Gotta help a beautiful lady in distress. Isn’t that part of the knight’s code, or something like that?” he chuckled and downed his drink.

I did the same and ordered two more, “I can’t…”

He placed a hand on top of mine, “I’m not expecting anything from you, Alex. Let’s just be friends. Besides, you have a killer singing voice. You come out and sing with me some time and we’ll call it even.”

“Okay.”

We spent the next couple of hours talking and drinking. It was too bad I was hung up on Misha and Jensen because he was actually a really great guy. By the time the rest of the cast and crew arrived, I was already pretty plastered. Lucky for me, I don’t slur my words when I get drunk, it’s more like I lose any and all filter.

Misha came over to us and stood next to me, “Are you okay, Alex?”

“Am I okay?” I looked at Sam and we both laughed, “I’ve never been better, Misha. I’m fucking a gorgeous guy with a huge cock and I’m an actress on a famous television show. What do I have to complain about?”

Misha’s face turned red as he looked around to see if anyone had heard me, “Hey, I know that you’re hurting and everything, but please don’t go spreading that around.”

“Ahh, I see how it is. You just want to fuck me, not claim me in public.” I stood and swayed, but managed not to fall. I poked him in the chest with a finger, “You’re just like Jensen. Leading me on, making me feel things that I shouldn’t.”

A throat cleared and I looked up to see Jared standing behind Misha, “Alex.” He spoke softly, “You should know, Danneel is coming tonight. She showed up shortly after you left, surprising Jensen at work.”

“Of course she did.” I threw my hands up in the air before reaching for my glass on the bar, downing it. “Well, she’ll get to hear my song too.”

I grabbed Sam’s hand. “Come on, handsome. Let’s do this.”

I dragged him to the stage, past Eric who looked at me like I was possessed. Jensen gave me a pained look before he turned to Danneel and gave her a kiss, whispering something in her ear that had her laughing. I could feel tears threatening to start again.

Sam stopped me before we got to the stage, grabbing my shoulders and holding me steady, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes,” I said softly. “I need to do this.”

We climbed on stage and everyone in the room quieted down. When I swayed, someone brought up a stool and helped me sit on it. “Evening everyone. I hope everyone is enjoying their Friday night, I know I am.” I held up my glass and the bar cheered. “Sam is back to help me sing again. But we’re not doing a song I wrote tonight. This one is by Sugarland, I hope y’all like it.” I tossed back the drink as Sam began to play.

_ I've been sittin' here, starin' at the clock on the wall _ __   
_ And I've been layin' here, prayin' _ __   
_ Prayin' she won't call _ __   
_ It's just another call from home, and you'll get it _ _   
_ __ And be gone, and I'll be cryin'

_ And I'll be beggin' you, baby _ __   
_ Beg you not to leave _ __   
_ But I'll be left here waitin' _ __   
_ My heart on my sleeve _ __   
_ Oh, for the next time we'll be here _ _   
_ __ Seems like a million years, and I think I'm dyin'

_ What do I have to do to make you see _ _   
_ _ She can't love you like me? _

_ Why don't you stay? _ __   
_ I'm down on my knees _ __   
_ I'm so tired of bein' lonely _ __   
_ Don't I give you what you need? _ __   
_ When she calls you to go _ __   
_ There is one thing you should know _ __   
_ We don't have to live this way _ _   
_ __ Baby, why don't you stay?

By this point, the tears were falling and I couldn’t stop them if I tried. Misha was looking at me as if he just realized how much I was hurting. Jared was whispering in Gen’s ear and she gave me this look of pity that just about broke my heart. Jensen was, well he knew exactly why I was doing this. I could tell that from where I was sitting. Luckily, Danneel just looked sad at the song. I mean, it is a pretty depressing song. She was mouthing the words along with me.

_ You keep tellin' me, baby _ __   
_ There will come a time _ __   
_ When you will leave her arms _ __   
_ And forever be in mine _ __   
_ But I don't think that's the truth _ _   
_ __ And I don't like bein' used, and I'm tired of waitin'

_ It's too much pain to have to bear _ _   
_ _ To love a man you have to share _

_ Why don't you stay? _ __   
_ I'm down on my knees _ __   
_ I'm so tired of bein' lonely _ __   
_ Don't I give you what you need? _ __   
_ When she calls you to go _ __   
_ There is one thing you should know _ __   
_ We don't have to live this way _ _   
_ __ Baby, why don't you stay?

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the sympathetic looks I was getting from the cast. None of them, other than the three boys, knew what I was going through. I’m guessing they just assumed it was some random guy. With my eyes closed, I could pretend that it was just me and Sam, no one else.

_ I can't take it any longer, but my will is gettin' stronger _ __   
_ And I think I know just what I have to do _ __   
_ I can't waste another minute _ __   
_ After all that I've put in it _ __   
_ I've given you my best _ _   
_ __ Why does she get the best of you?

_ So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine _

_ Why don't you stay? _ __   
_ I'm up off my knees _ __   
_ I'm so tired of bein' lonely _ __   
_ You can't give me what I need _ __   
_ When she begs you not to go _ __   
_ There is one thing you should know _ _   
_ __ I don't have to live this way

_ Baby, why don't you stay? _

When I finished, the bar was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I opened my eyes and saw everyone staring at me. I turned to Sam and mouthed ‘thank you’ before leaving the stage. As I passed by the group, I was shocked when Danneel stopped me and pulled me into a hug.

“You poor girl,” she said softly, her voice full of compassion. “Whoever hurt you like that is a jackass.”

Jensen coughed and I couldn’t help but glance over Danneel’s shoulder at him. “No, he’s not. He’s an awesome guy, I’m the one who fucked up by falling for a guy I couldn’t have.”

Jensen’s eyes widened at my words so I pulled back from his girlfriend and looked at her instead, “I made a mistake. It wasn’t something I intended to do, but I couldn’t help it. But as much as I would love to be with him, he has a girl that is a thousand times better than I could ever be.”

“Don’t say that about yourself, Alex,” she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “The way Jensen talks about you, you’re worth a lot more than that. Maybe this guy is going to leave the girl he’s with to be with you. You never know.”

Jared and Misha were standing behind Jensen and they looked shocked at her words. Danni didn’t know that I was talking about her boyfriend, otherwise, she wouldn’t have said those things. Honestly, I was glad she didn’t know. “Thanks, Danneel. You’re sweet. Jensen is lucky to have you.”

She turned and cuddled against her lover, “I’m the lucky one.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I’ve known him for years. I can’t tell you how happy I am to finally have him all to myself.”

I choked back a sob, “I have to go.”

I ran out the door to the bar, stopping once I got outside. The tears rolled down my cheeks as a pair of strong arms encircled me from behind. I used what Ryan had taught me and fought back, stopping only when I saw Jensen standing there. He looked like he had tears in his eyes too.

Jensen reached out for me, but I stepped out of reach, “Alex.”

“No, you don’t get to do this, Jensen. You have the perfect girl inside, and it’s not me. Go back to her. You love her.”

“But I love you too.”

“No,” I put my hands over my ears as if I could pretend he had never said that. “You don’t know me. You’ve known her for years, you’ve loved her for years. Go back to your girlfriend.”

“I don’t want to lose you, Alex,” he said sadly. “I care about you too much.”

I swiped at the tears still streaming down my cheeks, “Maybe one day we can be friends, but I won’t be the reason that her heart is broken. I won’t do it.” Turning away, I said the only thing I could think to make him leave, even if it was a lie, “I can’t love you like she does. Please, just go.”

His hand touched my shoulder and then he was gone. Another arm came around me and I didn’t struggle this time, recognizing the scent as Misha. He led me to his car, “Come on, let’s get you back to the hotel.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I feel like this is getting really angsty, and I'm sorry. I hope it's not too much. Also, if the story makes the writer cry, is that a good thing? The last chapter definitely had me crying.

I spent the weekend alone. Misha tried to comfort me, but I felt like someone had died. He left to go visit Vicki and tried to get me to go with. As much as I wanted to spend time with Vicki, I just wanted to wallow in my own misery for a bit without anyone trying to cheer me up.

The weekend gave me time to reflect on what happened, enough so that I felt awful for what I had done. Who was I to say those things to Jensen? Had I really ever thought I could have a chance with him? The truth is, even though I knew deep down that he would never leave Danneel, part of me had hoped that he would show up at the hotel, professing his undying love. But that didn’t happen.

By the end of my two days in bed without eating or showering, I was done with moping. It didn’t lessen the pain any but I had decided I wasn’t going to allow this to destroy me. Misha came by to see how I was and I did my best to reassure him I would be fine. We stayed in our own rooms that night because I didn’t feel I deserved to be comforted, especially with how bad I had treated Misha. Being drunk isn’t an excuse either. I fucked up by blabbing about our sexual relationship at the bar and I needed to fix it before I would feel comfortable returning to it.

Monday had me at the studio at six. I wasn’t avoiding Misha, I just couldn’t sleep. When I woke at five, instead of trying to go back to sleep and end up cranky, I decided to go to the workout room and burn off my anxiety-fueled energy.

Ryan arrived just before seven and saw me running on the treadmill. I was pushing it hard as I could, so he came over and lowered the speed, waiting until my breath evened out before speaking, “So, you doing alright?” I gave him a look and he grimaced, “Sorry, one of the crew sent me a text, saying I would probably need to take it easy on you this morning. I don’t know what happened, just that you were really upset.”

I jumped off the treadmill and went over to the mats, “Ryan, I love you like a brother, but I can’t talk about this with you. I need to kick the shit out of something, so don’t go easy on me.” My eyes pleaded with him to understand, “I just need to get the anger out. Violence is the only way I know to do that.”

“Alright, but if it gets to be too much…”

“I’ll let you know.”

We spend the next hour sparring. There was no training, no teaching, no work-related things. We just fought. Ryan was good on his word, he didn’t go easy on me. Now, he didn’t hit me hard, at least not on purpose. But he took me down several times a lot harder than he had previously. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to be sore for days after this.

When our hour was up, we were both lying on the mats breathing heavily. Ryan pushed off the ground and helped me stand up. As I was stretched, Jared came up to me, “How are you?”

“I’ve been better. Had a killer hangover Saturday. Too bad I still remember everything.”

His eyes were full of pity, “I’m sorry.”

“What for? It’s not like you did anything.”

“None of us realized how you really felt. We thought it was just a schoolgirl crush.” He grimaced, “Jay and I talked after. I have to admit, I didn’t see his feelings for you either.”

“I don’t know what to say,” I was desperately trying to keep my voice even and my face emotionless.

“Fuck,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. Jensen wanted me to come over and ask if you’d be willing to talk with him. He wasn’t sure how you would react if he just came over himself.”

I laughed bitterly, “He would be right about that. But fine, go tell him I’ll listen to what he has to say.”

A few minutes later, Jensen came up to me, head lowered and hands in his pockets. I didn’t want to feel bad for him, but he looked so miserable. He looked up at me and I saw his red-rimmed eyes that only made the green more prevalent, “Alex, thanks for talking to me.”

I shrugged, trying to maintain composure, “We have to work together. I can’t just ignore you forever unless I don’t want to work on the show anymore.”

“I just want to say that I’m sorry. It’s not fair to you or…” he trailed off and I knew he was avoiding saying her name. “I love her. I’ve loved her for years. But then you came along and shook up my world.”

“Jensen, don’t,” my voice cracked.

“Just let me get this out,” a hand moved to his neck as he looked back at the ground. “I fell for you too. Quicker than I did with...her. But you were right, it’s not fair to either of you to keep this up.” When his eyes met mine, I could see the tears that threatened to spill, “I can’t be what you need, what I want you to have. But I can’t lose you either. I need you in my life, Alex. Even if it’s just as a friend. Please tell me that I didn’t fuck this up so bad we can’t be friends.”

My eyes closed and I crossed my arms so I was hugging my torso. I wanted nothing more than to tell him he would never lose me. That we could be friends and I would be fine. It seemed like only a few seconds, but it must have been longer because he whispered my name. My eyes popped open and when I saw the fear in his eyes, I made my decision. “Jensen, you’re going to have to give me a little space for a while. My heart hurts when I look at you.” His face fell and I reached out to him, stopping before I touched him, “I don’t want to lose you either. I might take some time, but I would really like to be friends with you.”

“Really?” his eyes were full of hope.

“Yes.” As I spoke, he stepped forward and pulled me into a tight hug. He held on for a little too long before pulling away. It looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. I took a step back, “I’ll see you on set,” and ran off to the locker room.

After my shower, I wandered around the set until I found Misha. I walked up to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the dressing room. No one was there, so I could speak to him openly. I took a deep breath, “I’m sorry.”

He looked confused, “What for?”

“Friday night. I fucked up. I shouldn’t have said what I did, saying that you and I were having sex.”

Misha laughed, “Is that it? I’m not upset about that.” He stopped and had a thoughtful look, “Okay, I was a little upset. But the only people who heard were Sam and Jared. I don’t really care if Sam knows, because I don’t know him. I talked with Jared, explained about my marriage and how our thing is just sex. He thought it was a little weird, but he’s not going to say anything either. The only reason I was upset when you said it, is because most people won’t understand. I’m not mad at you for wanting to be out in public with me. I want that too. It’s just that this is not the right decade to do this. People won’t understand and I don’t want them to call you a homewrecker.”

I leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss, “You are too good to me, Misha. I don’t deserve that.”

“Yes, you do. You deserve more actually. You deserve to find happiness with someone for whom you will be their whole world. I’m just sad that I can’t be that person for you.” He caressed the side of my face and kissed me again, “I care about you a lot. I could even come to love you, and if you wanted to be mine and Vicki’s third permanently, I would die a happy man. But I know that isn’t what you want.”

“I wish it was, life would be easier.” One of the wardrobe people came in so we pulled apart, “I’m going to get ready for the shoot now.”

The rest of the day went really well after talking with Jensen and Misha. The crew walked on eggshells around me for a while, but once I convinced them I was fine, they treated me like nothing had happened. Like I hadn’t had a breakdown on set. We even managed to get the final take of the scene done.

That night, I brought Misha into my room and laid him on the bed, riding him until we both came. The rest of the night was spent in his arms. We didn’t talk, just laid there enjoying the feeling of each other’s bodies.


	13. Chapter 13

Over the next few weeks, I met up with Sam quite often to sing with him and write music. We had become pretty good friends, and he never came onto me, respecting my boundaries. We were planning on playing a few of the songs we wrote on my birthday, which also happened to fall on open mic night.

I told the guys and crew about my singing with Sam, but not that it was my 24th birthday. I didn’t want anyone to make a big deal about it. The only person who knew was Sam, and that was because I knew he wouldn’t push me to be celebratory. I’m not sure why I didn’t tell Misha, especially since we spent more nights together than apart. Maybe it was just because of our relationship, I didn’t want to push him to do something for me when he wasn’t obligated.

Sam and I were off to the side of the bar chatting when everyone started to arrive. I whispered to him, “I’ll be right back.” Pretty much everyone had shown up. “Hey guys, thanks for coming.”

“We couldn’t miss your original song debut,” Misha put his arm around me. “Jensen and Jared are going to live stream it.” He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “We are all proud of you. We want to show you off to the fan base.”

“If you really don’t want us to, we won’t,” Jared smiled.

“No, it’s alright. I’m not going to embarrass myself tonight like last time. The song I’m singing is actual more hopeful.” I looked over at Jensen and saw him glance away, “I’m really glad you guys showed up tonight. Now, I’m gonna go back to Sam. We’re up soon.”

We took the stage and I saw Jensen talking to the camera on his phone before turning it to me. I took a deep breath, “Hello, everyone. I hope y’all are having a good Friday night. So, before Sam and I get started tonight, I just wanted to say thanks for putting up with me last time. I had a little bit of a heartbreak, and for some reason thought that drinking and then singing was a good idea.”

The crowd chuckled, “Last time I was singing about losing the one I loved, using a song by Sugarland. This time, Sam and I wrote a song that is more hopeful. It’s about finding love.”

Sam started playing and I closed my eyes for a second before looking out at my friends.

_ I'm not surprised _ __   
_ Not everything lasts _ __   
_ I've broken my heart so many times I've stopped keepin' track. _ __   
_ Talk myself in _ __   
_ I talk myself out _ _   
_ __ I get all worked up than I let myself down.

_ I tried so very hard not to lose it _ __   
_ I came up with a million excuses _ _   
_ __ I thought I thought of every possibility

_ And I know someday that it'll all turn up _ __   
_ You'll make me work so we can work to work it out _ __   
_ And I promise you kid that I'll give so much more than I get yeah _ _   
_ __ I just haven't met you yet. Oh bop bop bop...

_ Oh I might have to wait _ __   
_ I'll never give up _ __   
_ I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck _ __   
_ Wherever you are _ __   
_ Whenever it's right _ __   
_ You'll come out of nowhere and into my life _ __   
_ And I know that we can be so amazing _ __   
_ And baby your love is gonna change me _ _   
_ __ And now I can see every possibility mmm

_ And somehow I know that it'll all turn up _ __   
_ And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out _ __   
_ And I promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get m-m _ _   
_ __ I just haven't met you yet

_ They say all's fair _ __   
_ In love and war _ __   
_ But I won't need to fight it _ __   
_ We'll get it right it _ _   
_ __ We'll be united

_ And I know that we can be so amazing _ __   
_ And being in your life is gonna change me _ _   
_ __ And now I can see every single possibility mmm

_ And someday I know it'll all turn up _ __   
_ And I work to work it out _ __   
_ Promise you kid, I get more than I get _ _   
_ __ Than I get than I get than I get

_ Oh you know that will all turn out _ __   
_ And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out _ __   
_ And I promise you kid, to give so much more than I get _ _   
_ __ Yeah I just haven't met you yet

_ Oh I just haven't met you yet _ __   
_ Oh I promise you kid _ __   
_ To give so much more than I get _ __   
_ (I said love, love, love, love) _ __   
_ (love, love, love, love) _ __   
_ I just haven't met you yet (love, love, love, love) _ __   
_ So doy day ay ay ay, ay ay yeah (love, love, love, love) _ _   
_ __ I just haven't met you yet

As I finished, everyone started clapping. Sam was sitting behind me, so I pulled him up next to me and we bowed. The boys were cheering for us and then Jensen turned the phone back to him to say something to the camera. We got off the stage and walked over to the group.

I went and stood next to Jensen, close enough that the fans could see me on camera, “Thanks for watching everyone, I hope you liked it.” I pulled Sam over so the camera could pick him up, “This is Sam, he’s pretty awesome. Give him lots of love.”

The chats that were coming in were really supportive. Talking about how much they loved the song. That they wanted to hear it at karaoke. The chats that made me happiest were the ones that talked about how hot Sam was and how good he was at guitar. It made me happy that the fans were being so nice.

Since we were at the bar, we didn’t talk on the stream for very long. Jensen was being a little touchy-feely. He kept putting a hand on my back every time he was near me, trailing his fingers up and down my spine. We hadn’t been this close in two months since the incident, and I wasn’t sure what was happening.

I think Misha could tell that I was getting uncomfortable and confused, because he pulled me away and took me up to the bar, ordering me a whiskey. “You okay?”

“How do I get him to stop? I mean, I like him touching me, but we had talked about this. We’re just supposed to be friends.”

Misha gave me a look, “I think he is just being friends, Alex. I’ve seen him do the same thing to Gen. And I know you see how close him and Jared are.”

“But the difference here is that there is attraction between us.” I laid my head on the bar, “I’m just confused. I thought I had buried my feelings for him deep enough that we could just be friends.”

Misha turned me and pulled me into his arms, “You guys are friends. He’s a touchy person, Alex. He even does the same stuff with me. I mean, not the same, but he does tend to be the kind of person who touches those that he cares about.”

“I get that, I do. It just makes my body respond, and confuses my heart.”

“It’ll be alright.” He kissed the top of my head, “If it really bothers you that much, just tell him to stop.”

“No, I can’t do that. We’ve just established a fragile friendship. I don’t want to mess that up by being crazy.” I pulled away and took a deep breath, “I’m just going to go back over there and deal with it. Maybe if I pretend it’s not happening that will help.”

I went back over, with Misha following later with a tray of drinks for everyone. We all took the shot he had bought and downed them together. When we sat down, I had Jensen on one side of me pressed tight to my body and Misha on the other, doing the same thing. My every nerve ending was on fire, being stuck between these two gorgeous guys. Luckily, no one was talking to me, so I didn’t have to try and form sentences.

Jensen leaned back and put his arm around me, his hand on my waist lightly caressing me. I moaned softly and his hand stilled, before moving lower to my hip. I could feel my insides clenching with need and I had to bite back another moan. I leaned against him and lifted my face up so my lips were against his neck. I whispered softly, “What are you doing, Jensen?”

“What?” he looked down at me and his mouth was perilously close to mine. “I’m just sitting here with a friend?” His expression was trying to convey innocence, but I could see the cocky grin beneath it.

“This isn’t friend behavior, Jensen.”

He moved his fingers on my hip, moving them up and down, closer to the crevice of my thighs. I couldn’t help but spread them, giving him more access. But at the same time, I glared at him, “You’re sending me mixed signals here. We’re supposed to be friends only, Jensen. This is something you should only be doing with Danneel.”

His fingers stilled and moved away. I let out a sigh of both relief and sadness. Jensen pulled his arm from behind me and stood up, trying to adjust himself so he wasn’t too obviously aroused. I stood too, standing in front of him to help him hide it. “Come on, let’s get a drink.”

We went over to the bar and sat down on the bar stools. I turned back to him, “So, what’s going on Jensen? We’ve been so good the past couple months. I was starting to feel like we were going to be able to be friends. Then you had to go and be all...handsy with me.”

He sighed, “I’m sorry, Alex. Danni’s been a little distant lately and I’m horny. I can’t help the fact that I’m fucking attracted to you. Being friends with you doesn’t stop that.”

“It’s okay,” I placed a hand on his back for a second. “I get it. Maybe you should call her, try phone sex or something.” I had an idea, “Oooh, you could do Skype sex. I think that would be hotter than sin. Watching you...I mean, watching my boyfriend jack off while I got myself off. Goddamn.” I was making myself hornier, but at least I knew I could have Misha at the end of the night.

“She doesn’t like to do either of those things.”

“Well, fuck. Maybe you should just fly her up here then. Or better yet, fly down and surprise her. I know if someone did that for me, I would be over the moon.”

“That’s not a bad idea. Thanks, Alex.” Jensen stood and placed a kiss on top of my head, “You are a really good friend you know. Anyone else would have punched me for getting fresh with them.”

“Yeah, well. I was close to doing that. Or something else that would have ruined everything.” I raised my eyebrows, “Now, go find a flight to go see Danneel. I expect you to come back fully fucked so we can go back to being normal friends.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He gave me a grateful smile and left the bar, stopping to say goodbye to the guys before leaving.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made some updates to the story. There is no reason to go back and read them, it was just a few grammatical errors I noticed, I changed it from Jared calling Jensen Jen to him calling him Jay because Jen and Gen would get confusing (to me), and I changed Joe's name to Sam Hunt (country music star) to make him more recognizable. Also, in 2008 (when this part of the story was written) he wasn't famous yet.  
> Also, I know that the last chapter said 14 before, but that was because somehow I had a duplicated chapter that wasn't posted. This is actually chapter 14.

When Jensen had left the bar, I went back to the group and faked a yawn, “I’m going to head back guys, I’m a little tired.” I gave Sam a hug, “Thanks for writing that with me.”

“No problem, darling,” he stood, “I’ll walk you out.”

Once we were outside, he turned to me, his face serious, “What’s going on? I saw what happened last time, Alex. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“I’m okay.” He looked at me in disbelief, “Really, I’m not upset. Horny and confused, definitely. I mean, maybe I am just a little bit upset. I thought we were in a good place, then he had to go and do that. Did everyone see what he was doing?”

“I noticed, and I’m pretty sure Misha did too. He didn’t seem very happy about it either. I honestly don’t think anyone else noticed. I only did because I’ve gotten to know you, and you are usually more talkative. When I realized how quiet you were being…” he trailed off.

“Fuck,” I felt my face flush. “Well, I really hope no one else noticed. As much as it could hurt me, I don’t want to fuck anything up for Jensen.”

“He’s the one who would be fucking things up, not you.”

“Sam,” I was irritated, even if it was the truth.

“No, Alex. You know I’m right. He has a girlfriend. You spent more than one night with me, crying over him. Crying over the fact that he chose Danneel over you.” He grabbed my hands, “You’re my friend, that’s why I’m telling you this. You need to find someone attainable. Not someone who is married or has a serious girlfriend.”

“Who should I date then, you?” The moment the words left my mouth, I felt like shit. “I’m sorry, Sam. That was uncalled for.”

He smiled, but I could tell he was a little hurt, “Alex, I like you. If you liked me that way, I would be a happy man. But no one wants to be with someone who doesn’t truly want them. So no, I wasn’t trying to say you should date me. I just think you would be happier with someone you could form a meaningful attachment with.”

He pulled me into his arms and I let my head rest against his chest, “I wish I like you like that. Life would be easier.”

“I know.” He kissed the top of my head, “Now get going, I’ll go back inside so your lover doesn’t get jealous.”

Back at the hotel, I took off my clothes, lying on the bed to wait for Misha. I waited for about thirty minutes and heard his door open. When the connecting door didn’t open as well, I got off the bed and went over to it. Pushing the door open, I saw Misha taking off his shirt. I walked behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my breasts against his naked back.

When one of my hands drifted down to stroke his cock, he stopped me, “I won’t be a replacement for Jensen.”

“What,” my voice broke. “What do you mean?”

He turned around and gripped my wrists with his hands. Not tight enough to leave bruises, but tight enough so I couldn’t move. “Can you honestly tell me that you wouldn’t rather have him here right now?” His hand moved to cup my breast, thumb rubbing my nipple, “That you wouldn’t rather he was touching you.”

Misha stepped back, releasing me, “I saw him touch you tonight, and I saw you react. I love being with you, but I’m not going to be a stand-in for the man you really want in your bed.”

“Misha,” I reached out to him.

“No,” he turned back to the bed. “Just go.”

I went back to my room, closing the door softly behind me. Now my thing with Jensen was going to screw up my relationship with Misha. I didn’t know what to do. My heart and body were being pulled in two different directions, by two very different guys. I send a text to Vicki.

**ME: I think I fucked up.**

**_VICKI: Why? What happened?_ **

**ME: I think I hurt Misha. I didn’t mean to, it just happened.**

**_VICKI: Hold on, let me talk to him._ **

I heard his phone ring and him talking to her. He sounded agitated, but never raised his voice. Their conversation lasted for several minutes before she texted me again.

**_VICKI: Do you understand why he’s hurt?_ **

**ME: He thinks I’m using him since I can’t have Jensen.**

**_VICKI: And are you?_ **

**ME: NO!!!**

**_VICKI: He knows you can’t help who you are attracted to, nor who you have feelings for. I think he’s more upset that he knows he can never be what you really want._ **

**ME: He’s not a replacement for Jensen.**

**_VICKI: But he’s also not the only one in your heart._ **

**ME: To be fair, I’m not the only one in his either. And Misha is the only one in my bed.**

**_VICKI: Would you rather have Jense there right now?_ **

That was a tough question. One I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer. The answer wasn’t a simple yes or no, and the one thing I didn’t want to do was hurt Misha more.

**_VICKI: I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair._ **

**ME: First let me ask you something, but don’t get mad.**

**_VICKI: Okay._ **

**ME: If you were to ask Misha the same question if he would rather have you here, what would he say?**

**ME: And I know that’s not fair because you guys are married and in love, while I’m just in love with a guy that I can’t have.**

**_You’re right, that wasn’t fair, but I understand. What you need to realize is that Misha cares for you, more than you probably realize. Yes, he would love if I were there with him. But that doesn’t make your time with him any less real, or special._ **

**ME: I feel the same way. Jensen is the fantasy I can’t have. Would I love spending a night with him? Yes. But when I’m with Misha, I’m with him, not Jensen. It’s his bed I’m touching. It’s him that makes me scream when I come. Not Jensen.**

Vicki was quiet for a few minutes again. This time, I got a text from Misha.

**_MISHA: Do you mean that?_ **

**ME: What?**

**_MISHA: Don’t be obstinant ;)_ **

**ME: Yes, Misha. You are not a substitute for Jensen. I can’t help who I have feelings for. Feelings aren’t rational, otherwise, I would be with Sam. When I’m with you, you are the only one that I’m thinking about. You are the one that has me screaming. I scream your name, not his.**

The door opened and Misha entered wearing on his boxers. He gave me a cocky smile, “I make you scream, do I?” I spread my legs and moaned when he pushed them further apart with his hands. 

His face lowered to my pussy, and he blew on my clit, “Misha.” I moaned again as his tongue flicked out and ran up my slit to my clit before his lips latched on and he sucked. Hips bucking, I cried out, “Goddammit, Misha.”

Two fingers slid into my wet pussy and Misha raised his face to look at me. His fingers curled until he was touching the sweet spot, rubbing it gently, “You know, you’ve been a bad girl. Maybe I should just use you and get myself off. Leave you wanting.”

“Please, Misha. I need to come.” I wiggled my hips, trying to get him to move his fingers faster.

His hand disappeared from inside me. “What do you call me?” his voice sounded so commanding, I felt myself growing wetter.

“Sir, please, may I come?” I gave him my best innocent expression.

“Turn over,” he growled. I flipped onto all fours and arched my back, looking over my shoulder at him. His expression grew dark as he looked at me, “Fucking hell, Alex. You look so good.”

He pushed down his boxers and knelt behind me. One of his hands came down and cracked against my ass. I gasped at the pain. Before I had a chance to recover, he slapped the other side of my ass. When he slapped me again, this time I moaned and my face fell against the bed. His cock lined up at my entrance and he pushed in just a little bit. I tried to push back, but he slapped me again, “Don’t fucking move.”

“Yes, sir.” At that, he pushed all the way in and started fucking me hard. I moaned and tried to hold myself still.

He slapped my ass again and I clenched down on his cock. He groaned and shoved into me hard, “Fuck.” He started fucking me faster, “Play with your clit, Alex. I want you to come with me.”

I did as he said, reaching a hand up to rub my clit in time with his fucking me. It didn’t take long and I was almost there, “May I come? Please, Misha, can I come?”

He groaned, “Yes, fucking come with me.” He shoved into me as I started to come, screaming his name. He came seconds later.

We both fell onto the bed, him on top of me. As he slid out, he rolled to the side, lying on his back, “Well, it’s confirmed. You do scream my name.”

I pushed up on my arms and glared at him, “Haha, very funny, Misha.”

“Ah, baby girl, you know you love it.” He gave me a kiss on the nose and stood, going into the bathroom and coming back with a wet washcloth. He cleaned us up before tossing the washcloth to the ground and climbing back into bed. Pulling me into his arms, he kissed the top of my head, “I’m sorry I was such an ass.”

“I understand why you were.” I buried my face against his chest, “I would have been upset too if I saw someone hanging all over you.”

Lifting my face up to him, he gave me a soft smile, “No, I had no right to be jealous. You should be looking for someone that you can spend your life with.”

“But I can’t have...him.” I didn’t say Jensen’s name, because I didn’t want to upset him again. “I lo...I care about you a lot, Misha. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

He gave me a knowing look, “I love you too, Alex. I want you to find someone that you can be with for real out in public. Someone whose hand you can hold. Someone you can share your love of with the world. You shouldn’t have to hide your relationship with someone.”

“Well, until I find that person, I have you.” I gave him a soft kiss, “I love you. It’s different than with...him, but I do love you.”

“Go to sleep, Alex. We have a Saturday shoot tomorrow, so we need to at least get some rest.”

“Yes, sir,” I said cheekily.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after this, there is going to be a bit of jumping around in the story. I'm pretty sure you can tell what the endgame is for Alex, but just in case you can't, I won't spoil it. Right now, it's 2008. From Jan 2009 to June 2016, I'm going to just write up summaries of what happens during those years. There might be a bit of storytelling in there, but not a lot. I just realized that if I write everything out, it's going to get long and boring very quickly. Around June 2016 is when the endgame will start happening, and there will be more story.

****

The next couple of weeks went by with a blur. Jensen had come back from his weekend with Danneel, relaxed and acting more normal, less horny. It made me a little sad, but since I was the one who sent him to her, I couldn’t be too upset.

When we broke for Christmas break, I packed up all my stuff and drove back to Washington. My contract had been extended for the rest of the season because of fan support, but I still didn’t know what would happen for season five. So I was taking my excess stuff to leave at my mother’s, probably what I should have done in the first place as I never opened the boxes.

Christmas came and went. I sent texts to the boys, wishing them happy holidays. Everyone was very normal and friendly. Even Danneel had sent me a text telling me that she hoped I enjoyed my Christmas. New Year's Eve, I got a text from Jensen.

**_JENSEN: Hey beautiful. I miss you._ **

**ME: I think you have the wrong person.**

**_JENSEN: No, I don’t. I miss you, Alex._ **

**ME: You can’t say stuff like that.**

**_JENSEN: Why not? It’s true. I miss you so fucking much, every day we are apart._ **

**ME: You have Danneel. How would she feel about you texting me?**

**_JENSEN: She wouldn’t care._ **

**ME: That’s because she thinks we’re just friends.**

**_JENSEN: But we are friends, aren’t we._ **

**ME: Fuck, Jensen.**

**ME: You know we are. But do you text Jared and tell him how much you miss him? We both know that this isn’t coming from a purely platonic place.**

My phone rang and I picked up, “Jensen, we can’t do this.”

When he spoke, I could tell he’d been drinking, “Alex, how do I make this right? How do I sleep with her at night when I’m thinking of you?”

Worried I sent a text to Jared.

**ME: You live close to Jensen, right?**

**_JARED: Yes, why?_ **

**ME: I have him on the phone and he’s...saying things he shouldn’t. I need you to help remind him why he’s with Danneel.**

My voice came out soft, “Why are you doing this now, Jensen? You love her, don’t you?”

“Yes, but…”

“No buts. You love her. She’s the one you should be with.” I had to choke back a sob so he wouldn’t hear it. “I need you to be happy, Jensen. I need you to realize that she is your happily ever after. Please don’t make me the bad guy.”

**_JARED: I’m here. Thanks for letting me know._ **

“But I love you too,” Jensen’s voice was soft and sad. I heard the doorbell ring, “Jared?”

Jared must have taken the phone from him, because he said, “I’m sorry, Alex.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just try to remind your best friend that he chose Danneel.” I hung up and started to cry. My meltdown was interrupted by another text.

**_VICKI: How would you like to come over for a small New Years party?_ **

**ME: I’m not sure I would be good company right now. I would probably just bring down the mood.**

The phone rang and I answered. Vicki’s voice was worried, “What’s wrong, sweetie? You know you can tell me anything.”

“I just got off the phone with Jensen. He was drunk and saying things,” I hiccuped a sob.

“Oh, Alex.”

“How long does this pain last? How long does it take to get over love?” My voice broke, “If I could just get over him...Maybe I should quit Supernatural.”

“Now,” her voice was definitive. “You make the show better. I know you’ve seen how the fans reacted to Eva and Cas being on the show. They love you.”

“It hurts, Vicki.”

“I know, love. I know.” She took a deep breath, “Come over. Don’t spend New Year's Eve alone. We want you here. We love you.”

“Alright,” I said softly.

“Good, we’ll see you in a couple of hours. And Alex, you deserve so much better than to be someone's dirty little secret. You deserve someone who will love you unquestioningly, without someone else there to complicate things.”

After she hung up, I wiped at my eyes. If I was going to spend time with Misha and Vicki, I didn’t want to be all pathetic and weepy. However, I wasn’t going to try and get all dolled up either. As much as I loved both of them, I wasn’t feeling up to being sexy tonight. I just threw on a pair of leggings and a flowy shirt. I didn’t bother putting on underwear or a bra though. The nicest part about being on Supernatural was Ryan. I had lost twenty pounds since starting the show, so my boobs had shrunk enough that I could go braless if I wanted.

When I got to their house, they pulled me inside and into a warm hug between both of them. I started crying again, their comfort making me lose control of my emotions. Misha pulled me to the couch and onto his lap. He rubbed my back as Vicki ran a hand up and down my calf. “Tell me what happened, baby girl,” Misha’s voice was soft and gentle.

“Jensen called me. Telling me how he thinks of me when he’s with Danneel. How he loves me.” I sobbed, “Why can’t he just realize how fucking much this hurts me every time he does this? How did I fall in love with a guy that I can’t have? I’ve known since the beginning that I couldn’t have him. He’s just so fucking perfect for me, except for the fact that he has a girlfriend.”

“Honey,” Vicki stood and leaned over me, brushing my hair out of my face. “I know you love me and Misha, but maybe you need to start dating someone for real. Find someone that you can actually be with. I think that would help a lot.”

“You don’t think I’ve tried?” I climbed off Misha’s lap and started pacing. “I never told either of you, because none of the dates ever made it past date three. Guys suck. There’s a reason I’m 24 and still single. They either just wanted sex, or we so creepy that I couldn’t even let them kiss me.” When Misha gave me a look, I sighed, “I never slept with any of them. I meant what I said before, you are the only one in my bed.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Vicki stood and wrapped her arms around me, forcing me to halt my pacing. “Do you think it’s possible that because you are having sex with Misha, you didn’t give the guys enough of a chance to become something more?”

I thought about it for a minute, trying to figure out what the answer was. “Maybe partly. But honestly, I think it was more the way they treated me than anything. Misha, Jared, and Jensen all treat me like a really good friend. They all respect me, and I can tell they do. Now, I’m not fucking Jared, nor do I want to. But with Misha...damn, Mish, you are fucking awesome at sex. Before you, I had never had an orgasm with a partner. You always make sure that I’m satisfied. That may have ruined me a little bit. But if any of the guys I had dated had treated me with respect, or I had been attracted to them, I would have jumped them in a hot minute. After telling you of course.”

I took a deep breath, “And with Jensen, when he’s not feeling me up, or trying to kiss me, or get in my pants at inappropriate times, he treats me like a damn princess. I just, I feel like the three of you are my best friends. That just makes me love him more. The more time I spend around him, the more I fall for him.” Misha went to speak and I held up a hand, “And I’ve already thought about quitting, but Vicki made me realize how much I love the show. I can’t quit just because I’m in love with the star of the show.”

Misha stood and placed a kiss on my forehead, “Have you heard the phrase, fake it ‘til you make it?” I nodded, “You need to pretend you don’t love him. Maybe that would help you to actually not love him anymore.”

“I’ve tried that Misha, I promise I have.” I pulled away from both of them and wrapped my arms around myself. Going to the back patio doors, I stared out at the trees behind their house, “That is all I do. Pretend that he doesn’t make me feel the way he does. As long as he is being normal, I’m okay. But once he texts or calls, or kisses me in his trailer, it all comes rushing back. Every fucking minuscule amount of feeling floods my entire body, making me practically vibrate with longing.”

Tears running down my cheeks, I turned back to them, “Do you think I should ask him to choose? Should I ask him to choose me?”

Misha came over and wiped the tears as they fell, “Do you really think he would?”

“I don’t know.”

My phone rang and I saw it was Jared, “Hey Jared.”

“Hey, are you alone right now?” he sounded tired.

“No, but I’m just with Misha and Vicki. What’s up?” I tried to sound normal.

“I talked Jensen down. Told him that he couldn’t keep doing this to you and Danneel. I reminded him that he was looking at engagement rings, talking about his marrying her.” He sighed and I could picture him running a hand through his hair, “I helped him sober up a bit and told him he had to choose.”

“He chose her, didn’t he?”

“I’m sorry, Alex.”

“It’s okay, Jared. I was expecting that.” My fingers dug into my palm, creating pain so I didn’t cry while I had him on the phone, “I’ve got to go. Thanks for being there for him. I was really worried.”

“I am really sorry,” his voice came out broken like he had been crying.

“Go home to Gen, Jared. Hold your girlfriend and let her comfort you. I’ve got Misha and Vicki, I’ll be alright.”

I hung up and took a deep breath. Both of them looked at me like I was going to start bawling at any moment. I just smiled tightly, “I’m sorry, guys. I’m really tired, maybe I should go home.”

“No, definitely not. I’m not letting you leave after that,” Vicki grabbed my arm and dragged me back to their room. “Come on, get in bed and we’ll snuggle. Tomorrow morning, everything will look better, I promise.”


	16. Chapter 16

When I woke up, Misha was pressed against my back and Vicki was curled against my front. They were both still sleeping, but I could feel Misha's erection pressing against my ass. Moaning, I moved my hips, rubbing against him.

I was still in my shirt and leggings, but they were both naked. Vicki's eyes popped open and she smiled, "Good morning, beautiful." She leaned forward and kissed me, her tongue softly entering my mouth.

When a hand gripped my hip, I could tell Misha was awake. He thrust against my ass and I moaned again, pulling Vicki closer. I kissed her deeply, enjoying the feeling of her lips on mine.

I pulled away from both of them so I could take off my clothes. I tossed them on the floor and pissed Vicki onto her back, lying between her legs so I could kiss her again. Misha laid there, stroking his cock, watching as we kissed.

My mouth moved from her lips to her neck, where I rolled the skin in my mouth, sucking hard enough that I knew there would be a mark. One of my hands drifted down her body to between her legs, gently caressing the folds of her pussy. 

She lifted her hips up and moaned, "Fuck, Alex." I laughed as I moved down, nibbling and kissing her breasts, sucking on her nipples. "Stop teasing me," she grabbed my head and tried to push me down.

"Oh, do you want me to lick here?" My tongue caressed her stomach, dipping into her belly button.

"Lower." Her hips undulated as she tried to force my fingers deeper inside her.

I moved down, forcing her legs far apart with my hands. I kissed the insides of her thighs, "Here?"

Misha smacked my ass as he moved behind me, "You know what she wants, Alex. I think you should get very it to her." His fingers dipped between my thighs, "Fucking hell, you're wet."

I spread my legs so he could have better access, "Fuck me, Misha."

He put his cock at my entrance, teasing me by pushing the tip in and then pulling it out, "Don't forget about Vicki."

I leaned forward and licked softly, tracing patterns on her labia. When my tongue hit her clit, she grabbed my hair and pulled me against her harder, "Oh my God. Fuck, make me come, Alex."

I attached my mouth to her clit and started sucking, flicking my tongue as well. As soon as I did that, Misha thrust into me and I screamed into her pussy. Vicki's hips lifted against my face and I sucked harder.

Every time Misha thrust into me, I moaned against Vicki. His fingers gripped my hips tight, pulling me back against him every time he thrust into me. To give Vicki some of what I was feeling, I inserted two fingers, allowing the natural motion of my body as I was being fucked, thrust my fingers in and out fucking her. 

Misha picked up the pace and I knew that he was close. I reached between my legs with my free hand to rub my clit and started humming against Vicki to get her to come with us. “Fuck, Alex, I’m so close,” Vicki moaned. I curled my fingers so they rubbed her g-spot and she started to come. Once Misha heard her coming he thrust into me a couple more times and started coming which prompted my orgasm as well.

We pulled apart and fell onto the bed, breathing hard. As I lay there, I couldn’t help but laugh, “Well, that is a great way to start 2009.”

“I would agree,” Misha gave me a soft kiss before getting up to get a cloth to clean us.

“How are you feeling today?” Vicki laid on her side, propping her head on her hand.

“After that, I feel fabulous,” I gave her a big grin. “As for the other thing, I’m just going to pretend nothing happened.

“I’m not sure that is the best decision, Alex,” her voice was gentle.

“Well, it may not be, but that’s what I’m planning.” I got off the bed and grabbed my clothes from the floor. “I love you guys. Thanks for last night,” I winked, “and this morning. But I need to go home and let my mother know I’m not dead.” I gave Misha a soft kiss as he stood there looking sad, then went over to the bed and gave Vicki a kiss too.

Misha pulled on a pair of sweatpants and walked me to the door, “Alright, baby girl. Just give me a call if you start to feel sad again. I will be there for you, no matter what.”

“I know, Misha. That’s why I love you.”

Back at my mother’s house, I was hiding in my old bedroom when my phone pinged.

**_JENSEN: God, Alex. I always feel like I’m apologizing to you. I’m so fucking sorry for last night. I’m a horrible fucking person. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me._ **

**ME: I don’t hate you, that’s the problem. And you’re not a horrible person. You were drunk and confused.**

**_JENSEN: You know that’s not true._ **

**ME: You’re not still drunk, are you?**

**_JENSEN: No. But I need you to know, I wasn’t confused. I’m not confused. I feel so much for you, Alex. But I know that I can’t keep doing this to you and Danni. It’s not fair, especially to you._ **

**_JENSEN: I’m sorry._ **

**ME: I’m not going to say it’s okay, because it’s not. But I forgive you.**

**_JENSEN: Thanks, Alex. I know I don’t deserve that, especially after what Jared told me._ **

**ME: Look, let’s just stop talking about this and pretend it didn’t happen.**

**_JENSEN: Okay. Happy New Year._ **

**ME: Happy New Year to you too.**

The next few months passed fairly uneventfully. Misha and I kept up our unconventional relationship, with us going to visit Vicki every once in a while when we had a long weekend. Jensen was very good. For a few weeks, he avoided me except when he had to be around me. He didn’t touch me, barely talked to me, and always made sure that there was someone else around when I was nearby.

Since Jensen is a very touchy person, everyone noticed that he was being distant with me. Several of the cast and crew pulled me aside, trying to figure out what was going on. I simply lied, saying we had a fight and were just keeping our distance for a while. Slowly, he started feeling more comfortable around me, but it wasn’t until June that he was back to his normal self.

June 2009 - Chicago Convention

Jared and Jensen were up on stage, answering questions from the fans. Misha had been up earlier and I was waiting on the side of the stage to go up. They had told me to dress casual, so I was wearing a pair of jeans that came to just below my belly button, and a plain blue crop top. I was nervous, this was my first appearance in front of the fans. Jensen was standing laughing at something a fan had said.

After a few more minutes Jared left the stage and Jensen said, “And now, I know you guys have been waiting for this for a while now. Please welcome our newest cast member, Alexandra Clark.”

I jogged up on stage and brought my microphone to my face, “What did I tell you about calling me Alexandra, Jenny?” I raised my eyebrows at him as the crowd laughed.

“Sorry, Alex,” he overplayed his shoulder shrug and smiled. “So, we’ve been getting a lot of requests for you. Everyone really wanted to have you come and answer some questions.”

“Well, I’m glad to be here. Thanks for welcoming us to Chicago. It’s my first time here, so I’m really excited to explore the windy city.” 

We chatted for a couple of minutes while some fans lined up to ask questions. Jensen turned to me, “Left or right?”

“Surprise me,” I gave him a coy smile and the crowd cheered.

The first fan walked up to the microphone, “First, I just want to say that I love you guys.”

“We love you too,” Jensen said, winking at the fan.

“This question is for Alex. We know that this is your first real acting gig. What do you think is the hardest thing about working on Supernatural?”

“Oh God, there is so much I could say.” I laughed, “But no, seriously, the guys have been super supportive of me during this journey. Even though I had no acting experience, they helped me figure out what I needed to do. I’m sure once you guys see the outtakes, you’ll realize how little actual acting experience I had.”

“Guys, don’t listen to a word she says. She’s a natural actor. Any messing up in the outtakes is definitely just me and Jared fucking it up,” Jensen laughed and threw an arm around me.

“But to answer your question, I would say that hardest thing about being on the show is working with so many hot guys. I mean, have you guys seen Jensen, Jared, and Misha?” I stepped back and pointed at Jensen, “I mean, hot damn,” I fanned my face, “they are like walking sex.”

The next fan came up and asked, “We noticed that there’s some sexual tension between Evangeline and Dean in the show. Is that on purpose, and are we going to see them together eventually?”

“Umm,” I turned to look at Jensen. “Sorry guys, I’m still new at this. Jensen should take this question because I’m not sure how much I’m allowed to say.”

He gave me a look, “You know they’re going to take that as a yes, don’t you?”

I shrugged, “Oopsie. Please don’t fire me, Eric.” The crowd laughed again.

Jensen smiled, “But yes, it is on purpose. I mean, have you seen her, she’s gorgeous. There is no way Dean could be around her for any length of time without wanting to...you know. But as for where it’s going, Eva is an angel, she probably just thinks that Dean is a horndog who is attracted to anything that moves. The writers will let us know where they want it to go.”

The fans kept asking questions, alternating between me and Jensen. After a while, I was actually starting to feel like I was getting the hang of it. We were running out of time, based on our assistants who kept giving us pointed looks, so I said, “Alright, we’ll take one more question, then we have to run.”

“This question is for you Alex. You look like you’ve lost a lot of weight. I know for someone like myself, it was nice seeing representation of different sizes of women. Were you forced into losing weight?”

“First, let me just say, I agree. It is nice seeing representation of different size women. And even though I was so uncomfortable in the beginning wearing that skin tight dress. But the boys helped me see that I was beautiful no matter what.” I gave them a serious look, “No one made me lose weight. No one even asked. Honestly, I got in trouble for losing too much weight, especially by the wardrobe department. They had to keep taking the dress in.”

I gestured to my body, “This happened purely by accident. They wanted me to learn to fight. I used to do karate, and our awesome teacher, Ryan, was so good that I fell in love with it. We work out every morning before filming for an hour. That’s how I lost the weight.”

“But you kept your curves,” Jensen said, walking behind me and putting his hands on my hips. “See, curves.”

The crowd cheered and I felt my face flush. “Alright guys, that’s all from us for now. Enjoy talking with Richard and Rob.”

We left the stage and went into the green room. Jared and Misha were in one corner talking, but otherwise, everyone was gone. I think they all took a break for lunch or were maybe on photo duty. I turned to Jensen, “That was a lot of fun. I thought the questions would be more...intimate.”

“The questions are screened, so we don’t have to worry about getting anything too invasive.” He gave me a soft smile and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “You did great out there.” His expression changed suddenly and he backed up, “So, are you looking forward to karaoke later?”

“Maybe,” I cringed. “I’ve never sung in front of this many people before.”

“If I can do it, you can do it.”

Later, we were all drinking as we stood off the stage and listened to Richard give his spiel. He had his band up there to provide backup. We had been drinking for a while, so we were all pretty tipsy. The guys each went up there, one by one, singing classic rock songs that were made popular on the show. After several songs, Richard said something and everyone screamed, then started chanting, “Jolene. Jolene.”

I downed my drink and handed Jensen my glass, “I guess that’s me.” I ran onto the stage and grabbed the microphone from Richard, throwing my hands into the air. “So, I hear you guys like monsters.” The crowd cheered.

“You guys really want to hear Jolene.” They screamed yes, “Well, if it’s okay with Richard.”

“Who am I to argue with the masses. They might riot.” We laughed.

The music started and I got into position at the front of the stage, looking out at everyone standing there watching me.

_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ __   
_ I’m begging of you please don’t take my man _ __   
_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ _   
_ __ Please don’t take him just because you can

_ Your beauty is beyond compare _ __   
_ With flaming locks of auburn hair _ _   
_ __ With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

_ For years our town's been terrorized _ __   
_ By the beast who takes disguise _ _   
_ __ In the shell that calls itself Jolene

This was the first time they had heard the song in its entirety, seeing as the video Eric had taken was only the last part. Most of the audience had the cameras out recording, and I couldn’t help but get into it. When it came time to sing the chorus, I went full out. The crowd seemed to love it. When I got to the last part that had gone viral, everyone started to sing with me.

_ The foolish who came to defend _ __   
_ Their broken minds will never mend _ _   
_ __ They fell at the mere sight of you, Jolene

_ But I’ve seen beyond that auburn hair _ __   
_ My eyes have met your vacant stare _ _   
_ __ And I’ve been told I’m hard to scare, Jolene

_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ __   
_ I’ll end this story just how it began _ __   
_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _ _   
_ __ I’ll take your teeth if you try to take my man

Once I finished, the rest of the cast came up on the stage and Jensen handed me another drink. I took a sip as he spoke, “So, did you guys love that as much as I did?” The crowd cheered even louder. “Well, I know you guys know what’s next.”

The crowd screamed, “Carry on!”

“How did you know?”

“Maybe because we sing it at the end every time,” Richard said, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“I think it’s just that our fans are awesome,” I said. I could tell that I was starting to get drunk, and I turned to Richard. “So, should we start?”

We started to sing and the audience joined us, singing along with it word by word. I knew that the fans loved the show, but I was genuinely surprised that they knew all the words to the song. Most of the fandom is younger than the song itself. Once it was done, we all said goodnight to the fans and left the stage.

Back in the green room, we all had one more drink and then people started trickling out. Either going to their rooms to sleep, or to go hang out somewhere else. Pretty soon, it was just me and Jensen in the green room and we were both drunk.

He walked over to me and trailed his fingers down my cheek. “You did really good today, sweetheart.”

I could feel myself melting at his words and I stepped closer to him until we were only a couple of inches apart. “I’m really happy that Eric kept me around after the first few episodes and has me coming back next season.”

He took the final step towards me, putting his hands on my hips and pulling me against him, “God, I wish I could spend every day with you like this.” His head lowered and he kissed my lips gently, “I really don’t want this weekend to end. I don’t want to go home without you.”

I let myself kiss him again, my hands in his hair pulling his face closer to mine. We kissed like the world was ending, slow and sweet, but incredibly thorough. I could feel him growing hard against me and I pushed him backward until he fell onto a couch. Straddling him, I pressed myself against his hardness and ground my hips into his, moaning.

I kissed him again, harder this time. He went to take off my shirt and I stilled, mid-kiss. I pulled away and he looked at me, “What’s wrong?”

I looked around and sighed in relief, seeing that we were still alone. My head fell to his shoulder and I tried to calm myself down, but it was hard when the very part of me that was dripping at the thought of him was pressed against his hardness. “What are we doing, Jensen?”

“I thought it was obvious what we were doing?” his voice came out hard and biting.

“You know what I mean.” I climbed off his lap and stood a couple of feet away, trying not to stare at the tent in his pants. “Why do you do this every single fucking time I manage to get our relationship back to where it should be?”

He stood and moved closer to me again, pulling me against his body. One of his hands went between my legs, rubbing my clit through my pants. I moaned and couldn’t help but give him more access, “I love you.” He kissed me and started to unbutton my pants, slipping his hand inside so he could slip a finger inside me, “Jesus, you are wet.”

His finger started moving in and out of me and I could feel myself getting close to orgasm. “God, Jensen. I love you too. Fuck.” As another finger joined the first, his thumb started massaging my clit. My head fell forward to his shoulder as I shuddered. I had been wanting this for so long, it didn’t take long before I was coming, “Fuck, Jensen.”

After I finished coming, he pulled his fingers out of me and stuck them in his mouth, licking my juices off. “You taste good too. I can’t wait to taste you for real.”

I backed up and buttoned my pants, “What did we just do?” I could feel tears welling in my eyes, a few of them spilling down my cheeks. “Oh God, I’m a horrible person. I can’t believe I did that.”

“Alex,” he said softly, reaching out to me but I moved further away. “This isn’t your fault.”

“I should have stopped you. I should have done something.” I could feel myself start to panic, but I didn’t know how to stop it. “God, I told you I love you. I can’t believe I’m that awful of a person. What have I done to Danneel?”

“I love you, Alex. And I love Danni.” He looked down at the ground, “I don’t regret what we did. We probably shouldn’t have done it, but I don’t regret it. I love you too fucking much for that.”

“You can’t say that to me.” I turned away from him, not wanting to see the look on his face anymore, “As much as I want you, Jensen, I won’t ask you to chose me. You already chose Danneel, and I won’t be your mistress.”

“I love you.”

“But you love Danneel more.” He didn’t say anything to that and I hiccuped, trying to contain a sob. “I’m going to bed, please, just let me go.”

I walked out of the green room and heard him say softly, “I’m sorry.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm making myself sad as I write this. The only thing keeping me going is knowing how it's going to end, and the fact that the community on AO3 is so supportive.

I went back to my room and let myself cry for the man I loved. It wasn’t fair of me to get mad at just him, I was as much to blame. Part of me wondered what would happen if I went to his room and begged him to choose me. Would he leave Danneel and be with me, or would I be left even more heartbroken? As much as I wanted to do that, I didn’t. They had years of history, I didn’t even have a year of knowing Jensen. My conscience wouldn’t let me ruin their relationship.

How could I make him choose? If he was being truthful with me, he loved both of us. What kind of person did that make me because I wanted him all to myself? The tears kept coming until I was exhausted. As I laid in bed, weary and eyes hurting from all the anguish, I made a decision. I had to try and move on. Misha kept telling me that I deserved to have someone who could be just mine. He was right. It may not be what I wanted, but if I faked it for long enough, maybe it would eventually be true.

**ME: Hey, can you come to my room?**

**_MISHA: Oooh, sexy time?_ **

**ME: No, I just really need to talk.**

**_MISHA: Be there in five._ **

A few minutes later, we were sitting on the edge of my bed. I was surprisingly calm given the emotional rollercoaster I had just been on. I took Misha’s hand in mine, “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Yes,” he gave me a curious look, “why?”

“I think I need to be on my own for a while.” I took a deep breath, “Something happened between me and Jensen, and it made me realize that the only way to get over him is to put myself out there, for real. Try to find someone that I’m allowed to love.” 

When I looked into his eyes, I expected to see disappointment. Instead, I saw understanding, “Vicki and I will always be here for you, no matter what. And if you change your mind…”

“You will be the first to know.”

The next few months were tough. I stuck to my guns, not taking Misha into my bed. As much as I missed him, it was not a good relationship for me to be in. They loved me and treated me awesome, it just wasn’t what I wanted for my life.

I started dating. A few of the cast and crew set me up with friends once they knew I was looking, but those never got past the first date. Being in a relationship with someone famous was harder than it sounds. One of the guys even brought me an NDA to sigh, I closed the door on his face. I even tried going on a date with Sam. We had fun, but when we kissed at the end f the night, we both agreed it was too awkward. We felt too much like brother and sister to be romantic.

Jensen was subdued around me after the night at the convention. The day after, he had been sporting a black eye. When I saw Misha glaring at him, I knew what must have happened. I had to tell Misha that everything was fine, he didn’t need to kick Jensen’s ass for impinging upon my honor. He wasn’t happy about that but respected my wishes.

By October, I had fooled everyone into think I was over Jensen. I would talk about my dates at work, smile and laugh with everyone, even him. However, with the exception of when we were filming, I made sure to keep just enough distance between us so that it seemed normal but would make it so we never touched. At least the writers hadn't done anything with Eva and Dean’s relationship yet, so I wasn’t forced to kiss him or be undressed around him.

The worst part about giving him up was the singing at karaoke night. I still went, but I stopping singing. The only songs I felt up to singing were depressing love songs, and that would have been too obvious that I wasn’t over him. Eric kept trying to get me to sing, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

In November, right after my birthday, Jensen came in to work the happiest I had seen him in months. When he told everyone that Danni had said yes, that they were getting married, I struggled to put on a happy face. But I managed to give him a hug, telling him how happy I was for him.

Jared and Misha took turns keeping an eye on me, but I just kept smiling, pretending to be happy. Eventually, they believed me and stopped looking at me with those pitying looks. It probably helped that when Mark Pelligrino came to film his episode for season five, he and I started having a purely sexual relationship.

It had started simple enough. Mark had seen me giving Jensen a look when no one was watching and had asked me about it. He was so straight forward when he asked me, not giving me any pity when I told him the whole sordid story. Instead, he just looked at me and asked if I wanted to make Jensen jealous. We started dating and that quickly escalated into fucking like bunnies. He made me laugh as no one had in a long time, so I was happy to spend my free time with him. We didn’t love each other, it was more of a friends with benefits situation. And at least I didn’t have to keep trying to date other people.

February 2010 came and Gen called me, asking if I would sing at her and Jared’s wedding. She wanted me to sing their first dance song. She and I had become good friends and I couldn’t say no to her. They had chosen Amazed by Lonestar, and I thought it was the perfect song for them. The chorus spoke of their love for each other.

_ I don’t how you do what you do _ __   
_ I’m so in love with you _ __   
_ It just keeps getting better _ __   
_ I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side _ __   
_ Forever and ever _ __   
_ Every little thing that you do _ _   
_ __ Baby, I’m amazed by you

Danni came up to me during the reception, telling me that the emotion in my voice had made her cry. That she loved the fact that I had sung for them. She told me that the fact that we were all such good friends made it that much more touching. She asked me to sing at her and Jensen’s wedding too. Now, I had gotten the invitation to it and was still debating if I wanted to go or not. But when she gave me this pitiful and hopeful expression, I caved and told her I would.

It was May and everyone was in Texas for the wedding. Mark and I were still having our passionate affair, so he came as my date. When we got there, Jensen pulled me to the side. “Thanks for doing this for me and Danni. You are a great friend.”

My heart fluttered in my chest when he hugged me just a little too long. I pulled away and plastered a huge smile on my face, “You’re one of my best friends, Jensen. I would do anything for you...for you both.”

Mark came up behind me and put his arm around my waist, “Honey, we have to go take our seats.”

I shot him a grateful smile, then looked back to Jensen to see him quickly change the expression on his face, “You guys are so lucky, Jensen. I’m so happy for you.”

When we were in our seat, Mark whispered in my ear, “You okay?”

“I think so,” I snuggled up against his side. “It just hit me that he’s getting married and how I can never really have him.”

“Honey, you didn’t have him before,” like always, Mark’s voice contained no trace of pity. He just told it like it was, “I know you’re trying to move on, but that doesn’t seem to be going well for you.” He mumbled under his breath, “Not that anyone else seems to notice.”

I took his hand in mine, rubbing my thumb on his palm, “That’s because I don’t want them to know. I want everyone to think I’m over him. That’s the only way they’ll treat me normally. The pitying looks were worse than being in love with a guy that I can’t have.”

The music started playing and we watched the service. Jensen’s eyes lit up when Danni came walking down the aisle. She looked beautiful, more so than I could have ever imagined. When they said I do and kissed, I let the tears roll down my face. No one needed to know they were tears of grief.

At the reception, I went to the bar and had a double shot of whiskey to calm my nerves down. I went to the stage and talked with the band they had hired. We chatted for a few minutes while we waited for the bride and groom. Once they arrived, there was the typical wedding rigamarole. Once that was done, I walked to the microphone at the front of the stage, “Thanks everyone for coming to help celebrate Danneel and Jensen’s big day. Now it’s time for their first dance as a married couple.” The music started playing as they walked out on the dance floor.

_ When I look into your eyes _ __   
_ It's like watching the night sky _ __   
_ Or a beautiful sunrise _ __   
_ So much they hold _ __   
_ And just like them old stars _ __   
_ I see that you've come so far _ __   
_ To be right where you are _ _   
_ __ How old is your soul?

_ I won't give up on us _ __   
_ Even if the skies get rough _ __   
_ I'm giving you all my love _ _   
_ __ I'm still looking up

_ And when you're needing your space _ __   
_ To do some navigating _ __   
_ I'll be here patiently waiting _ _   
_ __ To see what you find

_ Cos even the stars they burn _ __   
_ Some even fall to the earth _ __   
_ We got a lot to learn _ __   
_ God knows we're worth it _ _   
_ __ No, I won't give up

I closed my eyes, singing this to Jensen. Even though we would never be, this song was the epitome of our relationship and interactions. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to give up on loving him, no matter how hard I tried.

_ I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily _ __   
_ I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make _ __   
_ Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use _ _   
_ __ the tools and gifts we've got yeah we got a lot at stake

_ And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend _ __   
_ for us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn _ __   
_ We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in _ _   
_ __ I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not and who I am

I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, but I kept my voice from wavering. When I opened my eyes, most everyone was watching them dance with dreamy expressions. The only ones who saw my pain were Mark, Misha, and Gen. I put on a smile for the rest of the song to try and disguise my hurt.

_ I won't give up on us _ __   
_ Even if the skies get rough _ __   
_ I'm giving you all my love _ _   
_ __ I'm still looking up

_ So easy is our life _ __   
_ What's mine is yours and yours mine _ __   
_ Hardly do we ever find _ _   
_ __ We'd rather be kind

_ I won't give up on us _ __   
_ Even if the skies get dark _ __   
_ I'm healing this broken heart _ _   
_ __ And I know I'm worthy

_ I won't give up on us _ __   
_ God knows I'm tough, I am love _ __   
_ We got a lot to learn _ _   
_ __ God knows we're worthy

_ No, I won't give up on us _ __   
_ God knows I've had enough _ __   
_ |We got a lot to learn _ _   
_ __ And we're, and we're worthy

_ No, I won't give up _ _   
_ _ No, I won't give up _

Once I was done, I rushed off the stage, wiping the tears from my eyes. Danni stopped me, asking what was wrong. I simply told her that weddings made me emotional. That the song had special meaning to me. Then I gave her a hug, telling her how happy I was for her.

When she released me, I all but ran to the bathroom, crying. I heard the door open and Gen said, “Alex, are you okay?”

“No,” I sobbed. “I can’t fucking do this.”

“Do what?” Danneel’s voice was confused and I mentally chastised myself.

I came out of the stall, went to the sink and splashed water on my face while I thought of a lie she would believe. “It’s just hard, being around so many people who are happily married. It just reminded me that I don’t have that and I got sad.”

She seemed to believe me, “Will you be alright?”

“Yes, no go back out to your husband. I’m sure he’s missing you.”

After she left, Gen pulled me into her arms and I started crying again. Her hand rubbed my back, “Is this about Jensen?” I nodded, “We thought you were over him. You seem so happy with Mark.”

Choking out a laugh, I pulled away, “I am happy with Mark, but it’s just sex. We’re fuck buddies. I just got good at pretending that I didn’t still love him. That it didn’t tear at my heart every single fucking time I see him.”

“Oh, Alex,” she looked so sad for me.

“I know you’re going to tell Jared, but I really wish you wouldn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Her voice broke, “I’m sorry you’re hurting and I can’t help you. I’m sorry that we didn’t realize that you were still in so much pain. And I’m sorry that I can’t keep this from Jared. We don’t keep secrets, and this is a big one for me to lie about.” Gen rubbed at my back, “But don’t worry, neither one of us will tell Jensen or Danni.”

I just gave her a tight smile, “Will you get Mark for me?” She nodded and left the restroom. While I waited, I tried to make my eyes less red by putting cool water on them. It only helped a little.

When the door opened and I saw Mark, I pulled him inside and locked the door. Kissing him, my fingers went to work on his belt buckle. As I started to pull down the zipper of his slacks, he grabbed my wrists in one hand and with the other forced me to look at him, “What’s going on, Alex?”

“I need you to fuck me, Mark.” My voice sounded desperate, even to me.

“I won’t be a replacement for Jensen.”

I took a step back, feeling like I had been sucker punched, “Why does everyone assume that I’m fucking them to replace Jensen. First Misha, now you.” I walked up to him again, took his shirt in my hands, and kissed him deeply. “I need to feel something other than pain right now. Please, Mark.”

He turned me around and pushed me so I had to brace my hands on the sink. Pushing my dress up slowly, he locked eyes with me in the mirror, “As long as you know who’s fucking you.”

My panties were pushed to the ground and he took his hard cock out of his pants. He stepped closer, resting his dick in the crevice of my ass as one of his hands went to my pussy to get me ready for him. The entire time, we looked at each other in the mirror, a sigh so erotic that it didn’t take long for me to get incredibly horny, “Fuck me now, Mark. I need your cock in me.”

He moved his hand and thrust all the way into me in one go. I screamed with both pain and pleasure as he fucked me, hips pistoning against me fast and hard. When I closed my eyes, he grabbed my hair and jerked my head back, growling, “Don’t you dare close your fucking eyes. Watch me fuck you.”

My eyes popped open and I stared into his eyes through the mirror. His expression was so visceral I started to come as he fucked me. A few more thrusts and he came as well, pushing himself deeper within me. We both leaned against the counter, as he softened inside me. When he pulled out, I went into the stall and cleaned myself up as he put himself back into his pants. 

I stalked towards him and gave him a passionate kiss, “Thanks, Mark. I really needed that.”

“Sorry, it was so quick.” He seemed a little embarrassed, “It’s just the first time I’ve done this at a wedding before. Kind of hot.” He pulled me into his arms and pressed a kiss to my hair, “Are you going to be able to go back to the reception? We can ditch out if you want. I can go and give our excuses to Jensen and Danni, say that you feel sick.”

“You would do that for me?” my words came out astonished, I hadn’t thought he could be that sweet.

“Hey, you're my best girl. I want you to be happy.”

“I probably shouldn’t leave, but I don’t think I can go back out there and watch them be happy.” I pulled away, “Will you just tell them I feel nauseous and I don’t want them to get sick.”

“Of course,” he gave me another kiss. “Go wait out front for me, I’ll grab your purse from the stage.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say that it makes my heart happy that people are enjoying my story. I write for fun and for myself, but since I joined AO3 (to read), I have been more inspired than I have in years. All you guys out there liking the story and reading it are the ones that are inspiring me to keep going, to actually finish this story. So thank you for helping to be my inspiration. You guys are awesome!

I wish I could say that Jensen realized that he made a tragic mistake and divorced Danneel, leaving her for me, but that didn’t happen. My exit from the wedding was fairly unremarkable. The only ones who knew the truth of why I left, Mark and Misha. The only reason Misha knew was that when Mark grabbed my purse, Misha cornered him and threatened to castrate him if he didn’t tell him what the fuck was going on. Even though we hadn’t slept together in a long while, he was still protective of me.

The only good thing about when Jensen’s wedding took place, I had a few months before we were back to our normal filming schedule. I still had to do the conventions, but at least I didn’t have to deal with ‘Dean’ undressing me with his eyes, or the inevitable relationship that the writers were going to put Eva and Dean in. 

In July, we were at a convention in New Jersey. I was wearing my usual attire of jeans and a crop top. I finally had the body I’d always wanted, I was going to show it off. As I was about to get on stage with Jensen, Jared walked off the stage and pulled me to the side. “Alex, Jensen is having a bad time today.”

“What’s going on?” I may not have been able to have him the way I wanted, but he was still one of my best friends and I didn’t want to see him hurt.

“The questions they’re asking,” he raked a hand through his hair, “fuck, I think they aren’t being screened well.”

“What kind of questions?”

He gave me a look, “Just get out there and help Jensen. I know you guys have your issues, but he needs the support, and not from me.”

I nodded and ran onto the stage, my heart beating faster when Jensen gave me a grateful look. I picked up the microphone that Jared had left on the seat and held it about a foot away from my mouth, “So, what did Jared do to my mic? Did he fart on it?” The crowd laughed and Jensen did too. “Come on, you guys can tell me.” I gave the audience a look, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell on you. Big boy Jared will never know.”

A female voice cried out from the back, “He licked it.”

“Eww,” I scrunched up my nose and brought the microphone to my face. I turned it in my hand to look at it, then stuck my tongue out and licked it myself. The entire crowd went silent for a second before bursting out into laughter. When I heard laughter from beside me, I turned and saw Jensen with his head thrown back, laughing so hard I was sure his abs would hurt.

When he calmed down, he came over and put an arm around me, whispering in my ear, “Thanks, Alex. I needed that.”

I whispered back, “I’m here to save you.” Stepping away from him, I frowned at the audience, “So, I hear you guys are being harsh to my boys. Well, I’m here now, so if you have something mean to say, you can say it to me. And just in case you were wondering, I’m still taking fighting lessons with Ryan and I can kick your ass. Jensen is too nice, but I will be as much of a bitch back as you are to me.”

“You know we need them to keep our jobs, right?” Jensen said into the microphone.

“Maybe.” I grinned evilly, “I’m pretty sure it’s your ass and my tits that keep us employed though.”

The crowd laughed again and a fan came up to the microphone, looking nervous. Her voice came out stuttering, “Hu...hu...hi.”

I took a deep breath and tried to be as nice as possible, “Hi, sweetheart. What’s your name?”

“Julie,” her voice still sounded terrified, but at least she wasn’t stuttering anymore.

“Well, Julie, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I promise not to get too angry with your question. And I’m assuming from the way you are shaking, that I’m not going to like it.”

I could see her shake her head. She said softly, “It’s been asked a couple of times but Jared and Jensen wouldn’t answer it.”

“There’s probably a reason for that, but go ahead and ask. I promise to answer.” I turned and looked at the crowd, “But this is going to end here. I’ll answer your question and then y’all are going to stop terrorizing my boys. We come to these conventions because we love you guys, not because we have to. Do you understand?”

The entire crowd said, “Yes.”

“Good.” I turned back to Julie, “Go ahead, sweetheart.”

Her voice came out stronger after my tirade, “There’s been a lot of rumors circulating with regards to you and your relationship with some of the cast members. We just want to know if they’re true.”

“You’ll have to give me more to go on than that.” I heard Jensen groan behind me, but at least his mic was away from his face so no one else heard. When I looked at him, he had a look of utter disgust on his face. I turned back, “Sorry, but I don’t read gossip mags, so I’m not sure which rumors you are talking about.”

“They have to do with your relationship with Misha, Jensen, and Mark Pellegrino. The rumor is that you are...sleeping with all of them.”

“At the same time?” I let myself sound shocked, “Sounds scandalous.”

The crowd laughed. “No, not at the same time. The rumors have been circulating since you joined the cast. We love you, Alex, we just want the truth.”

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth.” When no one laughed, I groaned, “What, you guys have never seen a few good men?” I moved over to Jensen, “Go ahead and sit down, Jensen, this is going to take a minute.”

I walked to the front of the stage and sat on the edge so I was closer to the crowd. “I’m going to answer your accusations one at a time. First, I just want to say, this is none of your fucking business who I do or do not fuck. And yes, I’m going to get yelled at later for swearing.” Laughter again, “I’m going to tell you guys the truth because I love you all and I don’t want you to leave thinking I’m a horrible person.”

“First, me and Misha.” I took a deep breath, “Misha and I have a special relationship. And no, that is not code for sex. He took me under his wing and helped me become more comfortable with myself. Was there flirting, oh hell yes. Have you seen the guys I work with? Fuck, have you guys seen the girls I work with? They are all hotties, how could there not be flirting.”

The crowd laughed again and I was glad that they seemed to be calm, “But the truth is, I’m not sleeping with Misha.” I left out the part where I had been sleeping with him, “Did I ever want to? Well, if you can find one guy on the show that I didn’t want to sleep with, I’ll give you $100.”

Someone yelled out, “Bobby!”

“Hell yes, Jim Beaver is a sexy older man. Always liked older men. Given half the chance I totally would have tapped that.” I gave the crowd a wink. “Now, as for Jensen, he is my best friend. I love him dearly and have since the beginning. I love all three of my boys, more than I can describe in words. He has been with Danneel since I met him, and contrary to what popular opinion seems to say, he is not a cheater. He loves Danni with his whole heart, and he is married to her. He is not an adulterer.”

When the crowd stayed silent, I glared at them, “And I would like you guys to stop harassing him about this. I don’t like seeing my friend hurting, and when you accuse him of things like that, it hurts. You can say whatever you want about me…”

“No, they can’t,” Jensen’s deep voice came out commanding.

I looked over my shoulder at him and gave him a soft smile, “It’s okay, Jensen.” I turned back to the crowd, “So have Jensen and I slept together? My unequivocal answer is no. We’ve kissed, but everyone has seen that on the show. And in case you guys forgot, the show isn’t real life.”

“As for your final accusation, well, Mark and I are actually together. Which if he were out here, he would happily confirm,” I was thankful that I had the foresight to ask Mark if it was okay if I told everyone we were dating. “We have been for several months, so that rumor is true.” I looked out at the audience, “This is your last chance, any other rumors floating around that you need to have answers to?”

The audience was silent so I stood and walked over to the stools, taking a seat in the one next to Jensen, “Good. Now, let’s get back to the normal questions.”

We spent the rest of our time answering normal, mundane questions about the show. Every once in a while, Jensen would give me a grateful look and I would give him a smile in return. I’m sure it would feed the fuel for the gossip mill, but I didn’t care. My friend needed my support and I was going to be there for him.

After we were dragged off the stage and replaced by Rob and Richard, we went back to the green room. Jensen stopped me when we got into the room and said softly, “Why did you lie for me?”

“I didn’t lie,” when his eyebrows raised I sighed. “What did you want me to say? That you had kissed me more than once and fingered me to orgasm? Did you want me to tell them we used to be in love?”

“Used to be?” his voice came out gruff.

I closed my eyes, “Don’t start this again, Jensen. You are married and I am with Mark.” Sighing, I opened my eyes, “Look, we didn’t have sex. So I didn’t completely lie to them. But I am not about to ruin your marriage nor your reputation. At least now we won’t have to worry about those questions anymore.”

I cupped his face with my hand and whispered, “I love you, Jensen. What I said out there was true. But we are just best friends, nothing more. I said what needed to be said.”

With that, I turned and walked away towards where Mark and Misha were talking animatedly. When I got closer, I heard Mark say, “Holy fuck that was hot. She really laid into them out there.”

“Hey guys,” I walked up to them. “Sorry, Mark. I know you are okay with our relationship being out, but I still feel bad about it.”

“No worries,” he pulled me against him and kissed my forehead.

Misha gave me a curious look, “You lied to them about us.”

“No, actually, I didn’t.” I smiled as his eyebrows raised. Thankfully, I had told him that Mark knew the whole story, so I didn’t have to shoo away my lover, “What? We aren’t having sex right now. That was all I said. I didn’t say that we never had sex, just that we weren’t currently.”

They laughed and Misha looked relieved, “Well, I think they all believed you, so they should stop harassing Jared and Jensen about you.”

“Hopefully. I’m just glad that I could get them to stop, I mean, with Vicki being pregnant and all, the last thing she needs is to be stressed out.” I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, “I am glad I didn’t have to lie completely though.”

Mark smiled, “I look forward to answering questions at my next panel. Maybe they’ll ask what special skills you have in bed.” I glared at him, “Oh, come on, you know they would get a kick out of it.”

“Yes, but some things are private.”

“Well, you just outed us to the entire fandom, sweetcheeks. So be prepared for the inevitable fallout from that.”

I groaned and dropped my head to his shoulder, “Well, as long as you don’t try to convince them we are in love and getting married, I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t worry, Alex.” He lifted my face so I was looking at him, “As much as I like you, I know exactly what our relationship is and what it isn’t. You are my best girl, and I love being with you, but I don’t love you any more than you love me. That’s what’s great about being friends with benefits.”

“Cheeky bastard,” I said softly, before giving him a big kiss on the lips. “Alright, so what’s next on the agenda?”

The rest of the convention went smoothly. After my little tirade happened, the questions from the fans were a lot more subdued. A couple of them actually apologized for being assholes before they asked their questions. When Mark had his panel, he of course welcomed them to ask him anything about our relationship. The only thing someone asked him was if he was happy with me. I sat in the green room watching as his face softened and he said yes. He told them that I was his best girl and that he loved every minute he spent with me. The crowd let out a collective sigh at that, and before you knew it he was back pretending to be satan again.


	19. Chapter 19

After the convention, things got back to normal with me and Jensen. I still didn’t get too close to him, but we were closer friends after my diatribe to the fans. The show producers had actually yelled at me over that and there was a moment when I was worried they were going to fire me. But Jared and Jensen had my back, telling them that if I were let go, they would leave the show as well. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried when that happened.

In September, Misha and Vicki’s son was born. When he came back to the set after having a couple of weeks off, he brought back so many baby pictures, I became jealous of what he and Vicki had. I honestly wasn’t sure if I was ever going to find my true love and settle down. I wanted to, but I was really worried that my soulmate was Jensen, so I was doomed to be alone.

Right before my 26th birthday in November, Mark broke up with me. He let me down easily, but because all we did was fuck, I wasn’t too sad. Except for the fact that I was going to be deprived of having consistent sex, we were still friends so I wasn’t losing anything by stopping our relationship. But when he told me that he had met someone on another project he was working and that he thought she could be his one, well I wasn’t about to stand in the way of true love. I gave him a huge kiss and sent him out the door with my best wishes.

Starting in season six, they began to have Dean and Eva get closer. There was still a lot of monster fighting, but there was a lot of touching and kissing. It was awkward at first until Jared lightened up the mood by pranking us every time something sexy started to happen. Sera Gamble, our new director, pulled me aside and asked about the tension. I lied, telling her that I just wasn’t used to acting in those kinds of scenes. I didn’t think she bought it, but she didn’t ask me again.

For my relationship with Jensen, well I was back to pretending not to love him. At least, not in the way I wanted to love him. I got so good at pretending, that even when Gen and Misha would question me about it, I could shrug off their concerns. Telling them that it had been two years now, I was over him. I still loved him, but it was the love of a friend.

All of 2011 was tough for me. I had been without a romantic partner for months, Jensen was spending every weekend he could with Danni, Jared would leave to go visit Gen, and Misha would drive down to Seattle to be with his wife and child. I spent time with Sam at the karaoke bar, singing songs while he played guitar. But he had a serious girlfriend, so we didn’t get to spend too much time together.

When 2012 came around, everything seemed to happen at once. Vicki was pregnant with their second child, Jared and Gen had their first, a son they named Thomas. When I would visit their children, I could feel my biological clock start ticking. But I was still single, having decided that dating was just too much effort. 

It was September when the news came. We were all hanging out at the bar, drinking when Jensen got a phone call. He saw it was Danni and his eyes lit up, “Hey babe.” I watched his face morph from happy to ecstatic, “What, are you sure?” He jumped off his chair and whooped, “Oh, baby, you’ve made me a happy man. I love you so much.”

After he hung up, he sat back down and we all looked at him expectantly. He flushed and said with a huge grin, “I’m going to be a father.”

It was then that I knew in my heart it was over between us. I tried to keep the sad look off my face, but I know that Misha noticed it. He grabbed my hand beneath the table and squeezed. I went over to the bar, bought the entire bottle of whiskey and brought it over to the table.

I wasn’t drinking heavily because I had to drive back, but I was going to celebrate my best friends happy news even if it killed me. Misha ended up taking Jared back to the trailers because he got drunk too fast and needed to call Gen to tell her the good news. I was pretty sure that Danni would have told Gen, but Jared really wanted to talk to his wife.

Jensen and I sat there at the table for a little longer while he continued to drink. When he was on glass eight or nine, I grabbed his wrist, “Hey, you should probably slow down. We’ve got filming tomorrow, and no one wants to deal with hungover and cranky Jensen.”

He leaned as close to me as he could given that we were sitting in chairs, “I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.” 

Eyes glassy and words slurring slightly, I could tell he was wasted. Rather than argue, I took his drink from his hand and downed it, before dropping some money on the table for the waitress. I had to physically lift Jensen out of the chair and let him use me as a crutch to get him to my car.

When we got back to the studio, no one was around. It was pretty late, but usually, there was someone around doing something. I helped him inside his trailer and suddenly, he stood up straight and turned to me. He was still a little wobbly, but he looked at me with this fire that I hadn’t seen from him in a while.

One unsteady step and suddenly our bodies were touching. I forgot how to breathe, his touch was intoxicating. Throughout the years, my love for him had never diminished, only growing stronger even though we were apart. That’s what happens when you are in love with your best friend, who also happens to be one of the best people you know.

His head dipped down and he placed a chaste kiss on my lips. “Alex,” he moaned, dipping his head back down to capture my mouth with his. Even though I knew it was wrong, I kissed him back, allowing myself this moment of weakness. 

As he grew hard against me, I pushed back slightly. My voice came out hoarse, “Bedroom.”

A grin crossed his face and he pulled me to the back of the trailer to his bedroom. He quickly took off his clothes until he was standing there in all his naked glory, cock jutting out from his hips. I moaned as my mouth watered at the sight of him. He stalked over to me, any traces of drunkenness gone. 

I allowed him to take off my shirt and bra, moaning again as he took a nipple in his mouth, biting down lightly. “Fuck, Jensen. Are you trying to kill me?”

“No, the plan is to fuck you until you can’t walk.” When he growled those words, I could feel myself growing wetter, the moisture soaking into my jeans. I knew that I couldn’t let him do that, but I wanted it more than I’d ever wanted anything.

Pushing him back, I tried to sound commanding, “Lay back on the bed, cowboy.”

He did as I asked, putting his head on a pillow and looking at me expectantly. I climbed into bed next to him, not bothering to take off my pants. I wasn’t actually going to fuck him, I couldn’t do that to his pregnant wife.

I curled up next to him and one of my hands grabbed his cock, slowly stroking up and down. My mouth went by his ear, where I placed a small kiss, “What do you want, Jensen? Do you want to come?” I started stroking him up and down faster and harder. As his hips started fucking my hand, I moved so I was straddling his thighs so I could roll his balls in one hand while the other stroked his cock. “God Jensen, what I wouldn’t give to have your hard cock fucking me right now.”

He moaned, but managed to say, “Take off your pants.”

“No, baby. This is about you tonight, not me.” Moving a little bit further down on the bed, I spread his legs so I could lie between them and licked his cock from base to tip, “Next time, I’ll ride you. Show you how tight my pussy is. But until then…” I lowered my mouth on his cock, taking him as deep as I could before gagging. He was too big for me to take all the way down, so I kept my hand at the base, moving it in time with my mouth.

It didn’t take long before I could tell he was close. I started sucking every time I moved up. His hips started thrusting into my mouth and I just held my head in place, letting him fuck my mouth. When he started to come, he gripped my head in his hands, holding me in place as he pushed his cock deep into my mouth. He came for so long that tears started to roll down my cheeks and I knew that I was going to have mascara all down my face.

Once he finished, I pulled off him and looked into his eyes. I could see the love that he had for me, and it broke my heart. I climbed off the bed and said softly, “I’ll be right back.” In his bathroom, I used some mouthwash to get the taste of come out of my mouth before going back in the bedroom.

He was snoring softly, already passed out. I put my bra and shirt back on, pulled his blanket over him, then leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss. “I love you, Jensen.”

He turned in his sleep, reaching for me, but I back out of the way. “Love you too,” he mumbled.

As fast as I could, I left his trailer. I was moving so quickly, I didn’t see Jared standing there as I barrelled into him. He caught me by the shoulders to steady me. When I looked up at him, he looked so disappointed, “Alex, why were you in Jensen’s trailer?”

“You guys left me alone with him. Who else was supposed to get his drunk ass back?” my voice came out defensive and I backed away from Jared. I wasn’t scared of him, but I couldn’t help but feel small next to him, especially after what had just happened.

“Alex,” his voice was gentler this time, but I could hear the question he didn’t want to ask. “What happened?”

Tears began to well in my eyes, but I rubbed them before they could fall, “We’re just friends, Jared. Remember?”

“Even I know that’s not entirely true,” he crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you know who Jensen talks about when he’s drunk? It’s not Danni. I’ve had to tell him not to get drunk around his wife because then she would know that he thinks of someone else.”

“Fuck,” I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. “Why did you have to tell me that, Jared? I didn’t need to know that.” I opened my eyes to look at him, this time not bothering to hide my tears, “Do you know how hard it is to see him on a daily basis? To know that he’s married and I can’t have him? And now he’s going to have a baby.”

Jared took a step toward me and I stepped back, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Taking another deep breath, I forced myself to calm down, “But don’t worry. We didn’t do anything in there that Jensen would need to hide from his wife.” I wasn’t the best at poker, but I hoped like hell he would buy my story, “I just took him home and put him to bed, that’s all.”

He looked like he didn’t believe me, “Are you sure that’s all?”

“Yes. If you don’t believe me, ask him tomorrow. He is your best friend, after all. I can’t imagine he would lie to you.”

Jared ran his fingers through his hair, “Okay, I’ll see you in the morning.”

I turned and walked to my much smaller trailer, trying not to move too fast. When I got inside, I fell on the bed, passing out the moment my head hit the pillow.

The next morning I woke to a knock on the door of my trailer. Still dressed in last night’s clothes, I climbed out of bed groggily and opened the door to see a confused Jensen standing there. I sighed, “Come on in, Jensen. Sorry, I don’t have any coffee ready, you literally woke me up.”

He stood there, wringing his hands, “What happened last night, Alex?”

My eyebrows raised, “What do you mean?”

“Jared has already cornered me this morning, asking why you came out of my trailer last night.” He looked down at the ground as he tried to come up with the right way to ask the question, “Did we have sex last night? I can’t remember anything. I haven’t been blackout drunk in a very long time, but I feel like something happened that I need to apologize for.”

This was it. I could tell him the truth, forcing him to lie to his beautiful wife and best friend, or I could lie to him and pretend as if nothing had happened. As much as I wanted him to remember what we did, I couldn’t do that to him. I smiled, plastering on the face that I had been using more and more to hide my true feelings for Jensen, “Nothing happened last night. You got a call from Danni, saying she was pregnant. You drank too much and I had to take you home. That’s it.”

“I woke up naked,” he sounded so confused. Like he was sure that something had happened that he needed to remember. “Why was I naked if nothing happened?”

I felt my face flush, but continued lying, “You started stripping the second I helped you into the trailer, saying you were too hot. I promise Jensen, nothing happened. You got naked, fell into bed, I covered you and left. That’s all.”

He looked relieved, “Thanks for helping me last night.”

“Jensen, you are my best friend. I’ll always be here for you.” I stepped forward and gave him a quick hug, “Now, you should probably leave so I can get changed. We have a long day of filming ahead of us.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short, but the good stuff is coming soon and I suck at breaking up the story into chapters. The song in here is sung to the tune of Jolene and I actually wrote this one myself. I was driving home from work yesterday and thought that it would be cool if Jolene was Supernaturalified. This is what I came up with. It could be better, but I like it.

The hardest thing I ever had to do was live the lie that I had forced upon myself. After the night in the trailer, I distanced myself from all three of the guys. It hurt too much to be around Jensen, and Jared knew too much for his own good. Misha was just so happy with his wife and children, I couldn’t bear to bring him down by being around him.

It took several months of me ignoring them before the three of them cornered me at a convention during the summer. We were in the green room and when they came in, furious looks on their faces, everyone else scattered. They stalked over to me and stood there, arms crossed over their chests, identical glowering stares on their faces.

“What?” I tried to take a step back, but the couch was behind me and I fell down.

“Why are you avoiding us?” Misha asked, his voice deep and gravelly.

“Look, if you guys are going to yell at me, could you sit so you’re not towering over me.” I tried to act calmer than I felt, “Sheesh, you guys are kind of intimidating, you know.”

“Good,” Jensen said, not sitting. However, Jared and Misha did take seats on chairs that were near the couch. “You’ve been avoiding us for months now. What the fuck is going on? And don’t tell us some bullshit story. We have all been friends too long for you to lie to us.”

I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, and dropped my face into my hands. “I don’t know what you guys want from me. I’ve just been dealing with some stuff.”

Jensen sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I had to fight with myself not to pull away, “Alex, we’ve known you for five years now. You are one of our best friends. You can tell us anything.”

“Oh really.” I stood and took a couple of steps away from all three of them. I looked each one in the eyes as I spoke, “You want to know about my troubles? About how lonely I am? How I haven’t been laid since Mark and I ended things? Jesus.” I started pacing back and forth, trying to work off some of my nervous energy, “You guys are my best friends. But some things, you just don’t need to know.”

I was avoiding telling them that I was still in love with Jensen, even though I knew that at the very least, Jared and Misha probably knew, or at least could guess that I was. “All three of you are happily married with children. I’m here, still single at 28, and I have to work with the hottest men in the business.” I stopped pacing and looked at them. I knew that the expression on my face was pained, but I just couldn’t hide from them right now, “Guys, I don’t know why I’m being so distant. Just give me some time. I promise it will eventually get back to normal.”

When they didn’t respond, I tried another tactic, “Come on, every relationship has its ups and downs. I’m just in a slump right now, that’s all.” I plastered a smile on my face and lied, “I promise that I’m fine.”

They looked at each other and then back at me. Misha stood and walked over to me, pulling me into a hug. He whispered in my ear, “I know you’re lying, baby girl. But I won’t tell the others. You know where to find me if you need me.” When he pulled away, he said, “Don’t take too long to get back to normal, or we’ll have to corner you again. We miss our best friend.”

Jared stood and came over to me as well. He looked at me sheepishly, “I’m sorry we’re so pushy, Alex. It’s just that we love you.”

“I love you guys too,” my voice broke.

He pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear, “I’m always here if you need to talk. I know what it’s like to deal with depression. Don’t bottle it up.”

When Jensen stood and walked over to me, I forced myself not to move away from him. I didn’t need them to know that he was the reason I was being distant. He gave me a quick hug, “You ready for karaoke?”

With that, the subject changed and I was happy about it. “Yes, actually. I wrote another song to sing for the fans. Hopefully, they will like it.”

Jensen’s eyebrow raised, “You gonna share with the class? Or do we have to be surprised too?”

“What do you think?” I gave him a coy grin. “Let’s just say, it’s based on Supernatural.”

The boys laughed and we headed out of the green room toward the stage. Richard and his band were already up there, talking to the fans. The karaoke had been going on for a bit, so when Richard saw me, he waved for me to come up. “Look who it is guys, our very own angel, Alex Clark.”

The crowd cheered as I grabbed an extra mic from him, “Well, hello.” The crowd cheered again and then started chanting Jolene. I held up a hand to silence them, “So, I have something a little different this time. None of the cast and crew know or have heard it. I know you guys all love my rendition of Jolene, but I felt like it was time to make it a little more...Supernatural.”

The crowd cheered and I laughed, “I hope you guys like it. And since Mark Sheppard is here today, I am going to dedicate this to him. He’ll know why in a minute.”

_ Crowley, Crowley, Crowley, Crowley _ __   
_ I’m begging of you please don’t take my soul _ __   
_ Crowley, Crowley, Crowley, Crowley _ _   
_ __ Please don’t take it just because you can

_ Ten years is not that very long _ __   
_ Even though it’s promised me _ _   
_ __ I’m not sure I can give life up, Crowley

_ Dean and Sam will be so mad _ __   
_ I sold my soul to save their lives _ _   
_ __ Please keep my secret safe from them, Crowley

_ The boys will try to rescue me _ __   
_ So please whatever you should say _ _   
_ __ Just remember our deal today, Crowley

_ You told me once, you told me twice _ __   
_ Don’t play with fire, or you’ll get burned _ _   
_ __ But I don’t listen well do I, Crowley

_ Crowley, Crowley, Crowley, Crowley _ __   
_ I’ll go with you if you leave my boys alone _ __   
_ Crowley, Crowley, Crowley, Crowley _ _   
_ __ I should have known you’d never leave them be

_ I know I made a crossroads deal _ __   
_ But listen close to what I say _ _   
_ __ You won’t take me easily, Crowley

_ I’ve got the colt, one bullet left _ __   
_ Your time on earth is closing fast _ _   
_ __ I won’t miss when I take my shot, Crowley

_ Crowley, Crowley, Crowley, Crowley _ __   
_ You may not know it but you’ll soon be dead _ __   
_ Crowley, Crowley, Crowley, Crowley _ __   
_ I’ll shoot you right between your red eyes _ _   
_ __ Crowley, Crowley

Mark Sheppard came out on stage, his mouth agape. The crowd was cheering louder than it had before and I felt my face flush. Mark came over, and in his sexy British accent said, “Wow, kitten, that was spectacular.”

“Now, how are we going to follow that?” Jensen and the boys came out on stage. “I think that should be our last song, what do you guys think?” he asked the audience.

They screamed, “No!”

“But that was too good. What more could you guys want?” The crowd screamed, carry on, and Jensen smiled, “Well, if you guys insist.” The entire cast joined him in singing Carry On My Wayward son and that completed the convention.


	21. Chapter 21

As time went on, I stayed a little distant from the guys, but knowing that I couldn’t hide from them forever, I started hanging out with them more. It took me a couple of months, but I forced myself to do it, knowing that they would figure out why I was running if I kept doing it. Hiding my feelings from them, I tried to get back to what we were before Jensen found out Danni was pregnant.

The next couple of years went by much the same. We went back to being the four amigos, going everywhere together. Karaoke nights during filming were fun, as long as I stayed away from love songs. When I sang those, I couldn’t hide my feelings. 

My dating life was nonexistent. I had tried dating to get over Jensen and it didn’t work, so instead, I just stayed single. Toys worked well enough to keep me from being too horny, so I didn’t see the need to try and fake a relationship that wouldn’t last. The guys would occasionally try to set me up, but it never really worked. I wanted a guy who was funny like Misha, caring like Jared, and loving like Jensen. None of the others really measured up to that standard. In fact, I was pretty sure that my boys had ruined me for anyone else.

There were times when Jensen was too flirty with me. But he after that night, he would only have one or two drinks max. I sometimes wondered if he remembered what happened, but I couldn’t ask him. If I did, I would have to explain why I had lied to him. Every once in a while, I would catch him looking at me wistfully. When that happened, I would quickly look away, not wanting to see the emotions in his eyes that I was trying desperately to ignore.

During the middle of our July 2016 convention in Phoenix, Jensen got a phone call from Danni. We were all hanging out in his room, watching a movie. Walking away from us, he answered it and instantly there was a look of disgust on his face. I could see him getting angrier and angrier as the phone conversation continued. Jared, Misha, and I were sitting on the beds pretending to watch the movie, trying to ignore Jensen as he argued with his wife.

When he threw his phone into a wall and collapsed to the floor, I quickly got up off the bed and rushed over to him. His entire body was racked with sobs and I just sat down behind him, pulling him back against me trying to calm him down. The guys got off the bed and looked at us, before leaving the room. I just continued to rock him, murmuring soft nothings in his ear.

After what seemed like forever, his sobs subsided and he pulled away from me, standing up. I followed him and pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back. Once his breathing was completely even, I moved away from him and wiped at the tears that had fallen down his cheeks, “You want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” when Jensen spoke, I could hear the heartbreak in his words. “But I need to tell someone.” He looked around, “Where did Jar and Mish go?”

“They’re just giving you some space. I can get them if you would rather talk to Jared or Misha.”

“No,” he shook his head. We went over to the bed and sat down on the edge. He clasped his hands together and twisted his wedding ring around on his finger, pulling it off and putting in on again, over and over. “I haven’t told anyone yet, but me and Danni have been going through a trial separation for a couple of months. We had been going through some tough times the past year. We hadn’t had sex in months and were arguing all the time. It was starting to affect JJ so we decided that we would be apart for a while to see what happened.”

Tears started falling down his face again and I wrapped my arm around him, trying to offer comfort where I could, “She just called to let me know that she’s pregnant.”

I thought about it for a second. Once I realized what he was saying, I could feel myself getting really angry, “Oh my God, Jensen. No wonder you are so upset.”

“The thing is, she’s already three months along. So that means she was cheating on me before we separated.” He looked at me with such sadness, I didn’t know what I could do to wipe it away, “What do I do, Alex? Tell me, please.”

“I don’t know, Jensen. I wish I did.” I kept rubbing his back, “What do you want to do? Do you want to try and make things work with Danni?”

“Fuck no,” he stood up and started pacing. “She cheated on me. She slept with another man. I could have forgiven her for kissing someone else, even messing around. Fuck, if she had slept with someone else and told me I probably would have forgiven her for that too.” His fingers combed through his short hair roughly as he paced, “But she is having another man’s child. I can’t stay with her.”

He stopped in front of me and looked even sadder, “God, I wish I had chosen you. Then none of this would have happened.”

The words that I had longed to hear were coming from the man I had loved for eight years. But instead of making me happy, they just made me sad. I stood and took his face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs on his cheeks, “If you had, you wouldn’t have JJ right now. And I know that you and Danni had good years. You can’t regret it all.”

He sighed, “You’re right. I don’t regret everything. I loved her so fucking much. But if I’m being honest, I fell out of love with her about the time we stopped having sex. And I sure as hell don’t regret JJ. She is the only good thing to come out of my marriage.” He grabbed my hands and pulled them away from his face, kissing one of my palms, “But there is one thing I regret more than anything else in my entire life. And that is hurting you. I never stopped loving you, Alex. Not for one minute during my marriage did I stop. I know that you don’t feel the same anymore, but I feel like I have loved you since you came to that audition.”

“Jensen,” my voice was soft.

“No, Alex. You can’t tell me I’m not allowed to say it this time.” He took a deep breath and looked directly into my eyes, “I love you.”

Reaching up, I threaded my hands into his hair and pulled his face down to mine, kissing him deeply. He held me against his body, fingers digging into my hips. When I pulled away, we were both breathless, “I love you too. I never stopped. But you were with Danni, so I had to hide my feelings. I had to pretend that being around you every single day and not being able to touch or kiss you, that it didn’t break my heart. I am in love with you Jensen Ross Ackles, and have been since the moment I met you.”

At that, he kissed me again, slowly and thoroughly. He lifted my shirt over my head, smiling when he saw my naked breasts. Bending, he captured a nipple in his mouth, sucking it and rolling it between his teeth. He pushed me onto the bed and took off his clothes.

I laid there watching as the man I loved took off his clothes. His body was lean and hard, having only gotten better with age. His cock jutted out from his hips and I was dripping wet just looking at him. Hands on his hips, he smiled and I saw the crinkles around his eyes that appeared when he was truly happy, “Enjoying the view.”

“Fuck yes,” I said. I pushed myself up and moved to the end of the bed, sitting on my heels. I reached out and ran my fingers down his chest until I gripped his cock, “I want you inside of me now, Jensen. We’ve waited so fucking long for this.”

He pushed me back again and climbed onto the bed. Straddling my legs, he pulled down my pants and underwear, tossing them on the floor. He moved between them and spread my legs wide, one finger slipping between my wet folds, “I want to lick you so bad, make you scream. But I can’t wait. I’ve been fantasizing about this moment for years.”

I spread my legs wider and gave him my best come hither look, “Fuck me, Jensen. Make me yours.”

Moving above me, he captured my lips for another kiss and his cock slowly entered my pussy, filling me completely. I closed my eyes and moaned as he bottomed out, his cock stretching me more than I had been in many years. When he didn’t move, I opened my eyes and clenched my pussy muscles, making him moan, “Are you going to fuck me, or do I have to do all the work?”

He started moving slowly, holding me still so I couldn’t move my hips to make him move faster. “Sweetheart, one of these days I will fuck you so hard you will feel it for a week. But right now,” he kissed me softly, “I want to make love to you. I want to show you how fucking precious you are to me. I want you to know that I love you more than words can even express.”

I wrapped my arms around him as he moved in and out of me, deliciously slow. One of his hands went between us so he could play with my clit while he made love to me. Our lips pressed together, tongues dancing against one another. The emotions just made everything a thousand times better. It didn’t take long for me to be close to orgasm.

I held his face in my hands and looked into his eyes, “I’m so close, Jensen. I want you to come with me.”

He pushed himself up started moving faster, his fingers still playing with my clit. As my vaginal walls started to clench around him rhythmically as I came, he shoved into me two more times and shouted with his own orgasm before collapsing on top of me.

Even though he was heavy, I didn’t want this to end. His softening cock slipped out as he moved to the side and pulled me into his arms. Sighing, I snuggled against him, “That was quite easily the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”

He gave me a look that said he didn’t believe me, “Really?”

“Jensen, I love you. That trumps everything. Even if it was the worst sex ever, it would still be the best because I’m with you.” I kissed him softly, “However, we can’t…”

“No, don’t say it.”

“Jensen, I’m not going to have people say that I’m the reason you and Danni are splitting up. I want to be with you, more than anything in the entire world. But you need to end things with her first before we take this further.” A thought crossed my mind, “You are planning on divorcing her, right?”

“The second I get back to Texas." He pulled me tighter against him, "I don't know if I can wait that long."

"I don't know if I can either. But we've already waited years, a little bit longer won't kill us." I sat up and looked down at Jensen, "I want us to be able to be together and not have to hide it. I want to be able to shout from the rooftops that I get to be with you."

"I hate the fact that you are right about this." He laid an arm over his face, covering his eyes, "I really don't want to wait."

There was a knock at the door and Jensen cursed. "Hold on, I'm coming." He pulled on his jeans, not bothering to button them.

When he opened the door, I heard Jared's voice, "You okay?"

"I've been better, but I'll be alright." He must have tried to come in because Jensen said, "It's not a good time, man."

"What's going on, Jay? The last we left you, Alex was here comforting you and…" his voice trailed off and he must have realized what had happened. "Alex, you decent?"

I got up and wrapped a sheet around me, "Let him in Jensen, he should know what's going on." I grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom while Jensen told Jared everything. When I came out, they both looked upset and worn-out. "So, at least the day can't get any worse?"

Jensen looked at me and laughed before pulling me onto his lap, "Sweetheart, you made a shitty night so much better. I've never been happier than when I found out you are still in love with me."

I looked at Jared, "You're not freaking out, are you?"

"Honestly, a little," he shook his head. "I'm more shocked that Danni did that to him than the fact that you guys are together now."

"Well, we're not actually together yet," I disagreed.

"Yes, we are," Jensen was being stubborn.

“Don’t make me hit you,” I fake glared at him. Looking back at Jared, I saw an amused expression on his face, “We’re going to wait until after he divorces Danni to make things official. I won’t be a mistress and I don’t want anyone to think that I am the reason they are divorcing. Plus, I want to be able to be out in public with Jensen and not have to hide the fact that we’re in love.”

“I’m really happy for you both,” Jared said as I gave him a disbelieving look. He held up his hands, “Hey, I’ve been there for both of you when you were upset about the other one. I’ve had to listen to Jensen talk about you for years when he was drunk. And Alex, even though you hid it well, I’ve seen the way you look at Jensen when you think no one is watching. I love Danni like a sister, her and Gen are good friends, but I’ve never thought that she was the perfect one for you.”

“What?” Jensen sounded surprised. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? I could have saved us years of anguish.”

I pushed myself off his lap and stood, trying not to squirm under their gaze, “I believe that would be my fault. I thought that she was better for you. I was a self-sacrificing idiot who didn’t believe that you would choose me if I asked. And you were happy, so it’s not like I sent you into a loveless marriage.” I crossed my arms, “And don’t even try to tell me how miserable you were. I saw how happy you were on your wedding day. Even if I had to leave because singing that song made me so depressed.”

“What are you talking about?” Jensen stood and turned me so I was facing him. “You were sick. Mark came out and said that you were throwing up.”

“Umm, I’m gonna go, guys,” Jared stood and started walking to the door. “Do you guys care if I tell Gen?”

“Go ahead, just don’t let her tell Danni,” I said. “Gen is one of my best friends, she knows about my feelings for Jensen. She helped talk me down on his wedding day.”

After Jared left the room, I took a breath, “The words in your first dance song...I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love,  I’m still looking up. I sang that song for you. I never gave up on my love for you, even when I wanted to. Even when it hurt so much that I could barely stand it. After singing that song, seeing you guys so fucking happy, I couldn’t stay.”

“God, I didn’t realize.”

I cupped his cheek, “It’s okay, Jensen. It’s in the past. We have the rest of our lives for you to make it up to me.” I gave him a soft kiss, “Now, I’m going to go before someone catches me coming out of your room. We have to sing tomorrow night to close the convention, and since we still have panels and photos tomorrow, I need to know that people aren’t thinking you are a cheater.” I gave him one more kiss and left his room.

The next day, we were both really good. There might have been a few lingering stares that would probably make people speculate, but we didn’t do anything that could start any real rumors. That night, I decided to sing my song first so I could get it out of the way. There were butterflies in my stomach, but I wasn’t scared, just excited.

I got on stage and took the microphone. The crowd started screaming Jolene and Crowley. I laughed, “Hey everyone. First, I just want to say thank you for joining us here in Phoenix. Everyone has been so nice, I’m really happy to be here.” 

I grabbed a stool that was sitting to the side and held my mic down, whispering to Richard what song I wanted to do. He thought for a second and nodded that they could play it. When I sat down on the stool, I looked out at the crowd, “I’m going to slow it down for a bit and sing a song that Adele wrote. For the one I’m singing this for, you know who you are and what you mean to me.” I closed my eyes and started singing.

_ When the rain is blowing in your face _ __   
_ And the whole world is on your case _ __   
_ I could offer you a warm embrace _ _   
_ __ To make you feel my love

_ When the evening shadows and the stars appear _ __   
_ And there is no one there to dry your tears _ __   
_ Oh, I hold you for a million years _ _   
_ __ To make you feel my love

_ I know you haven't made your mind up yet _ __   
_ But I will never do you wrong _ __   
_ I've known it from the moment that we met _ _   
_ __ No doubt in my mind where you belong

_ I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue _ __   
_ And I'd go crawling down the avenue _ __   
_ No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do _ _   
_ __ To make you feel my love

_ The storms are raging on the rolling sea _ __   
_ And on the highway of regret _ __   
_ The winds of change are blowing wild and free _ _   
_ __ You ain't seen nothing like me yet

_ I could make you happy, make your dreams come true _ __   
_ There's nothing that I wouldn't do _ __   
_ Go to the ends of this Earth for you _ __   
_ To make you feel my love, oh yes _ _   
_ __ To make you feel my love


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I need to say something. I know that Danneel and Jensen would never cheat on each other. I didn't want to make her the bad guy, but it was either that or kill her off. I chose the option that flowed best for the story. Plus, even though it hurt my heart to hurt Jensen that way, I think he needed to break a little in order to realize what he really wanted. I've got one more chapter to go after this, so thank you for sticking through this with me. I haven't had this much fun writing a story in forever. You guys are the reason for that. I never thought that I would get even one person who liked it, and the fact that there is more than that blows my mind. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this story.

After the convention, it was back to being like nothing happened. Jensen and I were really good about staying apart from one another. So good in fact, that I started to get worried that Jensen had changed his mind. He was barely even treating me like he did when we were just friends.

In April 2017, we were in Seattle for the convention and it was time for karaoke. I was tired and depressed because it had been ten months since I had kissed Jensen. Ten months since I had held him in my arms. We were barely speaking and I cried more than I had in the first eight years of knowing him.

I decided to go first again, need to get it done so I could go to my room and cry. If he had changed his mind, I was going to quit the show and move back home. I didn’t need to have my heart played with like this. I took the stage and grabbed a stool, setting it up at the front of the stage.

The crowd was somber, probably because I was way quieter than normal and had been all convention. “Hey, guys. Well, we’re in my hometown this time, and it’s beautiful weather here right now.” A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away.

Someone from the crowd yelled, “We love you, Alex!”

“I love you guys too.” I took a breath, glad that I had talked to Richard about what I was singing so he wasn’t surprised. They were also pretty somber, even though I hadn’t told them the story behind why. “I know that these songs are usually upbeat and catchy. But I need to get something off my chest and y’all are going to get a bit of story time.”

“Nine years ago, I met a wonderful man. He was perfect for me in every way except one, he was already taken.” The crowd was so quiet, I could hear the beating of my heart, “But I fell hard and fast for him anyways, even though we were never more than friends. I truly was lucky that I could be in love with my best friend, even if I couldn’t have him. But then things changed, and something happened that gave me the chance I wanted for so long, to really be with him. But it wasn’t meant to be, and we couldn’t be together.”

I could see some people in the crowd with tears in their eyes, which caused me to start to tear up, “I truly do love this man with every fiber of my being. So tonight, this song goes out to you. I want you to know that I will always love you.”

The piano started playing, and I began to sing.

_ Say something, I'm giving up on you _ __   
_ I'll be the one, if you want me to _ __   
_ Anywhere, I would've followed you _ _   
_ __ Say something, I'm giving up on you

_ And I am feeling so small _ __   
_ It was over my head _ _   
_ __ I know nothing at all

_ And I will stumble and fall _ __   
_ I'm still learning to love _ _   
_ __ Just starting to crawl

_ Say something, I'm giving up on you _ __   
_ I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you _ __   
_ Anywhere, I would've followed you _ _   
_ __ Say something, I'm giving up on you

_ And I will swallow my pride _ __   
_ You're the one that I love _ _   
_ __ And I'm saying goodbye

_ Say something, I'm giving up on you _ __   
_ And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you _ __   
_ And anywhere, I would have followed you _ _   
_ __ Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you

_ Say something, I'm giving up on you _ _   
_ _ Say something _

When the song ended, tears were streaming down my face and the crowd was quiet. I stood and looked out at them, “I hope every single one of you gets to experience love at some point in your life if you haven’t already. And just know, that even if you don’t get to be with the one you love, it is still worth it. The quote, better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all, is very true. I wouldn’t give up one iota of the love I feel for him, just to be happy.”

I left the stage and pushed past the cast, heading to the green room where I could cry in peace. About fifteen minutes later, Jared came into the room, “You need to get out here.”

“Go away, Jared.”

He grabbed my arm and forced me off the couch, “If you miss this, I will kick your ass, girl or not. Now come on.”

I let him drag me to the side of the stage where I saw Jensen standing alone, looking really awkward. He cleared his throat, “So, this is strange.” The crowd chuckled, “I normally wouldn’t do this, tell you guys things that you don’t need to know. But if I don’t, I could lose something incredibly precious to me, and I don’t want that.”

He sat down on the stool and gestured out at the audience, “Nine years ago, I met a wonderful woman. She was kind and sweet, sexy and curvy. Practically perfect in every way except one, she could never really be mine.” The crowd started murmuring, “I had Danni, whom I loved, so even though I fell in love with this woman as well, I stayed with Danni. And Danni, if you are watching this, I did love you. It wasn’t fair for me to be in love with two women at once, but I was.”

His voice sounded strained and hoarse, I could tell that he was struggling to contain his emotions, “But like a lot of relationships, Danni and I drifted apart.” He sighed, “And I need you all to know something, I never cheated on Danni. When I was with her, I was with her and only her. I don’t regret my marriage, except for the fact that I hurt the other woman that I loved. My divorce was final as of last week. I’m sad that it ended, but I’m excited for the next chapter in my life.”

“And so I’m sitting in front of you all today to say, I love Alexandra Marie Clark with every single bit of my soul.”

“It’s Alex,” someone in the crowd yelled.

Jensen laughed, “I know, she hates being called Alexandra.” He looked over and saw me standing there, tears streaming down my face. When he spoke, he was speaking directly to me. “I love you, Alex. Now and forever. I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you every single day for the past nine years how you make me feel. But we have the rest of our lives for me to make it up to you. Starting with this song.”

_ What would I do without your smart mouth _ __   
_ Drawing me in, and you kicking me out _ __   
_ Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down _ __   
_ What’s going on in that beautiful mind _ __   
_ I’m on your magical mystery ride _ _   
_ __ And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright

_ My head’s under water _ __   
_ But I’m breathing fine _ _   
_ __ You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

_ 'Cause all of me _ __   
_ Loves all of you _ __   
_ Love your curves and all your edges _ __   
_ All your perfect imperfections _ __   
_ Give your all to me _ __   
_ I’ll give my all to you _ __   
_ You’re my end and my beginning _ __   
_ Even when I lose I’m winning _ __   
_ 'Cause I give you all, all of me _ _   
_ __ And you give me all, all of you

_ How many times do I have to tell you _ __   
_ Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too _ __   
_ The world is beating you down, I’m around through every move _ __   
_ You’re my downfall, you’re my muse _ __   
_ My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues _ _   
_ __ I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you

_ My head’s under water _ __   
_ But I’m breathing fine _ _   
_ __ You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

_ 'Cause all of me _ __   
_ Loves all of you _ __   
_ Love your curves and all your edges _ __   
_ All your perfect imperfections _ __   
_ Give your all to me _ __   
_ I’ll give my all to you _ __   
_ You’re my end and my beginning _ __   
_ Even when I lose I’m winning _ __   
_ 'Cause I give you all of me _ __   
_ And you give me all, all of you _ _   
_ __ Give me all of you

_ Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts _ _   
_ _ Risking it all, though it’s hard _

_ 'Cause all of me _ __   
_ Loves all of you _ __   
_ Love your curves and all your edges _ __   
_ All your perfect imperfections _ __   
_ Give your all to me _ __   
_ I’ll give my all to you _ __   
_ You’re my end and my beginning _ __   
_ Even when I lose I’m winning _ __   
_ 'Cause I give you all of me _ _   
_ __ And you give me all of you

_ I give you all, all of me _ _   
_ _ And you give me all, all of you _

When he finished singing, I was sobbing. Jared pushed me forward and I stumbled onto the stage and into Jensen’s waiting arms. We kissed and the crowd screamed. I drew back and put my hands on his face, whispering, “I love you too Jensen Ross Ackles.”

My voice came out over the speakers and I saw the mic near my face. I glared at him while he smirked. When he fell onto one knee on the ground, my mouth fell open, “What are you doing?”

He pulled something out of his pocket and spoke into the mic, “I know this is only day one of our relationship. But Alex, you and I have known each other for nine years. We’ve been best friends for almost that entire time. I know that your favorite movie is Aliens, although you secretly love sappy romances that make you cry. I know that when you’re feeling sad, you eat oreo ice cream. Your favorite chips are dill pickle flavored, and you stop breathing when you find something funny that you start to laugh at yourself. I know that when it’s that time of the month, all you want to do is curl up with a good book and eat popcorn.”

“I know everything about you. All your quirks and insecurities. I loved you when you were curvier, and I love you now that you could kick my ass without even thinking about it. I love that you are so good with JJ and that you always stick up for the underdog, no matter what.” His voice broke and he held up the most gorgeous diamond ring I had ever seen, “I know this seems fast, but we have been building up to this moment since the first day I met you at that audition. I couldn’t believe that someone who had never acted before could be that good. And you always called me out on my shit, especially when I was being a bastard.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Even though this is our first day together, I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to waste one more minute of time not doing what I want.” He grabbed my left hand and slid on the ring, “Alexandra Marie Clark, will you do me the absolute honor of being my wife?”

“Say yes,” someone yelled.

I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to hold back the sobs. All I could do was nod my head and whisper, “Yes.”

Jensen stood and kissed me, making the crowd go wild again. He picked me up and twirled me around, “She said yes.” He kissed me again and dropped the mic down so it wouldn’t pick up his next words, “How did I get so fucking lucky?”

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so short, but I really wanted to give them a little more time together. Thank you for being an awesome audience and reading my story.

February 14, 2018

Even though Jensen and I were engaged, we spent time in our relationship before starting to talk about our actual wedding. There were some rumors that we had been cheating all along, that I was the reason Danni and Jensen split up, but those were expected. What wasn’t expected was when Danni went on national television and told the truth, or at least a partial truth. She told everyone that the reason their marriage ended was her fault. That they were on a break and she met someone else. She told everyone in no uncertain terms, that I was a good friend and had never encroached on her marriage.

The funny thing about that, Jensen told me after we had been officially together for a few months that he had remembered that night about a week after it happened. He told me that he was grateful I hadn’t let him fuck up his marriage even more by sleeping with me and that he loved me even more for lying to him so he didn’t have to lie to Danni.

The morning of our wedding was going exactly according to plan. Gen and I were in the bathroom, impatiently waiting as the timer counted down from three minutes. “God, couldn’t we have gotten a faster test,” I groaned, not wanting to wait to find out the results.

“This is the most accurate test out there.” She rubbed my back, “Don’t worry, it will be fine.” 

When the timer went off, we looked at each other. I broke first, “I need to know what it says.” I picked it up and couldn’t stop the smile that took over my face, “Gen, I’m pregnant.”

“Hot damn,” she whooped. “You are going to make Jensen so fucking happy. When are you planning on telling him?”

“I don’t know,” I couldn’t stop staring at the pregnancy test. One of my hands drifted down to my belly, “I just want to do it at the right time.”

“Honey, whenever you tell him will be the right time. Even though he is almost 41, I know he wants to have at least one more kid. You will make him the happiest man alive when you tell him.”

“I just have to think about when to tell him.” I clenched it in my hand, before sticking it in the pocket I had specially sewn into my dress, “Alright, let’s get going.”

As I walked down the aisle, Jensen looked at me with more love in his eyes than he ever did for Danni. I could see tears glistening in his eyes as I walked towards him. When I got to him, I stood on my toes and gave him a soft kiss, “I am so fucking happy, Jensen.”

“Me too,” he whispered back.

We stood there and went through the normal part of the ceremony. When it came time for our vows, which we had written ourselves, Jensen went first. “Alex, I stand here before you today a happy man. I am so fucking glad that you never gave up on me, even when I was unavailable. It seems like I’ve loved you forever, and I can honestly say that I am happier right now than I have ever been. The fact that I get to stand here before my friends and family, declaring to the world that you are mine, fills me with such excitement and hope for the future. I just want you to know, that no matter what comes our way, I will always be there for you. I love you with all my heart and soul, and I cannot wait to start my life with you.”

Then it was my turn, and I froze. Jensen saw my nerves and raised a hand to my cheek, smiling at me so sweetly that I felt better. “Jensen, I still can’t believe that I get to call you my husband. I can quite honestly say that I never thought this day would come. For the past ten years, I have loved you. And I plan on loving you until we are gone from this world. You are my heart and soul, without you, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I had almost given up on love, and then you were free and I could make you mine.” I took one of his hands that I held and moved it to my stomach, his eyes widened as I grinned, “In less than nine months, you are going to have another little baby who will one day call you daddy. And I couldn’t be more excited to share this experience with you. I love you to the moon and back, and back again Mr. Ackles.”

He broke from the script and looked down at my belly, “You’re pregnant.”

I nodded, “Just found out a little bit ago.”

“Fuck yes,” he yelled and pulled me against him, kissing me deeply.

The priest cleared his throat and we pulled away from each other. We put the rings on each other and when the priest said you may kiss the bride, Jensen bent me backward and placed a long kiss on my lips. It was relatively chaste, but everyone still stood and cheered. When he pulled me back up, he looked into my eyes, “I’m so fucking in love with you. Thank you for waiting for me, for dealing with all the shit to be here today.”

I laid a hand on his cheek, “Jensen, I would kill armies for you. I could never not love you. You will always have me, no matter what.”

On Halloween, we welcomed a baby boy into the world whom we named Dean Samuel Ackles after the show that had brought us together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am planning on posting another story tomorrow that I started not that long ago that will also be a Supernatural fic. It will be a Supernatural AU, so if y'all are interested, what I have will be posted sometime tomorrow, if not tonight.


End file.
